Joan Cusack movie quotes

View Quote Debbie Jellinsky: Would you die for me?
Uncle Fester: Yes.
Debbie Jellinsky: Promise?

View Quote Debbie Jellinsky: Hi, I'm Debbie Jellinsky from the agency.
Morticia: The agency? But they claimed no one else was available. They suggested a Doberman.

View Quote Debbie Jellinsky: Husband number two. The senator. He loved his state, he loved his country!
Grandmama: What about Debbie?
Debbie Jellinsky: "Sorry, Debbie, no Mercedes this year. We have to set an example." Oh yeah? Set this!
[The next slide shows the Senator, panicking as car headlights approach him]

View Quote [gazing around what used to be Emily's old house] This is where it all started. It's all changed.

View Quote I am done with this techno mumbo jumbo. No offense, but I'll be fine getting back on my own.

View Quote I'm sorry, Smarty. It's not you. I'm the one that's useless.

View Quote I should have seen this coming! It's Emily all over again!

View Quote Jessie: Buzz! We're your friends!
Buzz: Spare me your lies, temptress! Your emperor's defeated, and I'm immune to your bewitching good looks.

View Quote [Buzz is back to normal and no longer speaking Spanish]
Buzz: That wasn't me, was it?
Jessie: Oh, Buzz, you're back! You're back, you're back, you're back!
Buzz: [confused] Yes, I'm back. Where have I been?
Woody: Beyond infinity, space ranger.

View Quote [To Woody] YEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAA!! ITS YOU! ITS YOU! ITS REALLY YOU!!!!

View Quote You never forget kids like Emily or Andy... but they forget you.

View Quote Yee-hah! It's you! It's you! It's you, it's you, it's you! It's really you!

View Quote [Dewey starts lying to the parents about what he's been teaching their kids]
Dewey: Yeah, you know, uh, math, English... Uh... What else? Science... What else? Geography, history, Latin, Spanish, French, Latin, uh, math... Did I say that already? Anyway, you know, just all the stuff you want your kids to know, it's been covered, okay? So... it was great to meet you all, and, uh, [clicks tounge] drive safe.
Zack's Father: Excuse me. Ever since you started teaching here, all my son can talk about is music. He says when he grows up, he wants to be a musician. Is this your influence?
Summer's Mother: Yeah, what...? Mr. Schneebly, why has my daughter become obsessed with David Geffen?
Lawrence's Father: [holds up a copy of Yes's "Fragile"] And how is this homework?
Dewey: Okay, see, I would like to tell you about what we've been doing in here, but there's such a thing as teacher-student confidentiality, and I don't want to be in breach of educational law 'cause I could be dismembered by the teacher's union. So...
Zack's Father: You expect us to believe this garbage?
[Dewey looks out in the hallway and sees a cop]
Tomika: Mr. S, don't you think you should just tell them about the project?
Tomika's Mother: What project?
Lawrence: Our class project. Every school in the state is competing.
Lawrence's Father: Competing?
Summer: It's not till next quarter, but Mr. S wanted us to get a head start.
Summer's Mother: Well, what's the project, Summer?
[Dewey sees the cop talking with Patty]
Summer: It's prestigious. A win will go on our permanent record, Mom.
Summer's Mother: Oh.
Summer: You might as well tell 'em, Mr. Schneebly.
Dewey: Okay, look, I've gotten to know your kids over the past few weeks, and they are awesome. Zack is an insane guitarist. He's the next Hendrix, and he's 10 years old. And Gordon here, he's a genius! He did a whole professional light show on his computer in three days. And, um... [Ned looks at Dewey as the cop continues talking with Patty] And-and-and-and Marta here, she's-she's-she's... She can hit an A above high C. Did you know that? 'Cause that's tough. Not many singers can do that. And-and, uh... [Mullins and another cop get in on the conversation between Patty, Ned, and the first cop] Uh... Uh... Summer... Summer is gonna be the first woman President of the United States of America, and she could run later this year even, and I would vote for her. Look, you guys, they're just all really cool kids. And if they were mine, I would be so proud. And I am proud, just to even know them. And, um...
Cop: Sir, can I see you in the hall for a moment?
Dewey: Can I just...? Let me just say a couple more things.
Zack's Father: What's going on?
Summer's Mother: What's happening, Officer?
Cop: Apparently, that man is not Ned Schneebly.
Parents: What?
Cop: This man is Ned Schneebly.
Patty: Yeah, he's not even a teacher!
Dewey: You called the cops?!
Ned: [points to Patty] She did. She got it out of me. Sorry.
Patty: You're apologizing to him?!
Ned: Sorry.
Mullins: [to Dewey] Ned... [looks at the real Ned, then Dewey] Ned, is this true? Who are you?
Dewey: My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I'm not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I'm pretty sure I've touched them.
[The parents start murmuring in confusion; Dewey flees]

View Quote [Dewey is on the phone, trying to sell one of his guitars]
Dewey: Uh-huh. Yes. Yeah, it's a 1968 Gibson SG, mint condish. [pause] No. That's all? Well, that's a mistake. No, Hendrix played this guitar. [the person on the other end hangs up] Hello?!
[Dewey hangs up. The phone rings; Dewey answers it]
Dewey: Yeah?
Mullins: Is this Mr. Schneebly?
Dewey: No, he's not here.
Mullins: Oh, could you take a message for me?
Dewey: Um... Yeah.
Mullins: Hi, my name's Rosalie Mullins. I'm the principal here at Horace Green Prep, and we're having a little emergency here; one of our teachers broke her leg on the way to school this morning, and all of our subs are already working. Pat Wickam at Milton Prep recommended I give Mr. Schneebly a call. Do you know if he's available?
Dewey: Um... How long is the gig?
Mullins: Excuse me?
Dewey: Uh, how long is the job?
Mullins: My guess is as much as a few weeks, but we do need somebody to start immediately.
Dewey: Mmm-hmm. So how much are we talkin' here?
Mullins: We pay our substitutes 650 a week. Now, do you know when Mr. Schneebly will be back?
Dewey: Hold on a sec... Oh, you know what? I think he's just comin' in right about... Ned, phone! [pretends to pass the phone, then speaks in a deep voice] Hello, this is Ned Schneebly.

View Quote Freddy: I'm just saying, name two great chick drummers.
Katie: Sheila E? Meg White from The White Stripes?
Freddy: She can't drum!
Katie: She's a better drummer than you. At least she has rhythm.
Mullins: Freddy, where are your sleeves? And what have you done to your hair?
Freddy: It's called punk.
Mullins: Well, it's not school uniform. [pulls Freddy's sleeves back down]
Frankie: Miss Mullins, you're The Man.
Mullins: Thank you, Frankie.
[Frankie and some of the other students giggle behind her back.]

View Quote Martin: Why are you so interested in me going to my high school reunion?
Marcella: I just find it amusing that you came from somewhere.
Martin: Did you go to yours?
Marcella: Yes, I did. It was just as if everybody had swelled.

View Quote Marcella: Don't hang up! Wait! Did you read yesterday's offer?
Marty: Hold on a minute.
Marcella: It's in French. It's a Greenpeace boat. It'd be so easy.
Marty: No way! I have scruples.

View Quote [Martin's secretary has discovered that several enemies are in town]
Marcella: [on phone] Sir, I'm becoming concerned for your safety.
Martin: I have to go.
Marcella: Yeah, well, we all have to go sometime, sir, but we can choose when.
Martin: Nobody chooses when. [hangs up.]

View Quote Is everybody gay? Is this a Twilight Zone?

View Quote I need a heterosexual male, CODE RED!

View Quote Emily: I've seen all your movies.
Cameron: Both of them?

View Quote Jenny Portman: [as she examines the new apartment] I bet this is lead paint. Kids, no chewing on the window sills!
Helen Harris: Yeah, stick to the table legs like I taught you.

View Quote Jenny Portman: [Being kicked by her unborn child] Ooh, ooh! Sweetie, what did mommy say about kicking while she's having a conversation? You need to wait until she's finished. Thank you very much.
Helen Harris: Did you just boss around the unborn?
Jenny Portman: It's never too early to learn good manners.

View Quote Audrey Davis: [after Jenny bursts into the motel room she is in with BZ] Aunt Jenny? What are you doing here? How did you find...
Jenny Portman: You have ten seconds to get your things together and get in the car. [to BZ who has just come out of the bathroom] Stay. Ten...
Audrey Davis: You're not my mother, if you haven't noticed.
Jenny Portman: No. But I love you very much, and I will be your worst nightmare if you don't get in that car now. Seven, six...
BZ: But we're not ready to go yet.
Jenny Portman: Oh, you're not ready? Well... Well, are you ready for this? [Jenny who is pregnant motions to her stomach] I don't think so. Are you ready to be a parent? I don't think so. Four, three...
Audrey Davis: Are you happy? You've just ruined my entire life.
Jenny Portman: Well, we'll fix it later. Two... [to BZ] You.
BZ: Chill out, Mommy.
Jenny Portman: Hey.
BZ: It's all good.
Jenny Portman: Don't you talk to me like that.
BZ: It's just a prom.
Jenny Portman: You listen to me. If you ever so much as blink in her direction again, I can and will bury you so far in the ground that the heat from the earth's core will incinerate your sorry ass. Do you understand me?
"'BZ'": Yes, ma'am.
Jenny Portman: By the way, you're not a bad person, but this is very bad behavior. Very bad behavior.

View Quote [first lines] Whoa! It's raining cats and dogs out there!

View Quote Guys, listen, Bonnie had a great day in first grade. She even made a new friend in class.

View Quote No, no, she made a new friend. (pulls Knifey out of Bonnie's backpack to introduce her to Bonnie's toys) Come on out, it's okay.