Jack Horner quotes from Boogie Nights (1997)

Jack Horner

We're about to make film history, right here... on videotape.

Jack Horner

But you gotta get the people in the theater. You know, you need the big dicks, the big tits...

Amber Waves

Uh oh, here we go.

Jack Horner

How do you keep them in the theater after they've come? The beauty and the acting. No, I understand you've got to get 'em in the theater. You know, you've got to get the seats full. But I don't want to make a film where they show up, they sit down, they jack off, and they get up and they get out before the story ends. It is my dream, it is my goal, it is my idea to make a film where the story just sucks them in. And when they spurt out that joy juice, they've got to just sit in it. They can't move until they find out how the story ends. You know, I want to make a film like that. And I understand, they have to make films...I've made them myself, you know where there's a few laughs, everyone ****s their brains out. And that's fine. But it's my dream to make a film that is true and right and dramatic.

Jack Horner

The Colonel here puts up all the money for our films. It's an important part of the process.

Eddie Adams

Great.

Colonel James

I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big ****.

Eddie Adams

Well, I don't know, I guess so.

Colonel James

May I see it?

Eddie Adams

Really?

Colonel James

Please! [stares as Eddie lowers his shorts]

Colonel James

Thank you, Eddie.

Eddie Adams

No problem.
[the Colonel continues to stare as Eddie walks away]

Eddie Adams

Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know?

Jack Horner

Yeah?

Eddie Adams

I was wondering if you had any ideas.

Jack Horner

I've got a few, but you tell me.

Eddie Adams

Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp.

Jack Horner

Tell me.

Eddie Adams

When I close my eyes, I see this thing. A sign. I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign...it just blows up because the name is so powerful. It says, "Dirk Diggler." What do you think?

Jack Horner

I think...that's a great name.

This is the future. Videotape tells the truth.

Jack Horner

Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will never make a movie on tape. I'll tell you something else. I will never, ever loan out any of the actors that I have under contract.

Wait, Jack, I'm not a complicated man. I like cinema. In particular, I like to see people **** on film. But I don't want to win an Oscar, and I don't want to reinvent the wheel. I like simple pleasures...like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That's just me. That's just something that I enjoy. Call me crazy, call me a pervert, but there's one little thing I want to do in this life, and that is to make a dollar and a cent in this business. I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm trying to help you stay one step ahead of the game.

Jack Horner

Alright, you didn't know how old she was, and you just brought her back to your place, that's all. You didn't do anything.

Colonel James

No.

Jack Horner

You didn't do anything, right?

Colonel James

No! You know me, Jack.

Jack Horner

Alright.

Colonel James

It's just...they found something else at the house.

Jack Horner

What?

Colonel James

Well, it's just...it's my **** weakness, Jack. They're so cute. They're so small. They're so adorable.

Jack Horner

Ah, Jesus...

Colonel James

I don't touch them, Jack! I don't touch them in any way! Now you think I'm an asshole. Now, I love you, Jack, you know that. Now, there's just one thing I wanna know. Are you gonna be my friend? Are you my friend, Jack?

Jack Horner

Alright. [puts the phone down and gets up to leave]

Amber Waves

What are you looking at?

Jack Horner

I'm looking at you.

Amber Waves

You're staring.

Jack Horner

You know what I'm staring at? I'm staring at the foxiest bitch in the whole world.