Ralph [first lines]
Okay, my turn, my turn! Um, I got one.
Great, but can you make it a little more challenging this time?
Ralph Okay, check this out. I spy with my little eye something yellow and round, and it eats dots.
Ralph Yeah, seriously. You're never gonna get it.
Well, obviously it's Pac-Man!
Ralph No! That's not – why is that obvious?
Name one other thing in this whole arcade that is yellow and round and eats dots.
Ralph I can name two things: Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac-Man. Boom! I accept your apology.
Yeah, you're right. Okay, but was it Pac-Man?
Ralph Yeah, you got me.
Ralph [In Game Central Station, a new plug is inserted, and the sign above reads "Wi-Fi"]
"Whiffey"? Or "Wifey"? Well, it’s either whiffleball or an arranged marriage game.
S Sonic
It's actually pronounced "Wi-Fi", Ralph.
Ralph Yeah, that’s what I said.
S Sonic
And Wi-Fi is the Internet, which is an online community where human beings go to shop and play games and socialize.
SP Surge Protector
[the Surge Protector appears]
No, it is not! That sign right there says "Wi-Fi", but what it should say is "Die-Fi". [chuckles, but no one responds.] That's a little humor there, but seriously, the Internet is nothing to laugh at. [puts police tape around the entrance] It is new, it is different, and therefore we should fear it. So keep out, for Pete's sake, and get to work. The arcade’s about to open!
[the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.] [sighs]
So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
[the other princesses cheer]
Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [sings] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
T Tiana
That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [clears throat; sings] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. [scats]
B Belle
Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?
Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
M Mulan
Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
C3 C-3PO
[C-3PO enters]
Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quizlet starts in five minutes.
[he leaves]
Okay, thank you.
T Tiana
Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
B Belle
And best of luck finding your song.
M Merida
Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!
Uh-huh. What did she just say?
She's from the other studio.
Ralph look, I think you fixed your insecurity.
Ralph Yeah I did. [as Virus Ralph disappears] Woohoo! [he starts to fall]
JP J.P. Spamley
[comes to the rescue]
Park it right here, Ralph! Your old friend J.P. Spamley's got you!
Ralph [surprised]
Woohoo! [goes right through it and still falls, knocked out silly]
JP J.P. Spamley
[surprised]
Wow, that didn't work. [as Ralph was about to fall to his immediate death the princesses see him falling]
[gasps]
Look up there! It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing! [Moana uses her oar to let out the ocean, Ariel uses it to make a loop-de-loop, and lands on Jasmine's Magic Carpet, and Elsa freezes it into a slide for Ralph. Meanwhile, the other princesses are making their dresses to get Ralph to safety and then he approaches it using the other dresses as parachutes and Ariel sings a few notes to get Pocahontas's attention and she blows him to the place where Aurora got cursed to slumber and Tiana approaches Ralph and uses Naveen to kiss and wake him up from his slumber]
Ralph Ah, thanks, Frogger. [notices that the princesses have saved Ralph from falling to his death] Wait a minute, who are all of you?
We're friends of Vanellope's.
Yeah. And any friend of Vanellope's is a friend of ours.
Y Yesss
[laughs]
Looking good, big fella!
Ralph Hey y'all! [extends his hand that the dress starts to rip as the princesses saw it and laugh] This dress is not made for a big boy. [laughs] It's going right back the alley there. Let me just make a little ajustment. [ajusts the dress and shows his fat belly] There we go. [princesses laugh]
F Felix
[Approaches to Ralph, sitting peacefully in the bench while watching the sunrise]
Hey. You doing okay there Ralph?
Ralph Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great. [as the arcade characters reporting to their games] Come on, Felix. Let's get to work, Buddy. [as the two heads off to Fix-It Felix Jr., we zoom back into the plug of the Linkster Wi-Fi router, then we fade to the interior of the arcade section of Litwak's Family Fun Center, we fade to the doors outside, and finally the parking lot in which Del Litwak's car arrives for work, before cutting to the main title]
[dodges the gumballs]
And one, two, three gumballs. Right on cue!
N Nafisa
[about Vanellope]
I love it when she glitches!
[snores and wakes up to Taffyta]
Excuse me, I must've fallen asleep. Oh, fun, I'm winning. [drives away from Taffyta]
Ralph [Taffyta starts crying] [creates a new track for Vanellope to try] [chuckles]
She's gonna love this. [hears Vanellope driving by; laughs] Right on time! [runs off]
[confused]
What? [seeing three signs] "Looking for something new, and different? Then take this track!" Oh, Ralph, you old son of a gun! I'd say I got a little time for a detour! [drives to the new track on the right]
S Swatti
[gasps]
Hey, look! I think I unlocked a new track!
N Nafisa
Never seen that before.
Vanellope: This is awesome! [from a distance] Thanks, Ralph!
Ralph [laughs]
You're welcome!
N Nafisa
Get back on the track, Swatti! You're going to lose!
S Swatti
I can't! It's like it's driving itself! [struggles to turn the wheel. Vanellope drives around in a Hot Fudge Bog] What is wrong with this thing? [tries to regain control of the wheel]
[tries to turn the wheel too, until Swatti accidentally turns the wheel too hard, yanking it out of the console]
Oh, no! [screams]
Ralph [gasps in worry]
Kid!
[flies off the Peppermint Stick Forest]
Ralph!
S Swatti
[Vanellope's race car crushes into a stop at the hot fudge.] [looks at the broken wheel]
Oh, no, no, no, no!
Ralph [walks to Vanellope, who has got her race car crashed into hot fudge]
Kid! Kid! Oh, kid, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?
[jumps up]
What an amazing track! Thank you, Ralph! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Ralph [laughs]
You're welcome! You know I take my duty as your hero very seriously.
Wait a minute. You took a serious duty where?
T Taffyta
[Vanellope and Ralph both laugh, until Taffyta calls out to Vanellope] [calls out to Vanellope]
Vanellope, get up here! We have a situation. [runs off with two other racers]
Ralph [as he gets out of Shank's car]
This car is not designed for a big boy.
S Shank
[to Ralph]
You guys really thought you could steal my car? Well, let me tell you what's gonna happen now.
Ralph [to Shank]
No, wait! Listen. We aren't normally car thieves. My friend here, she's a candy cart racer. [pretends to feel emotional] You should see her racing on her cookie wafer cart we built together. [Vanellope turns away at this unnecessary moment] The thing is, her perfect little game broke and it was my fault! [starts crying] So, we are here to try to fix it and we need money to do that and someone was gonna pay us money to steal your car-
S Shank
[comforts Ralph by patting his giant finger]
Okay, okay. You can stop crying. Though I do respect your wonderful display of vulnerability.
Ralph [sniffles and stops crying]
Thank you.
S Shank
I get it. I do. Friendship is everything to us, too. Right, guys?
F Felony
Word. We're like family.
Ralph That's really great. So, does this mean we can keep your car?
S Shank
Absolutely not. But I do want to help. [to Felony] Hey, you got your phone on you?
S Shank
Let's make a video. [to Pyro] Pyro, hit big boy with the blow and go.
P Pyro
[pulls out a leaf blower]
I'd love to.
Ralph [After the Slaughter Race server is forced to restart, Ralph crashes out through the metal door, carrying an unconscious Vanellope.]
Come on, Vanellope. Wake up. Don't leave me, kid.
Ralph Oh, there you are. You okay, kid?
[starts sobbing]
Ralph, I (really) messed up so bad.
Ralph No, no, you didn't, it's okay.
This is all because of me and my glitch. I should’ve just stayed with you instead of following some (I'm so) stupid dream. All I need is one thing: myself. I’ve ruined everything. [hugs Ralph]
Ralph No, kid, no. Uh, look. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. It was not supposed to be this bad.
You didn’t mean for what to happen?
Ralph I mighta, kinda, sorta put a harmless little virus (Arthur) in the game.
A virus (Arthur)? You did this?
Ralph [neurotically; angrily]
Well, I wouldn’t have done anything if I hadn’t heard you tell Shank that you wanted to live in Slaughter Race forever.
[gasps]
So, you were spying on me?!
Ralph [angrily]
Hey! You’re not exactly innocent here, you were goin' to ditch everybody and abandon out of order for Sugar Rush!?
[becomes angrily]
Oh, please, I’m one of 16 racers! They’d never miss me!
Ralph What about me?!
[angrily]
Why would I ever spend another second with you after what you did?! [furiously pulls off the "You're My Hero" medal around Ralph's neck and throws it away into the abyss]
Ralph [gasps as he tries to catch it]
No! [looks down at the abyss] No. [Vanellope starts to leave] Vanellope, where are you going?!
Ralph Wait a minute! I can explain...
[angrily stops and turns to Ralph]
NO!! You will not follow me!
Ralph Vanellope, please--!
[tearfully enraged]
A friend would never do what you did! Never! SO YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!! [tearfully storms off]
Ralph Vanellope, no, no, no! Please! Please! What did I do?!
A Arthur
[emerges from the rebooting Slaughter Race and spots Ralph, who is begging at Vanellope to return]
Scanning for insecurities.
Ralph Aw, come on, Vanellope! No! Don't leave me!
A Arthur
Insecurity detected. Copying insecurity.
Ralph No, no, no!
A Arthur
Distributing insecurity. [starts to shoot off strands of the Ralph Virus]
Ralph [finds "You're My Hero" medal in the older site abyss that it's now broken into half because of Vanellope's break up with him]
Oh, no. You're such an idiot!
