Boogie Nights 1997 quotes

Amber Waves

What are you looking at?

Jack Horner

I'm looking at you.

Amber Waves

You're staring.

Jack Horner

You know what I'm staring at? I'm staring at the foxiest bitch in the whole world.

Dirk Diggler

Look, man, all we need is the tapes, alright?

No. You don't get the tapes until you've paid.

Dirk Diggler

In our situation, that doesn't make any **** sense.

Reed Rothchild

Look, we cannot pay for the tapes unless we take the tapes to the record company and get paid.

Dirk Diggler

Hello? Exactly.

That's not an MP, that's a YP, your problem. Come up with the money, or forget it.

Reed Rothchild

Okay, now you're talking above my head. I don't know all of this industry jargon, YP, MP, whatever. All I know is that I can't get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a uh um oh, you own them, all right, but the magic that is on those tapes. That **** heart and soul that we put onto those tapes, that is ours and you don't own that. Now I need to take that magic and get it over the record company. And they're waiting for us, we were supposed to be there a half hour ago. We look like assholes, man.

Dirk Diggler

Let me explain to him in simple arithmetic. One, two three! Because you don't ****in' get it, Burt! You give us the tapes, we get the record contract, we come back and give you your ****in' money. Have you heard the tapes? Have you even heard them? We're guaranteed a record deal. Our stuff is that good!

Now I get it. Now I understand. You want it to happen...but it's not going to happen. Because it's a Catch-22.

Dirk Diggler

What the **** does that mean? What is a Catch-22, Burt?

Catch-22, gentlemen. Think about it.

Dirk Diggler

You know what I'm thinking about, man? I'm thinking about kicking some ****in' ass!

Eddie Adams

Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know?

Jack Horner

Yeah?

Eddie Adams

I was wondering if you had any ideas.

Jack Horner

I've got a few, but you tell me.

Eddie Adams

Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp.

Jack Horner

Tell me.

Eddie Adams

When I close my eyes, I see this thing. A sign. I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign...it just blows up because the name is so powerful. It says, "Dirk Diggler." What do you think?

Jack Horner

I think...that's a great name.

This is the future. Videotape tells the truth.

Jack Horner

Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will never make a movie on tape. I'll tell you something else. I will never, ever loan out any of the actors that I have under contract.

Wait, Jack, I'm not a complicated man. I like cinema. In particular, I like to see people **** on film. But I don't want to win an Oscar, and I don't want to reinvent the wheel. I like simple pleasures...like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy. Call me crazy, call me a pervert, but there's one little thing I want to do in this life, and that is to make a dollar and a cent in this business. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to help you stay one step ahead of the game.

Jack Horner

But you gotta get the people in the theater. You know, you need the big dicks, the big tits...

Amber Waves

Uh oh, here we go.

Jack Horner

How do you keep them in the theater after they've come? The beauty and the acting. No, I understand you've got to get 'em in the theater. You know, you've got to get the seats full. But I don't want to make a film where they show up, they sit down, they jack off, and they get up and they get out before the story ends. It is my dream, it is my goal, it is my idea to make a film where the story just sucks them in. And when they spurt out that joy juice, they've got to just sit in it. They can't move until they find out how the story ends. You know, I want to make a film like that. And I understand, they have to make films...I've made them myself, you know where there's a few laughs, everyone ****s their brains out. And that's fine. But it's my dream to make a film that is true and right and dramatic.

Jack Horner

The Colonel here puts up all the money for our films. It's an important part of the process.

Eddie Adams

Great.

Colonel James

I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big ****.

Eddie Adams

Well, I don't know, I guess so.

Colonel James

May I see it?

Eddie Adams

Really?

Colonel James

Please! [stares as Eddie lowers his shorts]

Colonel James

Thank you, Eddie.

Eddie Adams

No problem.
[the Colonel continues to stare as Eddie walks away]

This is TWICE in two days that a chick has OD'd on me!

Colonel James

Well, do you think this means that maybe ya oughta think about getting some new shit? Whaddya think?

Yes, sir.

Amber Waves

I miss my two sons, you know. I miss my little Andrew... and I miss my Dirk. I always felt like Dirk was my baby. My new baby. Don't you miss Dirk?

Yeah.

Amber Waves

He's so **** talented, the bastard. You know, I just...I love him, Rollergirl. I really love the stupid jerk. [laughs]

I love you, Mom. I want you to be my mom, Amber. Are you my mom? I'll just...I'll ask you if you're my mom, and you say yes, okay? Are you my mom?

Amber Waves

Yes, honey. Yes, yes. [They embrace, both crying]

Jack Horner

Alright, you didn't know how old she was, and you just brought her back to your place, that's all. You didn't do anything.

Colonel James

No.

Jack Horner

You didn't do anything, right?

Colonel James

No! You know me, Jack.

Jack Horner

Alright.

Colonel James

It's just...they found something else at the house.

Jack Horner

What?

Colonel James

Well, it's just...it's my **** weakness, Jack. They're so cute. They're so small. They're so adorable.

Jack Horner

Ah, Jesus...

Colonel James

I don't touch them, Jack! I don't touch them in any way! Now you think I'm an asshole. Now, I love you, Jack, you know that. Now, there's just one thing I wanna know. Are you gonna be my friend? Are you my friend, Jack?

Jack Horner

Alright. [puts the phone down and gets up to leave]

I could die of starvation before I get something in my mouth.

Dirk Diggler

You still hungry?

Starving.

Dirk Diggler

Why don't you feast on that?

Reed Rothchild

Let's go get some of that Saturday night beaver.

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler

"I've been around this block twice now looking for something - a clue. Been looking for clues and something led me back here, yeah, so here I am. Could've been me who was at Ringo's place when the shit went down. Hey, I know how it is, I've been there. We've all done bad things. We've all had those guilty feelings in our hearts. You wanna take your brain out of your head and wash it and scrub it and make it clean. Well, no, but I'm gonna help you settle this. First we're gonna check for holes and see what we can find. Then, we're gonna get nice and wet, so you're gonna spread your legs. Oh, that's good, so you know me, you know my reputation. Thirteen inches is a tough load, I don't treat you gently. That's right. I'm Brock Landers. So I'm gonna be nice, and I'm gonna ask you one more time: where the **** is Ringo?" I'm a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I am a big, bright shining star. Yeah, that's right.

Jack Horner

I got a feeling that behind those jeans is something wonderful just waiting to get out.

Eddie Adams/Dirk Diggler

You don't know what I can do! You don't know what I can do, what I'm gonna do, or what I'm gonna be! You don't know I'm good! I have good things that you don't know about! I'm gonna be something! I am! And don't **** tell me I'm not!

Reed Rothchild

Want to hear a poem I wrote? "I love you, you love me. Going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree, and see lots of bees. Playing. Playing. But the bees won't sting, because you love me." That's it.