3rd most-quoted character in O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000): in 11 of its 25 quotes
Most scenes with: Ulysses Everett McGill (11), Delmar (11)
Jesus! Can't I count on you people?!
Sorry, Everett.
Well, all right. If we take off through that bayou, then...
Pete Wait a minute. Who elected you leader of this outfit?
Well, Pete, I figured it should be the one with the capacity for abstract thought. But if that ain't the consensus view, then hell, let's put it to a vote.
Pete Suits me. I'm voting for yours truly.
Well, I'm voting for yours truly, too.
No, the treasure's still there boys, believe me.
I don't know Delmar. The blind are reputed to possess sensitivities compensating for their lack of sight, even to the point of developing paranormal psychic powers. Now, clearly seeing into the future would fall neatly into that category; it's not so surprising then that an organism deprived of its earthly vision...
Pete He said we wouldn't get it. He said we wouldn't get the treasure we seek on account of our obstacles.
What the hell does he know? He's an ignorant old man.
All right, boys! [dog barks]
It's the authorities! We've got you surrounded!
Damn. We're in a tight spot.
Just come on out and grabbin' air! And don't try nothing fancy! Your situation is pretty nigh hopeless!
Damn! We're in a tight spot!
What in the Sam Hill?
Pete's cousin turned us in for the bounty!
Pete What the hell are you saying?! Wash is kin!
Sorry, Pete! I know we're kin, but they got this depression on, and I got to do for me and mine!
Pete I'm gonna kill you! Judas Iscariot Hogwallop! You miserable, horse-eating son of a... [machine gun fire]
Damn! We're in a tight spot!
Pete Damn his eyes! Pa always said, "Never trust a Hogwallop!" COME AND GET US, COPPERS!!! [the police begin dousing the entrance to the barn with gasoline]
You boys is leaving us no choice but to smoke you out!
Damn. We're in a tight spot.
Light her up! [the police set the barn on fire]
Hold up, boys! Ain't you ever heard of negotiating?! Bet we could talk this thing out! I hate fire!
Pete You lousy, low-down, yellow-bellied goat!
Whoa, whoa, Pete, now we've only got to speak with one voice here! Careful with that fire now, boys!
Well, it didn't look like a one-horse town, but try finding a decent hair jelly.
Gopher, Everett?
And no transmission belt for two weeks, either.
Pete They dam that river on the 21st. Today's the 17th.
Don't I know it.
Pete We got but four days to get to that treasure. After that, it'll be at the bottom of a lake. We ain't gonna make it walkin'.
That's right.
Gopher, Everett?
But the old tactician's got a plan. For the transportation that is. I don't know how I'm gonna keep my coiffure in order.
Pete How's this a plan? How we gonna get a car?
Sell that. I figure it can only have painful association for Wash.
Pete "To Washington Bartholomew Hogwallop, from his loving Cora. Amor Fidel... is."
It was in his bureau. I reckon it'll fetch us enough cash for a good used auto-voiture, and a little left over besides.
Whoo! You got some light fingers, Everett. Gopher?
Pete You miserable little snake! You stole from my kin!
Who was fixin' to betray us.
Pete You didn't know that at the time!
So I borrowed it until I did know.
Pete That don't make no sense!
Pete, it's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart. [hears a congregation singing nearby] Now, what the hell's that singing?
Appears to be some kind of a... congregation. Care for some gopher?
No, thank you, Delmar. A third of a gopher would only arouse my appetite without beddin' her back down.
Oh, you can have the whole thing. Me and Pete already had one. We ran across a whole gopher village.
Well, I guess hard times flush the chumps. Everybody's lookin' for answers... Where the hell's he goin'?
Pete Well I'll be a son of a bitch. Delmar's been saved.
Well that's it, boys. I've been redeemed! The preacher done washed away all my sins and transgressions. It's the straight and narrow from here on out. And heaven everlasting's my reward!
Delmar, what are you talking about? We've got bigger fish to fry.
The preacher said all my sins is washed away, including that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Yazoo.
I thought you said you was innocent of those charges.
Well I was lyin'. And the preacher said that that sin's been washed away, too. Neither God nor man's got nothin' on me now! C'mon in boys, the water is fine.
Pete The preacher said he absolved us.
For him. Not for the law. I'm surprised at you Pete. I gave you credit for more brains than Delmar.
But there was witnesses that seen us redeemed.
That's not the issue Delmar. Even if it did put you square with the Lord, the state of Mississippi's a little more hardnosed.
You should'a joined us Everett. It couldn't have hurt none.
Pete Hell, at least it would'a washed away the stink of that pomade.
Join you two ignorant fools in a ridiculous superstition... Thank ya anyway. And I like the smell of my hair treatment. The pleasin' odor's half the point. [laughs] Baptism. You two are just dumber than a bag of hammers. Well, I guess you're just my cross to bear.
How you doin', son? My name's Everett. These two soggy sons of bitches are Pete and Delmar. Keep your fingers away from Pete's mouth; he ain't had nothing to eat for 13 years, except prison food, gopher, and a little greasy horse.
Thanks for the lift, sir. My name's Tommy. Tommy Johnson.
How you doin', Tommy? Say, I haven't seen a house out here for miles. What are you doing out in the middle of nowhere?
Well, I had to be up at that there crossroads last midnight, to sell my soul to the devil.
Well, ain't it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I'm the only one that remains unaffiliated.
This ain't no laughing matter, Everett.
What'd the devil give you for your soul, Tommy?
Well, he taught me to play this here guitar real good.
Oh, son. For that, you traded your everlasting soul?
Well, I wasn't usin' it.
Pete I've always wondered, what's the devil look like?
Well, of course there are all manner of lesser imps and demons, Pete, but the great Satan hisself is red and scaly with a bifurcated tail, and he carries a hay fork.
Oh, no. No, sir. He's white, as white as you folks, with empty eyes and a big hollow voice. He loves to travel around with a mean old hound. That's right.
Pete And he told you to go to Tishomingo?
Well, no, sir, that was my idea. I heard there's a man down there. He pays folks money to sing into his can. They say he pays extra if you play real good.
Tishomingo, huh? How much he pay?
Let's bed down here for the night.
Pete Yeah. It stinks in that old barn.
Suits me. Pretty soon, it'll be nothing but feather beds and silk sheets.
Pete $1 million.
1.2 million.
500,000 each.
400, Delmar. Pete, what are you gonna do with your share of the treasure?
Pete Go out west somewhere, open a fine restaurant. I'm gonna be the maitre'd. Greet all the swells. Going to work every day in a bowtie and tuxedo. And all the staff say, "Yes, sir," and "No, sir," and "In a jiffy, Pete." And all my meals for free.
What about you, Delmar? What are you gonna do with your share of that dough?
I'm gonna visit them foreclosin' son of a guns down at the Indianola Savings and Loan, slap that money on the barrelhead, and buy back the family farm. You ain't no kind of man if you ain't got land.
Pete What about you, Everett? What'd you have in mind when you stole it in the first place?
Pete Well, that hardly sounds like you.
Pete Well, hell, it ain't square one! Ain't no one gonna pick up three filthy, unshaved hitch-hikers. And one of them, a know-it-all that can't keep his trap shut.
Pete, the personal rancor reflected in that remark I don't intend to dignify with comment. But I would like to address your attitude of hopeless negativism. Consider the lilies of the goddamn field... or hell, take a look at Delmar here as your paradigm of hope!
Yeah! Look at me.
Now you may call it an unreasoning optimism. You may call it obtuse. But the plain and simple fact is that we've got close to three days before they... [sees a car approaching in the distance behind him] ...dam that river...
Well, at least you boys get to see the ancestral manse; the home where I spent so many happy days in the bosom of my family--a refugim, if you will--with a mighty oak tree out front and a happy little tire swing on it.
Where's the happy little tire swing? [the boys are soon confronted by Sheriff Cooley and his men]
End of the road, boys.
Wait a minute, now...
It's had its twists and turns. Now, it deposits you here.
No, wait a minute!
You have eluded fate, and you have eluded me for the last time. [to his men] Tie their hands, boys.
You can't do this now!
Didn't know you'd be bringin' a friend. He'll just have to wait his turn, share one of your graves.
You can't do this! We just got pardoned by the governor hisself!
It went out on the radio!
Is that right? Well, we ain't got a radio.
Pete God have mercy.
Miracle. It's a miracle!
Delmar, don't be ignorant. I told you they was flooding this valley.
No, that ain't it!
Pete We prayed to God, and He pitied us!
Well, it never fails. Once again, you two hayseeds are showin' how much you want for intellect. There's a perfectly scientific explanation for what just happened.
Pete That ain't the tune you was singin' back there at the gallows.
Well, any human being will cast about in a moment of stress. No, the fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydroelectric the whole damn state. Yes, sir, the South is gonna change. Everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a paying basis. Out with the old spiritual mumbo-jumbo, the superstitions, and the backward ways. We're gonna see a brave new world where they run everybody a wire and hook us all up to a grid. Yes, sir, a veritable age of reason, like the one they had in France. And not a moment too soon. [notices a cow on the roof of a flooded house, like the Blind Seer predicted in the beginning]...not a moment too soon. [looks to the side] Hey, there's Tommy. Tommy, what you ridin' there?
Roll-top desk!
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