John C. Reilly movie quotes

View Quote Brennan: Listen, I know we started out as foe. But after that courageous act that you showed me, against the one they call Derek, maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.
Dale: I would follow you into the mists of Avalon, if that's what you mean.

View Quote Dale: Dad. We're men, okay? That means a few things; we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we like to go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That's what we do. And now that is all wrecked.
Robert: (Thinks for a minute) We literally have never done any of those things.

View Quote Brennan: Your drum set's a whore! I tea bagged your **** drum set!
Dale: Well, my drum set's a guy, so that makes you gay, you ****er!

View Quote I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and 'm in the front row, and 'm hammered drunk...

View Quote Now, I've got a message for all the other drivers out there. If you smell a delicious, crispy smell after the race, it's not your tailpipe. It's just a little of Shake...and Bake!

View Quote I like to think of Jesus as wearin' a Tuxedo T-shirt, 'cause it says, like, "I want to be formal, but I'm here to party too." I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party.

View Quote I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me.

View Quote I'm gonna wreck it!

View Quote [first line] My name's Ralph, and I'm a bad guy. Uh, let's see…I'm 9 feet tall, I weigh 643 pounds, got a bit of a temper on me. My passion levels very near the surface, I guess—not gonna lie. Anywho, what else, uh…I'm a wrecker. I wreck things, professionally. I mean, I'm very good at what I do. Probably the best I know. Thing is, fixing's the name of the game. Literally. Fix-It Felix Jr. So yeah, naturally, the guy with the name Fix-It Felix is the good guy. He's nice enough as good guys go. Definitely fixes stuff really well. But, uh, if you got a magic hammer from your father, how hard can it be? If he was a regular contractor, carpenter guy, I guarantee you, you will not be able to fix the damage that I do as quickly. When Felix does a good job, he gets a medal. But, are there medals for wrecking stuff really well? To that, I say, "Ha!" and, "No, there aren't." For thirty years I have been doing this, and I have seen a lot of other games come and go. It's sad. Think about those guys at Asteroids? Boom, gone. Centipede? Who knows where that guy is, you know? Look, a steady arcade gig is nothing to sneeze at, I'm very lucky. It's just, I gotta say, it becomes kinda hard to love your job when no one seems to like you for doing it.

View Quote I can't let this go. I can't let you go. Now, you... you listen to me now. You're a good person. You're a good and beautiful person and I won't let you walk out on me. And I won't let you say those things - those things about how stupid you are and this and that. I won't stand for that. You want to be with me... then you be with me. You see?

View Quote Sometimes people need a little help. Sometimes people need to be forgiven. And sometimes they need to go to jail.

View Quote [After losing his gun] Oh, Lord, why is this happening to me? God, please help me figure this out. I'm lost out here! I don't understand why it's happening. God, please, God! Whatever it is I did, I'm going to fix it. I'm going to do the right thing. Please, help me find the gun!

View Quote Ralph: [as he enters Game Central Station] Sugar Rush is getting unplugged!

View Quote [the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.]
Cinderella: [sighs] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
[the other princesses cheer]
Ariel: Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [sings] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
Vanellope: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
Jasmine: Uh, she's singing.
Vanellope: Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
Tiana: That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
Vanellope: Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
Rapunzel: Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
Vanellope: Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [clears throat; sings] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. [scats]
Belle: Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?
Vanellope: Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
Mulan: Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
Pocahontas: What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
Vanellope: What?
Snow White: Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
Moana: I stare at the ocean.
Mulan: Horse trough.
Cinderella: Soap bubbles.
Vanellope: Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
Ariel: Important water.
Vanellope: Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
Rapunzel: For sure.
Tiana: Mm-hmm.
Vanellope: Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
[C-3PO enters]
C-3PO: Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quizlet starts in five minutes.
[he leaves]
Jasmine: Okay, thank you.
Tiana: Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
Aurora: It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
Belle: And best of luck finding your song.
Merida: Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!
Vanellope: Uh-huh. What did she just say?
Tiana: We don't know.
Moana: We can't understand her.
Anna: She's from the other studio.
Vanellope: Ah.
Vanellope: Ralph look, I think you fixed your insecurity.
Ralph: Yeah I did. [as Virus Ralph disappears] Woohoo! [he starts to fall]
Vanellope: NO!
J.P. Spamley: [comes to the rescue] Park it right here, Ralph! Your old friend J.P. Spamley's got you!
Ralph: [surprised] Woohoo! [goes right through it and still falls, knocked out silly]
J.P. Spamley: [surprised] Wow, that didn't work. [as Ralph was about to fall to his immediate death the princesses see him falling]
Rapunzel: [gasps] Look up there! It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing! [Moana uses her oar to let out the ocean, Ariel uses it to make a loop-de-loop, and lands on Jasmine's Magic Carpet, and Elsa freezes it into a slide for Ralph. Meanwhile, the other princesses are making their dresses to get Ralph to safety and then he approaches it using the other dresses as parachutes and Ariel sings a few notes to get Pocahontas's attention and she blows him to the place where Aurora got cursed to slumber and Tiana approaches Ralph and uses Naveen to kiss and wake him up from his slumber]
Ralph: Ah, thanks, Frogger. [notices that the princesses have saved Ralph from falling to his death] Wait a minute, who are all of you?
Jasmine: We're friends of Vanellope's.
Elsa: Yeah. And any friend of Vanellope's is a friend of ours.
Moana: You're welcome.
Vanellope: [offscreen] Ralph!
Yesss: [laughs] Looking good, big fella!
Ralph: Hey y'all! [extends his hand that the dress starts to rip as the princesses saw it and laugh] This dress is not made for a big boy. [laughs] It's going right back the alley there. Let me just make a little ajustment. [ajusts the dress and shows his fat belly] There we go. [princesses laugh]
Felix: [Approaches to Ralph, sitting peacefully in the bench while watching the sunrise] Hey. You doing okay there Ralph?
Ralph: Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great. [as the arcade characters reporting to their games] Come on, Felix. Let's get to work, Buddy. [as the two heads off to Fix-It Felix Jr., we zoom back into the plug of the Linkster Wi-Fi router, then we fade to the interior of the arcade section of Litwak's Family Fun Center, we fade to the doors outside, and finally the parking lot in which Del Litwak's car arrives for work, before cutting to the main title]

View Quote [In Game Central Station, a new plug is inserted, and the sign above reads "Wi-Fi"]
Ralph: "Whiffey"? Or "Wifey"? Well, it’s either whiffleball or an arranged marriage game.
Sonic: It's actually pronounced "Wi-Fi", Ralph.
Ralph: Yeah, that’s what I said.
Sonic: And Wi-Fi is the Internet, which is an online community where human beings go to shop and play games and socialize.
Vanellope: Ooh, fun!
[the Surge Protector appears]
Surge Protector: No, it is not! That sign right there says "Wi-Fi", but what it should say is "Die-Fi". [chuckles, but no one responds.] That's a little humor there, but seriously, the Internet is nothing to laugh at. [puts police tape around the entrance] It is new, it is different, and therefore we should fear it. So keep out, for Pete's sake, and get to work. The arcade’s about to open!

View Quote Everybody works for you, Howard.

View Quote You just placed the largest order for airplanes in the history of the goddamned planet, Howard!

View Quote Now, it's been a great ride. We've had a hell of a lot of fun. But you're losing $25,000 a day doing this. Every day.

View Quote (Singing) Are human beings made of more than air? With all that bulk you're bound to see 'em there!... Unless that human bein' next to you, is unimpressive, undistingushed, you... know...who.

View Quote (Singing) Should'a been my name, Mr Cellophane. Cause you can look right through me, walk right by me, and never know I'm there.

View Quote (after singing Mr. Cellophane) Hope I didn't take up too much of your time.

View Quote [Introducing himself at the show] Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I am so excited to be here in an anonymous small town that used to have character but is now just a bland suburb filled with chain stores and surrounded by slum. [Awkward silence in the audience] It really is a pleasure to be here. And I am SO honoured that bla bla bla and so on and so forth and excetera adnosium.

View Quote Now boys, vampires don't exist, but if one did, and he thought someone knew, he might smother them in their sleep.

View Quote [After Darren enters his room and turns on the light] Nice room. Some excellent reading material you have here. Thought this was on the internet now.

View Quote I will **** you up if you **** with me, OK? I know three kinds of Karate: Jujitsu, Aikido, and regular Karate.

View Quote John: [on the phone] Thanks for everything, Syd.
Sydney: There's something I need to tell you. It's something you need to know. It's important. I need to tell you. I love you, John. I love you like you were my own son.
John: Thank you, Syd. I love you too.

View Quote Sydney: I have a friend in Los Angeles. Someone... maybe someone who can help. I can make a call for you, tell him you're a friend, so on and so forth, and we can work this thing out here. I think if you need help paying for your mother's funeral, we can work it out. I want you to see that my reasons for doing this are not selfish, only this: I'd hope that you would do the same for me.
John: I would. Thank you.
Sydney: [shakes John's hand] It's always good to meet a new friend. I'll see you later.

View Quote A singing competition? Who wants to see another one of those?

View Quote This show is not gonna save your theater! Maybe it's time to just move on.

View Quote Eddie: Don't speak French, they speak English here.
Buster: Now, my next show is gonna be drum-roll, please. A singing competition!
Eddie: A singing competition? Who wants to see another one of those?
Buster: Everyone! Just think, your neighbour, the-the-the grocery store manager, that-that-that-that chicken, right there! Everyone is this city gets a shot at being at star, live on my stage!
Eddie: Buster, this is a terrible idea?
Buster: Real talent from real life! That's what audiences want, and I'm going to give it to them!
[slams the spoon off his table]
Richard: Alright, well...
[causing it to fling into a bull's soup]
Eddie: Look, can we please just get out of here?
Buster: Don't you want to eat?
Eddie: No, it's just that... we can't afford any of this stuff.
Buster: Yes, I know, and that's why I brought sandwiches.
Eddie: Uh, that’s not allowed, and...
Buster: What, you don’t like peanut butter and jelly?
Waiter: Excuse me, sir.

View Quote Dewey Cox: Maybe you don't believe in me at all.
Darlene: I do believe in you... I just know you're gonna fail.

View Quote Dewey Cox: [singing] In my dreams, you're blowing me... some kisses.
Darlene: [singing] That's one of my favorite things to do.

View Quote Maharishi: Only through meditation can we begin to understand our role...
Paul McCartney: [eyes closed, waving hands] We're nothing but...grains of sand.
Dewey Cox: That was freakin' transcendental, Paul McCartney. Don't you agree, John Lennon?
John Lennon: Yes, Dewey Cox. With meditation there's no limit to what we can...[glances at camera]...imagine.
Dewey Cox: What do you think, George Harrison, of the Beatles?
George Harrison: Well, you know, when you're speaking of transcendentalism, it's like, you know, is it enlightenment? Where do you go? What sort of path do you take? And I just think we're all just sort of drifting about and when you begin to wonder about it, it's as if it doesn't exist in the first place, but then of course, it does. So there to say, I think it's not really more of answer. It's more of a question.
Ringo Starr: And as Ringo Starr, I'm not so interested in meditation. I just like to have fun. [flashes peace sign]
Dewey Cox: [laughs] I like the little one.
George Harrison: It's so dark in this tent, y'know, it reminds me of when we, the Beatles, the four Beatles, us...
Paul McCartney: From Liverpool.
John Lennon: We are from Liverpool.
George Harrison: ...used to play those dark clubs in Hamburg. You remember that, Paul?
Paul McCartney: [carefully] Of course I do, I booked 'em. I'm the leader of the Beatles.
Dewey Cox: But I have to say, I like your stuff. It's pretty good, and most of your records I really enjoy.
Paul McCartney: Well, we're big fans of your records too. We like to think that "Hard Day's Night" is our "Guilty As Charged".
John Lennon: Great record. Great record.
Theo: Well, we're real big fans of y'all.
Sam: Huge fans.
Dave: You guys are almost as good as the Monkees. You guys are great.
Ringo Starr: I think I might adjourn to another dimension, take some LSD. You care to join me?
Sam: Let's do that.
George Harrison: Care to join us for some LSD, Dewey? It's good for you.
Paul McCartney: Built by scientists, it is.
Ringo Starr: Lysergic.
Dewey Cox: [points at wedding ring] Gotta check with headquarters.
John Lennon: Come on, Dewey Cox, I think you might enjoy it...open up your mind, a new experience, a new level of consciousness, like we did, because we are the Beatles.
Paul McCartney: Why don't you just let him decide. If he wants to take LSD he'll take it. He doesn't have to listen to you, you're not the boss of him.
John Lennon: [sulkily] Don't tell me what to say and what not to say, Paul McCartney.
Paul McCartney: I'm sick of you being so dark when I'm so impish and whimsical! I'm sick of it!
John Lennon: Hey look everyone, I've got a brand new mantra! [hums] Paul's a big fat ****.
George Harrison: Don't know why you two don't let me write more songs, y'know, I just sit here, while me guitar quietly whimpers...
Paul McCartney: Well, you are the quiet one, so why don't you shut the **** up?
Ringo Starr: [whining] I've got a song about an octopus.
John Lennon: Jam it up your ass. You're lucky we still let you play the drums.
Dewey Cox: Wow. Seems like there's a rift happening between the Beatles.
John Lennon: [to Paul] I wonder if your songs will still be shit when I'm sixty-four.
[Paul attacks John; they begin to wrestle]

View Quote [as Chest Rockwell] Let's go get some of that Saturday night beaver.

View Quote Want to hear a poem I wrote? "I love you, you love me. Going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree, and see lots of bees. Playing. Playing. But the bees won't sting, because you love me." That's it.

View Quote Dirk Diggler: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, alright?
Record Producer: No. You don't get the tapes until you've paid.
Dirk Diggler: In our situation, that doesn't make any **** sense.
Reed Rothchild: Look, we cannot pay for the tapes unless we take the tapes to the record company and get paid.
Dirk Diggler: Hello? Exactly.
Record Producer: That's not an MP, that's a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it.
Reed Rothchild: Okay, now you're talking above my head. I don't know all of this industry jargon, YP, MP, whatever. All I know is that I can't get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a uh um oh, you own them, all right, but the magic that is on those tapes. That **** heart and soul that we put onto those tapes, that is ours and you don't own that. Now I need to take that magic and get it over the record company. And they're waiting for us, we were supposed to be there a half hour ago. We look like assholes, man.
Dirk Diggler: Let me explain to him in simple arithmetic. One, two three! Because you don't ****in' get it, Burt! You give us the tapes, we get the record contract, we come back and give you your ****in' money. Have you heard the tapes? Have you even heard them? We're guaranteed a record deal. Our stuff is that good!
Record Producer: Now I get it. Now I understand. You want it to happen...but it's not going to happen. Because it's a Catch-22.
Dirk Diggler: What the **** does that mean? What is a Catch-22, Burt?
Record Producer: Catch-22, gentlemen. Think about it.
[pause]
Dirk Diggler: You know what I'm thinking about, man? I'm thinking about kicking some ****in' ass!

View Quote Michael Longstreet: Penelope, what happened to your sense of humor?
Penelope Longstreet: I don't have a sense of humor, and I don't want one!

View Quote Michael Longstreet: I was wondering — and I know this is isn't important — but do you know what they were arguing about? Ethan won't say a word.
Nancy Cowan: Ethan wouldn't let Zachary be a part of his gang.
Penelope Longstreet: [horrified] Ethan has a gang?
Alec Cowan: And he called him a snitch.
Penelope Longstreet: [to Michael] Did you know Ethan had a gang?
Michael Longstreet: No, but I'm thrilled to hear it!

View Quote Nancy Cowan: [reaching for the scotch bottle] Let's get out of here, Alan. These people are monsters.
Alan Cowan: Stop it, Nancy.
Nancy Cowan: No, no, no. I want to drink some more. I- I wanna get drunk off my ass! This- this bitch throws my bag against the ceiling, nobody lifts a finger. I wanna be blind drunk.
Alan Cowan: You're drunk enough.
Nancy Cowan: How can you let her call our son a criminal? We come over here to work things out with them and they, they insult us, they browbeat us, they lecture us about being good citizens of the world! I am glad our son kicked the shit out of your son and I wipe my ass with your human rights!
Michael Longstreet: Wow! Get a couple of drinks in her and BAM!, her true self comes out.

View Quote That's the Big One!

View Quote "Cold War"? Did we take the summers off?

View Quote Hank Marlow: The way they tell it for thousands of years, the people on this island lived in fear. That's a hell of a long time to be scared. And then, one day, the damnedest thing happened. Some of the things they were afraid of started protecting them against the things that were eating them. But nothing lasts forever, I guess. And this is where they honor the last of their saviors. Yeah. That's Kong. He's king around here. He's God to these people. Kong's a pretty good king. Keeps to himself, mostly. This is his home. We're just guests here. But you don't go into someone's house and start dropping bombs unless you're picking a fight.
Mason Weaver: Wasn't Kong the one who killed your friend?
Hank Marlow: No. One of them did. [points to a painting of a Skull Crawler] Kong's God on the island, but the devils live below us.
James Conrad: And what are they called?
Hank Marlow: The Iwis won't speak their name. But I call them Skullcrawlers.
James Conrad: Why?
Hank Marlow: 'Cause it sounds neat.
James Conrad: …Okay.
Hank Marlow: Look, I just made that name up. I'm trying to scare you!
Mason Weaver: I'm fine calling them that. [to Conrad] Are you cool with that? I like the name, so I think...
James Conrad: Yeah, that seems like... a great name.
Hank Marlow: I've never said that name out loud before, it sounds stupid now that I say it. Just... you call them whatever you want. They're big lizard things. Nasty. They come from the vents, deep down. That's why Kong got so mad. Those bombs woke up a bunch of them. I tell you what, you're lucky he's out there too, or you would not have made it this far. Crafty bastards, mean as hell. He can handle them, as long as he gets to them when they're still small. But you don't wanna wake up the Big One.
San Lin: How big is it?
Hank Marlow: It's bigger. It wiped out his whole family. Kong's the last of his kind, but he's still growing. And you better hope he does, because the Iwis say once Kong goes... then the Big One comes up. And it's goodnight, Irene!