Ron Witwicky quotes from Transformers (2007)

Ron Witwicky

Sam! Do not say anything, Sam! Not a word until we get a lawyer!

Ron Witwicky

Could you stay off the grass?!

Ron Witwicky

You know, mom wanted me to ground you. You're three minutes late.

Ron Witwicky

How come the door's locked? You know the rules: No doors locked in my house!

Ron Witwicky

Judy, better call the city! We've got a brain transformer! Power pole's sparking all over the place!

Ron Witwicky

I've got a little surprise for you, son. [drives towards a Porsche dealer] Yep, a little surprise.

Sam Witwicky

No, no, no, NO!! Dad! Oh, you've got to be kidding me!

Ron Witwicky

Yeah, I am. [drives past Porsche dealer] You're not getting a Porsche!

Sam Witwicky

You think that's funny?

Ron Witwicky

Yeah, I think it's funny.

Sam Witwicky

What's wrong with you?!

Ron Witwicky

What, did you really think I'd get you a Porsche? For your first car?

Sam Witwicky

I don't wanna talk to you for the rest of the day. [Ron chuckles]

Sam Witwicky

Okay, let me explain something to you. You ever seen The 40-Year-Old Virgin?

Ron Witwicky

Yeah...

Sam Witwicky

Well, that... [points to a car] is what it is, and this [points to another car] is the 50-year-old virgin. Do you want me to live that life?

Bobby Boliva

How can I help you, gentlemen?

Ron Witwicky

My son. Looking to buy his first car.

Bobby Boliva

You come to see me?

Sam Witwicky

I had to.

Bobby Boliva

That practically makes us family. Uncle Bobby B, baby. [shakes hands with Sam] Uncle Bobby B. [smiles]

Sam Witwicky

Look, I can't be any clearer than how crystal clear I am being. It just stood up.

Sheriff

It just stood up? Wow, that's really neat. [hands Sam a container and a tissue] Okay, cheify, time to filler up. And no drippy-drippy. What're you rolling? Whippets, goofballs, a little wowie sauce with the boys.

Sam Witwicky

No, I'm not on any drugs.

Sheriff

What's these? [shows Sam his dog's pain pills] Found it in your pocket, "Mojo". Is this what the kids are doing now? A little bit of Mojo.

Sam Witwicky

Those are my dog's pain pills.

Ron Witwicky

You know, a Chihuahua. A little...

Sheriff

What was that?

Sam Witwicky

Hmm?

Sheriff

You eyeballing my piece, Fifty Cent? You wanna go? [leans over to Sam] Make something happen, do it. 'Cause, I promise you, [hovering right over Sam] I will bust you up.

Sam Witwicky

Are you on drugs?

Optimus Prime

Autobots, fall back.

Ratchet

Move!

Get away!

Optimus Prime

What's the matter with you?! Can't you be quiet? He wants us to be quiet!

Ratchet

OW!! [siren goes off, trips and falls; the house starts shaking]

Ron Witwicky

Earthquake! Move, move, move, MOVE!! Earthquake! Judy, get under the table! Move it! Duck and cover, right now!

Judy Witwicty

How did you get over there so fast??

Ratchet

Wow, that was tingly! [tries to get up, strains] You got to try that!

Yeah, that looks fun.

Judy Witwicky

Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?

Ron Witwicky

Judy.

Sam Witwicky

Was I master... No, Mom!

Ron Witwicky

Zip it, okay?

Judy Witwicky

It's okay.

Sam Witwicky

No, I don't masturbate!

Ron Witwicky

That's not something for you to bring up.

Judy Witwicky

It's okay.

Ron Witwicky

That's a father-and-son thing, okay?

Sam Witwicky

Father-and-son thing.

Judy Witwicky

I mean, you don't have to call it that word if it makes you uncomfortable. You can call it "Sam's happy time".

Sam Witwicky

Happy time?

Judy Witwicky

Or "My special alone time with myself".

Ron Witwicky

Judy, stop.

Sam Witwicky

Mom, you can't come in and...

Judy Witwicky

I'm sorry, it's just been a weird night; I've had a little too much to drink.

Agent Reggie Simmons

Ronald Wikity?

Ron Witwicky

It's "Witwicky". Who are you?

Agent Simmons

We're the government. Sector 7.

Ron Witwicky

Never heard of it.

Agent Simmons

Never will. Your son is the great-grandson of Archibald Wikity, is he not?

Ron Witwicky

It's "Witwicky"!

Agent Simmons

May we enter the premises, sir?

Judy Witwicky

Ron, there's guys all over the front yard!

Ron Witwicky

What the heck is going on here?!

Agent Simmons

Your son filed a stolen car report last night. We think he may be involved in a National Security matter.

Ron Witwicky

National Security?

Agent Simmons

That's right, National Security.

Can you shed any light on the recent, so-called alien activity in this area?

Judy Witwicky

Do you know what? I think that if there really was some sort of alien infestation...

Ron Witwicky

Yeah. They, the government, would be the first to let you know.

Judy Witwicky

The government would let us know.

Ron Witwicky

Yeah. I mean, this is America.

Judy Witwicky

You know, that's how we live in a free land, there are no secrets. They'd say "Hey! Duck and cover!" Your head is kind of a different size that it is on television.