[After his parents enter his bedroom, Sam is desperately protesting; the Autobots are secretly outside, and Mikaela is hiding in the room]

Oh, for Pete's sakes! You are so defensive! Were you... masturbating?

Judy.

[frantic]

Was I master... No, Mom!

Zip it, okay?

It's okay.

No, I don't masturbate!

That's not something for you to bring up.

It's okay.

That's a father-and-son thing, okay?

[amazed]

Father-and-son thing.

I mean, you don't have to call it that word if it makes you uncomfortable. You can call it "Sam's happy time".

Happy time?

Or "My special alone time with myself".

Judy, stop.

[final plea]

Mom, you can't come in and...

I'm sorry, it's just been a weird night; I've had a little too much to drink.