Wednesday
What are you in for?
Joel
I wouldn't go horseback riding.
Wednesday
That's all?
Joel
And I wouldn't make a bird house.
Wednesday
Why not?
Joel
I just wanted to read.
Gary
Not on my time, four-eyes! [laughs like a neighing horse]
Wednesday
Hurry up!
Pugsley
I'm coming.
Joel
Wait!
Wednesday
Who's there?
Joel
Be careful. Tetanus.
Amanda
There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Gary
Children, what do you think you're doing?
Wednesday
We have to see our family. It's very important.
Becky
More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
Gary
And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
Joel
I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Becky
Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine and archery and crafts?
Joel
Yes.
Amanda
I think they should be punished. [starts chanting] Punish!
Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish!
Becky
No! No! We are not here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Gary
Campers? Do you know what I think our little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
Joel
What?
Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.
Joel
Do you know what happens if my mother uses a fabric softener?
Wednesday
What?
Joel
I die.
Wednesday
Do you believe in the existence of evil?
Joel
Well, did you met my mom?
Wednesday
My uncle Fester's about to get married to this woman in a white uniform.
Joel
A radiologist.
Wednesday
A nanny.
Joel
Now, you have to get married.
Wednesday
It's not binding.
Tramp.
Joel
Look at this. I got 'em. "Schizos and Serial Killers". I have almost the whole series. I'm only missing Jack the Ripper and that Zodiac Guy.
Gary
Yes, indeedy, just the ticket: "Bambi."
Becky
"Lassie Come Home."
Gary
"The Little Mermaid."
Wednesday
Stop it!
Joel
He's only a child.
Joel
I'll never forget you.
Wednesday
You won't?
Joel
You're too weird. Cara mia.
Wednesday
Mon cher.
Joel
How do I look?
Wednesday
Disturbing.
Joel
Wednesday, do you think that maybe someday you might want to get married and have kids?
Wednesday
No.
Joel
But what if you met the right man, who worshipped and adored you? Who'd do anything for you? Who'd be your devoted slave? Then what would you do?
Wednesday
I'd pity him.
Joel
Poor Debbie. She was sick.
Wednesday
She wasn't sick. She was sloppy.
Joel
What do you mean?
Wednesday
If I wanted to kill my husband, I'd do it, and I wouldn't get caught.
Joel
How?
Wednesday
I'd scare him to death.
Joel
No, you wouldn't. [He kneels at Debbie's grave] We're all very sorry, Debbie. We wish you only the best. [He reaches out to put flowers on the grave. Suddenly, a hand reaches up and grabs him. He screams while Wednesday smiles]
