Quiz Show 1994 quotes

Dick Goodwin

Don't treat me like I'm a member of your goddamn fan club. Are you telling me everybody got the answers but you?

Charles Van Doren

You're so persistent, Dick. You know, I really envy you that.

Dick Goodwin

Was it just the money, Charlie?

Charles Van Doren

You'll forgive me, but anyone who thinks money is ever just money couldn't have much of it.

Dick Goodwin

Charlie, you want to insult me, fine; but you can't envy me at the same time.

Charles Van Doren

Jesus, Dick, if someone offered you all this money to be on some rigged quiz show, instant fame, the works, would you do it?

Dick Goodwin

No. 'Course not.

Charles Van Doren

No? Throw the whole thing in, the cover of Time, Dave Garroway, $50,000 a year to read poetry on television — would you do it?

Dick Goodwin

No.

Charles Van Doren

And I would?

Dick Goodwin

He told me this whole story about when a Jew is on the show, he always loses to a Gentile, and then the Gentile wins more money. I mean, who could dream up a scheme like that? [laughs]

Dan Enright

A symptom of his Van Doren fixation!

Dick Goodwin

The thing of it is, I looked it up: it's true.

Dick Goodwin

I have Enright cold — and sir, that means I have you.

Really?

Dick Goodwin

Really.

Then why are you the one that's sweating?

Dick Goodwin

Dan, I have it on the kinescope, it's clear as day. The man literally did a double-take.

Dan Enright

He did a double-take? And who told you this? Is this Herb again? Or is this the Greenwich Village Beatnik?

Dick Goodwin

That's interesting, why is he a beatnik? Because he's not Charlie Van Doren?

Dan Enright

Yeah, you're damn right he's not Charlie Van Doren. You know, you got these crackpots coming out of the woodwork, you're snooping around asking questions. You don't have a shred of concrete evidence.

Dick Goodwin

Dan, let me tell you something. In this envelope are all the questions that James Snodgrass was asked on Twenty One. The odd thing about this envelope is that he appeared on the show January 13th, if you recall. Yet, he somehow mailed this to himself on January 11th via registered mail. I'd say that's pretty damn concrete, wouldn't you?

Herb Stempel

Don't do this to me, it's humiliating.

Dan Enright

For seventy grand, Herb, you can afford to be humiliated.

For $64,000, I hope they ask you the meaning of life.

You see, the audience didn't tune in to watch some amazing display of intellectual ability. They just wanted to watch the money.

Mr Van Doren, I'm also from New York, a different part of New York. I'm happy that you made the statement, but I cannot agree with most of my colleagues. You see, I don't think an adult of your intelligence ought to be commended for simply, at long last, telling the truth.

My mother want to know why you only went for eight on the movies.

Herb Stempel

Because my real expertise is pain-in-the-ass in-laws, all right?

Herb Stempel

That box is the biggest thing since Gutenberg invented the printing press, and I'm the biggest thing on it.

Herb Stempel

You know what the problem with you bums is? You never leave a guy alone unless you're leaving him alone.

Herb Stempel

You wanna be worshipped? Go to India and moo.

Herb Stempel

And they love me for the same reason they used to hate me, because I'm the guy who knows everything.

Herb Stempel

Charles Van Doren — he wouldn't know the answer to a doorbell if you didn't give it to him.

Charles Van Doren

Compare with the real statement made by Charles Van Doren.