John Turturro movie quotes

View Quote Everett: Well, I guess hard times flush the chumps. Everybody's lookin' for answers... Where the hell's he goin'?
[Delmar runs out to be baptized]
Pete: Well I'll be a son of a bitch. Delmar's been saved.
Delmar: Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed! The preacher done washed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out. And heaven everlasting's my reward!
Everett: Delmar, what are you talking about? We've got bigger fish to fry.
Delmar: The preacher said all my sins is washed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo.
Everett: I thought you said you was innocent of those charges.
Delmar: Well I was lyin'. And the preacher said that that sin's been washed away, too. Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now! C'mon in boys, the water is fine.

View Quote Everett: How you doin', son? My name's Everett. These two soggy sons of bitches are Pete and Delmar. Keep your fingers away from Pete's mouth; he ain't had nothing to eat for 13 years, except prison food, gopher, and a little greasy horse.
Tommy Johnson: Thanks for the lift, sir. My name's Tommy. Tommy Johnson.
Delmar: How you doin', Tommy? Say, I haven't seen a house out here for miles. What are you doing out in the middle of nowhere?
Tommy Johnson: Well, I had to be up at that there crossroads last midnight, to sell my soul to the devil.
Everett: Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.
Delmar: This ain't no laughing matter, Everett.
Everett: What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy?
Tommy Johnson: Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good.
Delmar: Oh, son. For that, you traded your everlasting soul?
Tommy Johnson: [shrugs] Well, I wasn't usin' it.
Pete: I've always wondered, what's the devil look like?
Everett: Well, of course there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.
Tommy Johnson: Oh, no. No, sir. He's white, as white as you folks, with empty eyes and a big hollow voice. He loves to travel around with a mean old hound. That's right.
Pete: And he told you to go to Tishomingo?
Tommy Johnson: Well, no, sir, that was my idea. I heard there's a man down there. He pays folks money to sing into his can. They say he pays extra if you play real good.
Everett: Tishomingo, huh? How much he pay?

View Quote Everett: Well, at least you boys get to see the ancestral manse; the home where I spent so many happy days in the bosom of my family--a refugim, if you will--with a mighty oak tree out front and a happy little tire swing on it.
[The boys arrive at Everett's old cabin, but they see no tire swing on the tree]
Delmar: Where's the happy little tire swing? [the boys are soon confronted by Sheriff Cooley and his men]
Sheriff Cooley: [steps out of the cabin with his dog] End of the road, boys.
Everett: Wait a minute, now...
Sheriff Cooley: It's had its twists and turns. Now, it deposits you here.
Everett: No, wait a minute!
Sheriff Cooley: You have eluded fate, and you have eluded me for the last time. [to his men] Tie their hands, boys.
Everett: You can't do this now!
[Cooley's men begin tying Everett, Pete, and Delmar's hands behind their backs and holding Tommy at gunpoint]
Sheriff Cooley: Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend. He'll just have to wait his turn, share one of your graves.
Everett: You can't do this! We just got pardoned by the governor hisself!
Delmar: It went out on the radio!
Sheriff Cooley: Is that right? Well, we ain't got a radio.
Pete: God have mercy.

View Quote Francesco always-a wins. It's-a boring.

View Quote [The camera shows McQueen, Francesco and Carla on the podium as they get interviewed]
Photographer: Francesco!
Darrell: Francesco, over here. Hey, what was your strategy today?
Francesco: Strategia? Francesco needs-a no strategy, it’s-a very simple: You start the race, wait for Lightning McQueen to choke, pass him, then win. Francesco always-a wins, it’s a boring. [Lightning rolls his eyes.]
Darrell: I gotta tell you dude, you were in trouble for awhile. That dirt track section had you crawlin’. [Lightning notices Mater leaving and sneaks off.]
Francesco: To truly crush one’s dream, you must first raise their hopes very high.
Lightning: [meets up with Mater in his pit garage] MATER!
Mater: Hey, McQueen! What happened, is the race over? You won, right?
Lightning: Mater, why were you yelling things at me while I was racing?!
Mater: "Yellin'"? Oh, you thought... [chuckles] Oh! That's funny right there. Naw. See, that's 'cause I seen these two fellers doing some sort of karate street performance. It was nut so. One of 'em even had a flamethrower...
Lightning: [with worry and disbelief] "A flamethrower"? What are you talking about? I-I don't understand, where were you?
Mater: Goin' to meet my date.
Lightning: [confused] Your date?
Mater: She started talkin' to me as a voice in my head, tellin' me where to go–-
Lightning: What?
Mater: [noticing Lightning's angry glare] Wait a minute. I didn't screw you up, did I?
Lightning: [angrily] I lost the race because of you!
Mater: [shocked] Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
Lightning: An imaginary girlfriend? Flamethrowers? You know, this is exactly why I don't bring you along to these things!
Mater: Maybe if I, I don't know... talk to somebody, and explain what happened, I could help.
Lightning: I don't need your help. I don't want your help. [drives off, but is stopped by the paparazzi and Mater is upset]
Reporter 1: Hey, there he is!
Reporter 2: McQueen, you had it in the bag!
Reporter 3: Yeah, what happened?
Lightning: I-I made a mistake, but I can assure you, it won't happen again. [Mater drives over to the TV monitors; he slumps] Look, guys. We know what the problem is, and we've taken care of it! [Mater sadly drives away]
Brent: [on TV] Lightning McQueen loses in the last lap to Francesco Bernoulli in the first race of the World Grand Prix. And three, count em', three cars flamed out, leaving some to suggest that their fuel, Allinol, might be to blame.
Miles: [interviewed] Allinol is safe! Alternative fuel is safe! There is no way my fuel caused these cars to flame out!
Darrell: Well, the jury may still be out on whether allinol caused these accidents, but one thing's for sure: Lightning McQueen blew this race!
Brent: Team McQueen can’t be happy right now.

View Quote [Grem pushes the emitter's lever to 75% power, and aims it at Shu Todoroki]
Finn: No!
Miles: Long live Lemons!
[Suddenly, Shu Todoroki's engine explodes due to the weapon]
Brent: Oh, number 7 is loose! Shu Todoroki!
[Miguel Camino tries to brake, but crashes into Todoroki. Then, Max Schnell tries to brake, but crashes into the two. After that, Raoul ÇaRoule and Rip Clutchgoneski try to brake, but they also crash into the three. Jeff Gorvette and Lewis Hamilton brake just in time, leaving them as the only survivors. Holley watches in shock.]
Holley: [Gasps after spotting Finn taken away by the helicopter] Finn?
Brent: Bumper to bumper as they approach the finish line! McQueen's the winner! Francesco’s second! They have no idea what happened behind them.
Francesco: Ugh! This is impossible!
Lightning: That’s what I’m talking about! Ka-chow! [Ambulances sirens] Wh- What happened? Where are all the other cars?
Francesco: What is going on?
[They look at car crashes on the TV screens]
Lightning: Oh, no!
[A chopper is then seen rushing towards the scene, as the press surrounds Axlerod]
Brent: [on TV] Sir Axlerod, is the final race in London still going to take place?
Miles: [on TV] I suppose that... [sighs] Look, the show must go on, as they say. But now is not the time to talk about...
J. Curby: I can't believe this is really happening!
Vladimir: Shh! Quiet!
Brent: [on TV] And allinol? Will you require all the racers to still run on allinol?
Vladimir: [chuckles] Here it comes!
Miles: [on TV] I cannot, in good conscience, continue to risk the lives of any more race cars. The final race will not be run on allinol.
Lemons: [cheering] Ah-ha-ha! Ha-ha! [continue cheering]
Brent: [on TV, to the TV viewers] There you have it, a clearly devastated Sir Miles Axlerod announcing that he will not require the cars to use allinol for the final race.
Prof. Z: [as casino staff pop lemonade corks] A toast! To the death of allinol and alternative fuel forever!
Holley: [rushing away from the casino] Mater, abort the mission! They've got Finn. Get out of there. Get out of there right now!
[Suddenly, she stops after turning a corner revealing several angry black Hugos in front of her; she gasps]
Ivan: [appearing behind Holley] How is your grandfather?
[The camera shows the lemons inside the casino are cheering, while Mater, who is now all on his own, is about to leave.]
All cars: [chanting] Long live lemons!
Alex: Isn’t this a great party, Ivan, huh?
Mater: Oh yeah, it’s unbelievable.
Alex: You’re not leaving, are you?
Mater: Uh, of course I’m not leaving.
Lightning: [on TV] Just in shock like everybody...
Mater: McQueen?
Lightning: [on TV] Crashes are a part of racing, I know, but something like that should never happen.
Darrell: [on TV] They're letting you choose your fuel for the final race. Do you have any idea what it's gonna be?
Lightning: [on TV] Allinol.
Lemons: [all gasp] What?!
J. Curby: Did he just say Allinol?!
Darrell: [on TV] After today?
Lightning: [on TV] My friend Fillmore says the fuel's safe. That's good enough for me. I didn't stand by a friend of mine recently. I'm not gonna make the same mistake twice.
Brent: [on TV] So a surprising revelation from Lightning McQueen. He will use allinol in the final race, despite what occurred today.
Prof. Z: [listening to the mastermind on the telephone] Yes, sir.
Miles: [indistinctly] ...Till Lightning McQueen is dead!
Prof. Z: Of course. [to his fellow Lemons] Allinol must be finished for good. McQueen cannot win the last race. Lightning McQueen must be killed!
Mater: No! [quickly backs up and the emergency light gets bashed by one of the televisions. The bash causes the device to malfunction, as the disguise changes into taco truck form, with his horn playing "La Cucaracha" as several tacos fall out.]
Prof. Z: (Huh?) [It cycles through his other forms: Dracula, funny car, lederhosen, before finally showing Mater's true form, as he nervously smiles; alarmed] It's the American spy!! [the Lemons all draw their weapons]
Mater: Dad-gum!
Computer: Gatling gun, request acknowledged. [two Gatling guns appear out of Mater's sides]
Prof. Z: DOWN!!! DOWN!!! EVERYBODY, DOWN!!!!
Mater: Shoot. I didn't mean--
Computer: Request acknowledged. [Mater's guns fire madly, shooting everything in the room as the Lemons drive for cover. The force of the guns makes Mater back out of the room and onto the balcony]
Mater: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait!! I didn't mean that kind of "shoot"!
Mater's Computer: Correction acknowledged. Deploying chute. [a parachute appears out of Mater's back]
Mater: Whoa-a-a! [carries him into the air. The Lemons watched as Mater go high up in the air and saw McQueen onstage] McQueen! [spots a motorboat and hook onto it.]
Boat: Whoa! What's this?!
Mater: Whoa!
Boat: Yah!
Mater: [sees McQueen onstage] McQueen! McQueen! Whoa!
[Suddenly, his tow cable comes off the boat, causing him to fall.]
Mater: Aah! [hits the leaves of a palm tree, then a hotel sign, and is about to hit a market stall]
Market Seller: Waagh! [gets hit as the screen goes black]
Mater: Let me through! Let me through! [covered in Francesco memorabilia and palm leaves, Mater skids to a halt at the media's entrance] You gotta let me in! I gotta get through to warn McQueen!
Italian Security #1: You cannot-a come through here! Back up, signore.
Italian Security #2: [into a walkie-talkie] We have a lunatic at Gate 9...
Mater: No, listen! I was disguised as a tow truck to infiltrate this Lemonhead meetin' and my weapons system misinterpreted what I was sayin'!
Italian Security #2: I repeat. Lunatic at Gate 9.
Mater: [looks past the gate] McQueen! McQueen!
Press: You are the champion!
Press Liaison: Right this way, signore.
Mater: McQueen!
Lightning: Mater?
Mater: McQueen!
Press: Give us a pose!
Mater: McQueen!
Italian Security #1: Back up, sir.
Italian Security #2: Stop moving! Stop!
[Mater darts around the securities and speeds towards the press surrounding McQueen, all his decorations dropping off]
Italian Security #1: Hey, hey, hey! Where are you going? Oy! Stop! Ferma li!
Mater: McQueen!
Lightning: That really sounded like Mater. Mater?
Press Liaison: Signore...
Mater: McQueen! They're gonna kill you!
Lightning: Mater!
Press Liaison: Signore, please...
Lightning: [moves through the press crowd] Uhhhh... scusi, scusi.
Press Liaison: No, no, where are you going?! Please, Mr. McQueen!!
Lightning: Scusi. Mater!
Mater: McQueen!
Lightning: Scusi... Mater! Mater! Mater, I'm so glad to see you. I'm so sorry--
Ivan: Lightning McQueen! I am a huge fan!
Lightning: [surprised] Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I heard--
Ivan: Yes, but that was me. I said, "You killed out there today." You're the best.
Lightning: What? Oh. I mean, thanks.
Press Liaison: Right this way, signore.
Lightning: [pushed back in the other direction] I-I really thought I heard my friend.
Ivan: In England, you'll be finished. At the finish line.
Lightning: Wait, what?
Press Liaison: Please, uh, the world press is waiting. You come-a with me, please.
[Mater, now bound and with his mouth taped, is pulled away and thrown into the back of a transport vehicle. He lands hard on his side, spitting out his tape]
Mater: Let me go!
Prof. Z: You actually care about that race car. A pity you didn't warn him in time.
[The transport vehicle's door shuts, trapping Mater inside, and blacks him out with sleeping gas]

View Quote You know why they call them Indians? Because Columbus thought he was in India. They're Indians because some white guy got lost.

View Quote And they love me for the same reason they used to hate me, because I'm the guy who knows everything.

View Quote [To his wife] You wanna be worshipped? Go to India and moo.

View Quote [to Nino] Mookie's not to be trusted...No mulignan can be trusted. The first time you turn your back, boom! The spear right here, man, in the back....I want you to be on ****in' guard, man....You be on guard 'cause Mookie has Pop conned, so we gotta look out for him.

View Quote Mookie: Pino, **** you, **** your **** pizza, and **** Frank Sinatra.
Pino: Yeah? Well, **** you, too, and **** Michael Jackson.

View Quote Buggin' Out: Hey, hey, Sal, how come you ain't got no brothers up on the wall here?
Sal: You want brothers up on the wall, get your own place. You can do what you want to do. You can put your brothers and uncles and nieces and nephews, step-fathers, step-mothers, whoever you want. See? But, this is my pizzeria. American Italians up on the wall.
Vito: Take it easy, Pop.
Pino: Don't start.
Buggin' Out: Yeah, that might be fine, Sal, but, you own this, rarely do I see any American Italians eatin' in here. All I see is Black folks. So since we spend much money here, we do have some say.
Sal: You lookin' for trouble? You a troublemaker, is that what you are? You makin' trouble?
Buggin' Out: Yeah! I'm a troublemaker. I'm makin' trouble.
Sal: You're a ball breaker. Always comin' in here lookin' for trouble, aren't you. Suppose I busted your head. How would you - Now, Mookie. Mookie, you wanna get your friend outta here.
Buggin' Out: Oh, you wanna kick me out now? You're gonna kick me out, huh?
Sal: Nah, I'm not kickin' you out. You're kickin' yourself out.
Buggin' Out: What? Look, we want some brothers up on the wall. Yo, Malcolm X, Nelson Mandela, you know, Michael Jordan. Tomorrow!

View Quote [Epps and Glen stare at the gashes in the Allspark chamber]
Tech Sgt. Epps: Whoa. Has Freddy Krueger been in here?
Glen Whitmann: Naw, man! Freddy Krueger's got four blades, that's only three! That's Wolverine! [growls and laughs] Right, that's Wolverine? [Epps looks very unimpressed]
Agent Simmons: That's very funny. [Glenn falls slient, offended] Does anyone have any mechanical devices? BlackBerry, key alarm, cell phone?
Glen Whitmann: I got a phone. [hands it to Simmons]
Agent Simmons: Nokias are real nasty. You gotta respect the Japanese; they know the way of the Samurai.
Maggie Madsen: Nokia's from Finland.
John Keller: Yes, but he's, uh... [quietly] you know, strange. He's a little strange.
[Simmons flips a switch, shooting electricity into the box; the cellphone transforms into a well-armed miniature robot that starts shooting at the box with a gatling gun]
Agent Simmons: We're able to harness the Cube's radiation and funnel it into that box. Mean little sucker, huh?
Maggie Madsen: That thing is freaky!
Agent Simmons: Kinda like the itty-bitty Energizer Bunny from Hell, huh?!

View Quote Agent Simmons: All right, you've all had direct contact with the NBEs...
Tech Sgt. Epps: [confused] NBEs?
Agent Simmons: Non-Biological Extraterrestrials. Try to keep up with the acronyms.
Tom Banachek: What you're about to see is totally classified... [Megatron is revealed]
John Keller: [awestruck] Dear God, what is that?
Tom Banachek: We think that when he made his approach over the North Pole, our gravitational field screwed up his telemetry and crashed into the ice, probably a few thousand years age. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934.
Agent Simmons: We call him NBE-1.
Sam Witwicky: I don't mean to correct you on all that you think you know, but that's Megatron. He's the leader of the Decepticons.
Tom Banachek: He's been in cryo-stasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.
Agent Simmons: Fact is, you're looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, cars, space flight: all reverse-engineered by studying him. [sneers at Sam] NBE-1, that's what we call it!
John Keller: And you didn't think the United States Military might need to know that you're keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?
Agent Simmons: Until these events, we had no credible threats to national security.
John Keller: Well, you got one now!

View Quote [Agent Simmons is interrogating Sam and Mikaela in a car]
Agent Simmons: Hey, you see this? [shows them his badge] This is a "do whatever I want and get away with it" badge. I'm gonna lock you up forever.
Mikaela Banes: Oh God... you know what? Don't listen to him. He's just pissy because he's gotta get back to guarding the Mall.
Agent Simmons: You in the training bra. Do not test me, especially with your daddy's parole coming up.
Sam Witwicky: What? Parole?!
Mikaela Banes: It's nothing.
Agent Simmons: A grand theft auto? That ain't nothing?
Mikaela Banes: You know those cars my dad used to teach me to fix? Well, they... They weren't always his.
Sam Witwicky: You stole cars?!
Mikaela Banes: Well, we couldn't always afford a babysitter, so he'd sometimes had to bring me along.
Agent Simmons: She's got her own juvy record to prove it! She's a criminal. And criminals are hot! Now it'd be a real shame if he rots in jail for the rest of his natural life. It is time to talk!
[The car crashes into an unknown object and is suddenly lifted from the ground, then falls back down as the roof is ripped off]
Sam Witwicky: You A-holes are in trouble now. Gentlemen, I want to introduce you to my friend, Optimus Prime.
Optimus Prime: Taking the children was a bad move. Autobots relieve them of their weapons!
[The agents point their weapons at Prime, while the Autobots jump down from a nearby bridge and reveal their weapons]
Ironhide: [brandishing his cannons] Freeze!!
Agent Simmons: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Jazz: Give me those! [uses his magnetic hands to disarm the agents]
[Optimus Prime leans in to face Simmons and the agents]
Agent Simmons: [staring at Prime] Hi there.
Optimus Prime: You don't seem afraid. Are you not surprised to see us?
Agent Simmons: Look there are—S7 protocols, okay? I'm not authorized to communicate with you... except to tell you that I cannot communicate with—you
Optimus Prime: [sternly] Get out of the car.
Agent Simmons: Uh...me? You want me to...
Optimus Prime: NOW!!!
Agent Simmons: All right, I'm getting out.

View Quote You strike me as the type of guy who's lookin' for a head he can knock off with a shovel. But what you don't understand is that if we do start to fight... this ain't gonna end, until the other one of us is dead.

View Quote How'd you get it? That's what I really wanna know. How the hell did a big, money-scribblin' asshole like you get down to a little shitsplat town in Mississippi and steal my goddamn story?

View Quote I suppose so. I suppose that's why I came all the way up here from Mississ'ippi.

View Quote Years from now, they're gonna ask us: where were you when they took over the planet? And we'll say: we just stood by and watched...

View Quote Tell Megatron: let's tango.

View Quote Rich bastards. I used to hate 'em!

View Quote Bernie: Look in your heart! Look in your heart!
Tom: What heart?

View Quote Tom: [on finding someone sitting in the dark in his apartment] Hello Bernie
Bernie: Hey Tom. How'd you know it was me?
Tom: You're the only one I know who'd knock and then break in.
Bernie: Your other friends wouldn't break in, huh?
Tom: My other friends want to kill me so they wouldn't've knocked.

View Quote Bernie: Tommy, you can't do this! You don't bump guys! You're not like those animals back there. It's not right, Tom! They can't make us do this. It's the wrong situation, they can't make us different people than we are. We're not muscle, Tom. I... I... I... never killed anybody. I used a little information for a chisel, that's all. It's my nature, Tom! I... I... I... can't help it, somebody gives me an angle, I play it. I don't deserve to die for that. Do you think I do?
[Tom doesn't answer, he just keeps walking]
Bernie: I'm... I'm... I'm just a grifter, Tom. I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm an nobody! But I'll tell you what, I never crossed a friend, Tom. I never killed anybody, I never crossed a friend, nor you, I'll bet. We're not like those animals! This is not us! Th... th... this is some hop dream! It's a dream, Tommy! I'm praying to you! I can't die! I can't die... out here in the woods, like a dumb animal! In the woods, LIKE A DUMB ANIMAL! Like a dumb animal! I can't... I can't... I CAN'T DIE OUT HERE IN THE WOODS!... like a dumb animal. I can't... die!
[Bernie falls to his knees, praying]
Bernie: I'm praying to you! Look in your heart! I'm praying to you! Look in your heart! I'm praying to you! Look in your heart! I'm praying to you! Look in your heart...
[Tom slowly aims his gun at Bernie]
Bernie: I'm praying to you! Look in your heart. I'm praying to you... look in your heart... look in your heart! You can't kill me... look in your heart.

View Quote Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pandejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece (reference to Walter's Colt pistol) out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the **** trigger 'til it goes "click" (all eight rounds in his fully loaded Colt pistol were fired).

View Quote Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody ****s with The Jesus.

View Quote Jesus Quintana: [Talking to the Dude] Are you ready to be ****, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna **** you up.

View Quote [about Max Waxman] He's a lying son of a bitch! He's probably the mother****er who did me. He ratted me to the feds. I'll kill him when I get out! I'm gonna give that ****in' scumbag a serious headache. May God strike me dead if I don't waste him.

View Quote Rick Masters: You have my word you won't have to do the whole nickel.
Carl Cody: What does that mean?
Rick Masters: Grimes is the best lawyer in the state. It'll either be an appeal bond or a sentence reduction.
Carl Cody: And the check is in the mail, and I love you, and I promise not to come in your mouth...

View Quote Rick Masters: How you making it?
Carl Cody: Like every other swinging dick in this place makes it. Day by mother**** day.

View Quote Deeds: Whoa, you kinda snuck up on me there...
Emilio: I am very very sneaky, sir.

View Quote Emilio: How can I thank you?
Deeds: All I want is your friendship, Emilio. You're a good man.
Emilio: Deeds! How about a billion dollars?
Deeds: All right.
Emilio: Done.

View Quote [Deeds shows Emilio his frostbitten foot]
Emilio: The hideousness of that foot will haunt my dreams forever.
Deeds: Oh, yeah. I've heard that before.