[first lines]
Okay, my turn, my turn! Um, I got one.
Vanellope Great, but can you make it a little more challenging this time?
Okay, check this out. I spy with my little eye something yellow and round, and it eats dots.
Vanellope Seriously, Ralph?
Yeah, seriously. You're never gonna get it.
Vanellope Well, obviously it's Pac-Man!
No! That's not – why is that obvious?
Vanellope Name one other thing in this whole arcade that is yellow and round and eats dots.
I can name two things: Ms. Pac-Man and Baby Pac-Man. Boom! I accept your apology.
Vanellope Yeah, you're right. Okay, but was it Pac-Man?
[In Game Central Station, a new plug is inserted, and the sign above reads "Wi-Fi"]
"Whiffey"? Or "Wifey"? Well, it’s either whiffleball or an arranged marriage game.
S Sonic
It's actually pronounced "Wi-Fi", Ralph.
Yeah, that’s what I said.
S Sonic
And Wi-Fi is the Internet, which is an online community where human beings go to shop and play games and socialize.
Vanellope Ooh, fun!
SP Surge Protector
[the Surge Protector appears]
No, it is not! That sign right there says "Wi-Fi", but what it should say is "Die-Fi". [chuckles, but no one responds.] That's a little humor there, but seriously, the Internet is nothing to laugh at. [puts police tape around the entrance] It is new, it is different, and therefore we should fear it. So keep out, for Pete's sake, and get to work. The arcade’s about to open!
Vanellope [Vanellope glitches into the dressing room of the Disney Princesses]
Uh, hi.
Vanellope [the princesses surround her on all sides]
Whoa! Whoa! Ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too.
Vanellope Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]
What kind of a princess are you?
Vanellope What kind?
Vanellope No.
Vanellope No.
Vanellope No.
Vanellope No!
Vanellope No!
Vanellope No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?
Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?
Vanellope No! Good Lord! Who would do that?!
Have you ever had true love's kiss?
Vanellope Eww! Barf!
Do you have daddy issues?
Vanellope I don't even have a mom!
NP Numerous princesses
Neither do we!
And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?
Vanellope Yes! What is up with that?
AP All princesses
She is a Princess!
[Snow White vocalizes] [eyes Vanellope's clothing]
Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.
Vanellope Oh, this old thing?
Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.
I want one too, you guys!
I'll get my mice on this.
[the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.] [sighs]
So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
[the other princesses cheer]
Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [sings] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
Vanellope Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
Vanellope Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
T Tiana
That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
Vanellope Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
Vanellope Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [clears throat; sings] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. [scats]
B Belle
Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?
Vanellope Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
M Mulan
Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
Vanellope What?
Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
Vanellope Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
Vanellope Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
Vanellope Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
C3 C-3PO
[C-3PO enters]
Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quizlet starts in five minutes.
[he leaves]
Okay, thank you.
T Tiana
Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
B Belle
And best of luck finding your song.
M Merida
Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!
Vanellope Uh-huh. What did she just say?
She's from the other studio.
Vanellope Ah.
Vanellope Ralph look, I think you fixed your insecurity.
Yeah I did. [as Virus Ralph disappears] Woohoo! [he starts to fall]
Vanellope NO!
JP J.P. Spamley
[comes to the rescue]
Park it right here, Ralph! Your old friend J.P. Spamley's got you!
[surprised]
Woohoo! [goes right through it and still falls, knocked out silly]
JP J.P. Spamley
[surprised]
Wow, that didn't work. [as Ralph was about to fall to his immediate death the princesses see him falling]
[gasps]
Look up there! It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing! [Moana uses her oar to let out the ocean, Ariel uses it to make a loop-de-loop, and lands on Jasmine's Magic Carpet, and Elsa freezes it into a slide for Ralph. Meanwhile, the other princesses are making their dresses to get Ralph to safety and then he approaches it using the other dresses as parachutes and Ariel sings a few notes to get Pocahontas's attention and she blows him to the place where Aurora got cursed to slumber and Tiana approaches Ralph and uses Naveen to kiss and wake him up from his slumber]
Ah, thanks, Frogger. [notices that the princesses have saved Ralph from falling to his death] Wait a minute, who are all of you?
We're friends of Vanellope's.
Yeah. And any friend of Vanellope's is a friend of ours.
Vanellope [offscreen]
Ralph!
Y Yesss
[laughs]
Looking good, big fella!
Hey y'all! [extends his hand that the dress starts to rip as the princesses saw it and laugh] This dress is not made for a big boy. [laughs] It's going right back the alley there. Let me just make a little ajustment. [ajusts the dress and shows his fat belly] There we go. [princesses laugh]
F Felix
[Approaches to Ralph, sitting peacefully in the bench while watching the sunrise]
Hey. You doing okay there Ralph?
Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great. [as the arcade characters reporting to their games] Come on, Felix. Let's get to work, Buddy. [as the two heads off to Fix-It Felix Jr., we zoom back into the plug of the Linkster Wi-Fi router, then we fade to the interior of the arcade section of Litwak's Family Fun Center, we fade to the doors outside, and finally the parking lot in which Del Litwak's car arrives for work, before cutting to the main title]
Vanellope [dodges the gumballs]
And one, two, three gumballs. Right on cue!
N Nafisa
[about Vanellope]
I love it when she glitches!
Vanellope [snores and wakes up to Taffyta]
Excuse me, I must've fallen asleep. Oh, fun, I'm winning. [drives away from Taffyta]
[Taffyta starts crying] [creates a new track for Vanellope to try] [chuckles]
She's gonna love this. [hears Vanellope driving by; laughs] Right on time! [runs off]
Vanellope [confused]
What? [seeing three signs] "Looking for something new, and different? Then take this track!" Oh, Ralph, you old son of a gun! I'd say I got a little time for a detour! [drives to the new track on the right]
S Swatti
[gasps]
Hey, look! I think I unlocked a new track!
N Nafisa
Never seen that before.
Vanellope: This is awesome! [from a distance] Thanks, Ralph!
N Nafisa
Get back on the track, Swatti! You're going to lose!
S Swatti
I can't! It's like it's driving itself! [struggles to turn the wheel. Vanellope drives around in a Hot Fudge Bog] What is wrong with this thing? [tries to regain control of the wheel]
Vanellope [tries to turn the wheel too, until Swatti accidentally turns the wheel too hard, yanking it out of the console]
Oh, no! [screams]
Vanellope [flies off the Peppermint Stick Forest]
Ralph!
S Swatti
[Vanellope's race car crushes into a stop at the hot fudge.] [looks at the broken wheel]
Oh, no, no, no, no!
[walks to Vanellope, who has got her race car crashed into hot fudge]
Kid! Kid! Oh, kid, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?
Vanellope [jumps up]
What an amazing track! Thank you, Ralph! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
[laughs]
You're welcome! You know I take my duty as your hero very seriously.
Vanellope Wait a minute. You took a serious duty where?
T Taffyta
[Vanellope and Ralph both laugh, until Taffyta calls out to Vanellope] [calls out to Vanellope]
Vanellope, get up here! We have a situation. [runs off with two other racers]
Vanellope [glitches into the dressing room of the Disney Princesses; The Disney Princesses gasp]
Uh, hi. [The Disney Princesses surround Vanellope on all sides, ready to attack her with their powers and weapons] Whoa! Whoa! Ladies, I can explain! See, I'm a princess, too.
Vanellope Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]
What kind of a princess are you?
Vanellope What kind?
Vanellope No.
Vanellope No.
Vanellope No.
Vanellope No!
Vanellope No!
Vanellope No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?
Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch (Ursula), where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?
Vanellope No! Good Lord! Who would do that?!
Have you ever had true love's kiss?
Vanellope [disgusted]
Ew! Barf!
Do you have daddy issues?
Vanellope I don't even have a mom!
NP Numerous princesses
Neither do we!
And now for the million-dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man (Wreck-It Ralph) showed up?
Vanellope Yes! What is up with that?
AP All princesses
She is a Princess!
[Snow White vocalizes] [eyes Vanellope's clothing]
Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.
Vanellope Oh, this old thing?
Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.
I want one too, you guys!
I'll get my mice on this. [The Disney Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes; Cinderella sighs] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
[the other Disney Princesses cheer]
Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [sings] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
Vanellope Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
Vanellope Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
T Tiana
That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
Vanellope Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
Vanellope Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [clears her throat and sings] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. [scats]
B Belle
Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?
Vanellope Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
M Mulan
Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
Vanellope What?
Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
Vanellope Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
Vanellope Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
Vanellope Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
C3 C-3PO
[enters the room]
Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quizlet starts in five minutes. [leaves]
T Tiana
Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
B Belle
And best of luck finding your song.
M Merida
[speaking Scottish]
Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!
Vanellope Uh-huh... [whispering] What did she just say?
She's from the other studio.
Vanellope Ah.
[After the Slaughter Race server is forced to restart, Ralph crashes out through the metal door, carrying an unconscious Vanellope.]
Come on, Vanellope. Wake up. Don't leave me, kid.
Vanellope [wakes up]
Ralph?
Oh, there you are. You okay, kid?
Vanellope [starts sobbing]
Ralph, I (really) messed up so bad.
No, no, you didn't, it's okay.
Vanellope This is all because of me and my glitch. I should’ve just stayed with you instead of following some (I'm so) stupid dream. All I need is one thing: myself. I’ve ruined everything. [hugs Ralph]
No, kid, no. Uh, look. I didn’t mean for it to happen like this. It was not supposed to be this bad.
Vanellope You didn’t mean for what to happen?
I mighta, kinda, sorta put a harmless little virus (Arthur) in the game.
Vanellope A virus (Arthur)? You did this?
[neurotically; angrily]
Well, I wouldn’t have done anything if I hadn’t heard you tell Shank that you wanted to live in Slaughter Race forever.
Vanellope [gasps]
So, you were spying on me?!
[angrily]
Hey! You’re not exactly innocent here, you were goin' to ditch everybody and abandon out of order for Sugar Rush!?
Vanellope [becomes angrily]
Oh, please, I’m one of 16 racers! They’d never miss me!
Vanellope [angrily]
Why would I ever spend another second with you after what you did?! [furiously pulls off the "You're My Hero" medal around Ralph's neck and throws it away into the abyss]
[gasps as he tries to catch it]
No! [looks down at the abyss] No. [Vanellope starts to leave] Vanellope, where are you going?!
Vanellope Wherever you're not!
Wait a minute! I can explain...
Vanellope [angrily stops and turns to Ralph]
NO!! You will not follow me!
Vanellope [tearfully enraged]
A friend would never do what you did! Never! SO YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!! [tearfully storms off]
Vanellope, no, no, no! Please! Please! What did I do?!
A Arthur
[emerges from the rebooting Slaughter Race and spots Ralph, who is begging at Vanellope to return]
Scanning for insecurities.
Aw, come on, Vanellope! No! Don't leave me!
A Arthur
Insecurity detected. Copying insecurity.
A Arthur
Distributing insecurity. [starts to shoot off strands of the Ralph Virus]
[finds "You're My Hero" medal in the older site abyss that it's now broken into half because of Vanellope's break up with him]
Oh, no. You're such an idiot!
