CW Chief Warrant Officer Jorge "Fig" Figueroa
After sixteen months of this…can't wait to have a taste of home. A plate of mama's alligators etouff?.
UT USAF Tech Sgt. Robert Epps
You've been talking about barbecued 'gators and crickets for the past few weeks. I'm never going to your mother's house Fig, I promise you!
CF CWO Figueroa
Bobby, alligators are known to have the most succulent meat.
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
I understand.
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
[Figueroa goes into rapid Spanish, while Epps mimics him]
English. English, please.
I mean, how many times do we have to tell you? We don't speak Spanish.
CF CWO Figueroa
Why d'you have to ruin it for me, man? It's my heritage— [lapses back into Spanish]
Fine…go with the Spanish.
SF Sergeant First Class Donnelly
Hey, remember weekends? The Sox at Fenway; a cold hot dog and a flat beer.
CF CWO Figueroa
Perfect day. [to Lennox] What about you, Captain? You got a perfect day?
I just want to hold my baby girl for the first time.
[The other soldiers respond with gently-mocking "awwws" and "he's adorable"]
Shut up!
[Captain Lennox is trying to call the Pentagon while his men fight Scorponok]
NO, I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!!
IO International Operator
[bored]
Sir, the attitude isn't going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.
I'm in the middle of a WAR! This is friggin' ridiculous!! [Runs over to Epps] I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
Pocket!!
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
MY BACK POCKET!!!
You've got ten back pockets!!!
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!!
. . .
IO International Operator
Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full service call package?
NO, I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!! Epps, Pentagon!
All right, you've all had direct contact with the NBEs...
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
[confused]
NBEs?
Non-Biological Extraterrestrials. Try to keep up with the acronyms.
TB Tom Banachek
What you're about to see is totally classified... [Megatron is revealed]
[awestruck]
Dear God, what is that?
TB Tom Banachek
We think that when he made his approach over the North Pole, our gravitational field screwed up his telemetry and crashed into the ice, probably a few thousand years age. We shipped him here to this facility in 1934.
I don't mean to correct you on all that you think you know, but that's Megatron. He's the leader of the Decepticons.
TB Tom Banachek
He's been in cryo-stasis since 1935. Your great-great-grandfather made one of the greatest discoveries in the history of mankind.
Fact is, you're looking at the source of the modern age. The microchip, lasers, cars, space flight: all reverse-engineered by studying him. [sneers at Sam] NBE-1, that's what we call it!
And you didn't think the United States Military might need to know that you're keeping a hostile alien robot frozen in the basement?
Until these events, we had no credible threats to national security.
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
[Epps and Glen stare at the gashes in the Allspark chamber]
Whoa. Has Freddy Krueger been in here?
Naw, man! Freddy Krueger's got four blades, that's only three! That's Wolverine! [growls and laughs] Right, that's Wolverine? [Epps looks very unimpressed]
That's very funny. [Glenn falls slient, offended] Does anyone have any mechanical devices? BlackBerry, key alarm, cell phone?
I got a phone. [hands it to Simmons]
Nokias are real nasty. You gotta respect the Japanese; they know the way of the Samurai.
Yes, but he's, uh... [quietly] you know, strange. He's a little strange.
[Simmons flips a switch, shooting electricity into the box; the cellphone transforms into a well-armed miniature robot that starts shooting at the box with a gatling gun]
We're able to harness the Cube's radiation and funnel it into that box. Mean little sucker, huh?
Kinda like the itty-bitty Energizer Bunny from Hell, huh?!
[Sector 7 agents and the special forces are in a Mexican standoff after Sam demands the return of Bumblebee]
There's an alien war going on, and you wanna start shooting?!
We didn't ask to be here.
I'm ordering you under S7 executive jurisdiction!
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
S7 don't exist!
Yeah, and we don't take orders from people who don't exist!
I'm gonna count to three. [grabs Simmons by the collar and shoves the muzzle of his pistol into the Sector 7 agent's chest]
I'd do as he says. Losing's really not an option for these guys.
[to Lennox]
Okay, okay. You want to lay the fate of the world on the kid's Camaro? That's cool.
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
[radioing to a lone F-22 flying overhead]
Raptor, Raptor, do you copy? We have you visual. Green smoke is the mark, provide air cover and vector Black Hawks for extraction.
[The F-22, guided by the smoke, turns and head for them, but there's no answer] [transforms]
It's Starscream!
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
Please tell me you copy...
Back up, take cover! Bumblebee...!
[With Bumblebee's help, Ironhide grabs a truck and uses it as a shield as Starscream comes closer]
Oh no, no, no, no, MOVE!
Back up! Back up! Incoming!
[Starscream strafes the ground, blasting everyone to the ground]
What the hell was that?
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
What are you talking about?
What do you mean, what am I talking about? They shot at us!
TS Tech Sgt. Epps
F-22 pilots would never fly below buildings! That's alien! That ain't friendly!
