Gary Attention! Hey! Listen up, everybody! I'm Gary Granger!
And I'm Becky Martin-Granger!
Gary We're the owners and directors here at Camp Chippewa. America's foremost facility for privileged young adults.
And we're all here to learn, to grow, and to just plain have fun!
Gary 'Cause that's what being privileged is all about!
Gary Lifesaving! Now I know we're all top-notch little swimmers, but now we get to show our stuff and earn those certificates! Hey, how about our first little pair of lifesaving buddies? Amanda, Wednesday?
Is that your bathing suit?
Is that your overbite?
Gary Now, one of you will be the drowning victim and the other one gets to be our lifesaver.
I'll be the victim!
All your life.
Gary Mail call. [handing out mail] Addams!
Barclay, Cesselman, Calloway, Dexter, Donman, Edwards, Evans, Barclay, Finley, Fisher, Gingham, Ginley, Harper.
Oh, no.
What is it?
This is unspeakable.
Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?
This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester's getting married.
Gary A wedding? But that's great news!
To whom?
The nanny.
Get out of the cabin. I mean, I'd kill myself. The help?
I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
I think that's disgusting. I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're like, circus people.
Campers! Group hug!
Gary Wednesday... Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?
We don't hug.
Oh, they're just shy.
We're not shy.
We're contagious.
Gary I'm sensing some friction here. Somethin' not quite Chippewa.
Mm-hmm.
Gary But, hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut.
What are you in for?
I wouldn't go horseback riding.
That's all?
And I wouldn't make a bird house.
Why not?
I just wanted to read.
Gary Not on my time, four-eyes! [laughs like a neighing horse]
Hurry up!
I'm coming.
Wait!
Who's there?
Be careful. Tetanus.
There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Gary Children, what do you think you're doing?
We have to see our family. It's very important.
More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
Gary And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Yes.
I think they should be punished. [starts chanting] Punish!
No! No! We are not here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Gary Campers? Do you know what I think our little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
What?
Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.
"Dear Wednesday and Pugsley. I love you dearly, but I can never see you again."
Gary Glicker, go!
"When you are grown up and very lonely, you will understand. Love, Uncle Fester." He's a dead man.
Gary But aren't they extinct?
They are now.
I don't want to be in the pageant.
Gary Don't you want to help me realize my vision?
Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character, and the Aristotelian unities.
Gary Young lady, I am getting just a tad tired of your attitude problem.
Gary Yes, indeedy, just the ticket: "Bambi."
"Lassie Come Home."
Gary "The Little Mermaid."
Stop it!
Gary Children, stop it! You're destroying my text!
