Amanda
Hi, I'm Amanda Buckman. Why are you dressed like that?
Wednesday
Like what?
Amanda
Like you're going to a funeral. Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday
Wait.
Addams Family Values quotes
Page 1 of 7 Amanda
Wednesday
Amanda
Wednesday
Camp Children
[at Thanksgiving play, singing, dressed as Thanksgiving food]
Eat us! Hey, its Thanksgiving Day! Eat us, we make a nice buffet! We lost the race with Farmer Ed, eat us 'cause we're good and dead. White man or red man from east, north or south, chop off our legs, and put 'em in your mouth!
Pugsley
Eat me!
Camp Children
Sautéed or barbecued!
Pugsley
Eat me!
Camp Children
We once were pets but now we're food! We won't stay fresh for very long! So eat us before we finish this song! Eat us before we finish this song!
Debbie Jellinsky
[meeting Gomez]
Isn't he a lady-killer!
Gomez
[proudly]
Acquitted!
Debbie Jellinsky
[shouting at moving men]
These are beautiful things! They're from catalogues!
Debbie Jellinsky
[to Fester and Thing]
I'll get you - and your little hand, too!
Debbie Jellinsky
[to Pubert]
Hold still, you little brat!
Wednesday
He's not a brat.
Debbie Jellinsky
[whirling around, caught]
Of course not. He's an adorable little baby.
Wednesday
Fine. Rub it in!
Debbie Jellinsky
And I dreamed that when I met him that we would wait until our wedding night to give ourselves to one another, to make the ultimate sacrifice.
Uncle Fester
A goat?
Debbie Jellinsky
But with your looks, your charm... women must follow you everywhere!
Uncle Fester
Store detectives.
Debbie Jellinsky
FREEZE!
Uncle Fester
Pookie?
Debbie Jellinsky
I tried to make it look like an accident. I tried to give you some dignity. But oh no, not you.
Uncle Fester
What are you saying?
Debbie Jellinsky
I'm saying I want you dead and I want your money.
Uncle Fester
But... but... don't you love me?
Debbie Jellinsky
[throws head back and cackles loudly]
Uncle Fester
Is that a no?
Debbie Jellinsky
Good-bye everybody! Wish me luck!
The Addams Family
Good luck!
Debbie Jellinsky
Hi, I'm Debbie Jellinsky from the agency.
Morticia
The agency? But they claimed no one else was available. They suggested a Doberman.
Debbie Jellinsky
Husband number two. The senator. He loved his state, he loved his country!
Grandmama
What about Debbie?
Debbie Jellinsky
"Sorry, Debbie, no Mercedes this year. We have to set an example." Oh yeah? Set this!
[The next slide shows the Senator, panicking as car headlights approach him]
Debbie Jellinsky
I just can't tell, does he like me at all?
Morticia
Of course, he does. He vomited.
Debbie Jellinsky
That's true. Does he always do that with women he likes?
Morticia
Oh no. Just you.
Debbie Jellinsky
My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants.
Grandmama
What about your needs?
Debbie Jellinsky
"Sorry about dinner, Deb. The Pope has a cold."
Grandmama
[The next slide shows a shadow of an axe on the wall heading towards the Surgeon]
An axe! That takes me back.
Debbie Jellinsky
My latest husband, my late husband, Fester.
Uncle Fester
The fool.
Debbie Jellinsky
The corpse. And his adorable family. You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?
Gomez
Hands!
[The Addams family, all strapped into their electric chairs, are unable to raise their hands]