Gomez
[to Thing]
Good show, old man.
Played by Raúl Juliá 
Addams Family Values (1993) · 103 quotes
Addams Family Values (1993) · 103 quotes
He has my father's eyes.
More lines from Gomez
6 quotes Gomez
Gomez
Are you in unbearable pain? Is it inhuman? My darling, is it torture?
Gomez
[rushing from the hospital room, bursting]
It's an Addams!
Gomez
Children, why do you hate the baby?
Gomez
[to Fester]
I despised you!
Gomez
[to Morticia]
Cara mia.
Scenes with Gomez
28 scenes Gomez
[to Thing, after arm-wrestling him]
Good show, old man.
Morticia
Gomez.
Gomez
Cara mia?
Morticia
Marvelous news. I'm going to have a baby. Right now.
Delivery Room Doctor
Nurse, how close are the contractions?
Delivery Nurse
Every 15 seconds, doctor.
Gomez
Are you in unbearable pain? Is it inhuman? My darling, is it torture?
Morticia
Oui.
Pugsley
It's a boy.
Wednesday
It's a girl.
Uncle Fester
Gomez!
Grandmama
What news?
Wednesday
Father, what is it?
Gomez
[rushing from the hospital room, bursting]
It's an Addams!
Morticia
[walking into Pubert's nursery]
Oh, Gomez. It's dark, it's depressing, it's desolate.
Gomez
It
Morticia
It's a dream.
Gomez
Come, cara mia.
Gomez
[about Pubert]
He has my father's eyes.
Morticia
Gomez, take those out of his mouth.
Wednesday
Pugsley, the baby weighs 10 pounds, the cannonball weighs 20 pounds. Which will hit the stone walkway first?
Pugsley
I'm still on fractions.
Wednesday
Which do you think?
Pugsley
The cannonball?
Wednesday
Very good. But which one will bounce?
Pugsley
The baby?
Wednesday
There's only one way to find out. Ready? 1... 2... 3...
Gomez
[She and Pugsly drop a cannonball from the roof. Gomez opening the window to enjoy the night air, and catching Pubert as he falls from the roof]
Cara mia!
Morticia
Oh, dear.
Lurch
[The cannonball lands on Lurch's head]
Grrrrr...
Gomez
Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley
We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday
Especially his head.
Morticia
Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you?
Wednesday
[in unison with Pugsley]
Yes.
Morticia
Do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children has to die?
Wednesday
[in unison with Pugsley]
Yes.
Grandmama
Well, that's just not true. [She sighs wistfully] Not anymore.
Uncle Fester
Oh, just sibling rivalry! Gomez, do you remember what we were like? I hated you!
Gomez
I despised you!
Uncle Fester
I choked him until he lost consciousness and had to be put on a respirator!
Gomez
I tied him to a tree and pulled out four of his permanent teeth!
Uncle Fester
When he was asleep, I opened his skull, and removed his brains!
Gomez
You did?
Uncle Fester
[laughs hysterically]
Ah, brother!
Gomez
Brother! [He flings Uncle Fester into the opposite wall, then grabs up about twenty knives conveniently lying on the table, flinging them all around Fester, with several right next to his head. Fester laughs hysterically through it all, although the last four are done with Gomez's back to him]
Uncle Fester
Children, you see?
Gomez
Cara mia.
Morticia
Mon cher. One house, three children, so many windows. I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just, I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.
Gomez
[to Fester]
You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges. I hope that someday you'll know the indescribable joy of having children, and of paying someone else to raise them.
Uncle Fester
[talking to Gomez about wanting a relationship with a woman]
I... I have needs!
Gomez
...There's Thing!
Uncle Fester
[Thing shudders] [referring to Thing relieving Fester's "desires"]
It's not the same thing, I want legs, a body... a head.
Gomez
TWO legs?
Debbie Jellinsky
[meeting Gomez]
Isn't he a lady-killer!
Gomez
[proudly]
Acquitted!
Morticia
[Thing hops on Debbie's shoulder]
Thing, stop that.
Gomez
He likes you.
Debbie Jellinsky
[Debbie sucks on Thing's index finger. He shudders and falls off]
I'm good with my hands.
Pugsley
[The Addams family are driving to Camp Chippewa]
What's a Chippewa?
Gomez
It's an old Indian word.
Wednesday
It means "orphan."
Gomez
[visibly disgusted]
Fresh air. The scent of pine. [He hands Pugsley a cigar]
Morticia
Wednesday, look at all of the other children, their freckles, their bright little eyes, their eager, friendly smiles. Help them.
Don Buckman
Our Amanda's already skipped two grades. How 'bout your boy?
Gomez
[beaming]
Probation!
Uncle Fester
[about Debbie]
She makes me think of... volatile chemicals.
Gomez
Truly, Fester? Has it finally happened at long last?
Uncle Fester
I don't know! I think so!
Uncle Fester
I'm making such a mess of things. Gomez! How do you do it? How can I be like you? How can I be... suave?
Gomez
Woo her. Admire her. Make her feel like she's the most sublime creature on Earth.
Gomez
Perfection achieved. We are the luckiest brothers on Earth. We are unworthy of such splendor, undeserving of such radiance.
Uncle Fester
Uh... that's right! We should have... ugly girls!
Uncle Fester
Gomez! Morticia! Great news! Something impossible... a miracle!
Gomez
The rash?
Morticia
It's gone?
Uncle Fester
I'm engaged!
Morticia
[Debbie shows them the ring]
That ring!
Gomez
It was our mother's. She was buried with it.
[Debbie holds up a shovel]
Gomez
[after the dancer in the cake doesn't pop out]
That poor girl. Lurch, was she in there before you baked? [as Lurch hangs his head] C'est la vie!
Gomez
[to his family]
To mirth, to merriment... to manslaughter.
Gomez
At his request, I would rip out my eyes. At his command, I would crawl on my belly through hot coals and broken glass.
Morticia
Why wait?
Morticia
So... you still desire me after all these years? The old ball and chain?
Gomez
Forever!
Morticia
I'll get them!
Gomez
[shouting]
I demand justice! Someone has married my brother!
Desk sergeant
[sarcastically]
No!
Gomez
She took him to Hawaii!
Desk sergeant
[cynically]
Get outta here!
Gomez
They have moved into a large, expensive home, where they make love constantly!
Desk sergeant
I hate when that happens.
Gomez
Arrest her at once, without delay!
Desk sergeant
Who?
Gomez
Debbie. My brother's wife, the temptress of Waikiki!
Desk sergeant
Who are you? What are you? Who moved the rock?
Gomez
Officer, you must issue a subpoena. I believe they own...
Morticia
Gomez, NO!
Gomez
[shouting]
A Buick!
Desk sergeant
Just leave, leave quietly, leave now. Don't make me call Ringling Brothers.
Gomez
[shouting]
Has the planet gone mad? My brother, passion's hostage. I seek justice - denied! I shall not submit! I shall conquer! I shall rise! My name is Gomez Addams, and I have seen evil! [as Grandmama waves Pubert in the air] I have seen horror! [as Lurch waves] I have seen the unholy maggots which feast in the dark recesses of the human soul!
Morticia
They're at camp.
Gomez
I have seen all this, officer. But until today, I had never seen... you!
Desk sergeant
Hook him, book him, cook him. Now!
Grandmama
Bingo! This kid knows somethings up, and unless Fester comes back, we're talking dimples.
Gomez
Not in this house!
Grandmama
He could stay this way for years! Forever! He could become... a lawyer.
Gomez
I won't listen!
Grandmama
An orthodontist!
Morticia
Mama! Stop!
Grandmama
President!
Gomez
[looking up above]
Please! I beg you! Take me! [He sobs openly]
Uncle Fester
It's me, Gomez! I've tried to be someone I'm not. I live in shame... and the suburbs!
Gomez
But you belong to Debbie! You're Debbie's love toy! You are Mr. Debbie!
Uncle Fester
I am an Addams!
Gomez
Fester!
[They embrace]
Debbie Jellinsky
[Debbie has the entire Addams family, plus Lurch and Thing, all rigged to electric chairs]
I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides. [showing slide pictures] My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or were they? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday. [the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift] I was 10, and do you know what they got me? Malibu Barbie.
Morticia
Malibu Barbie.
Gomez
The nightmare.
Morticia and Gomez
The nerve.
Debbie Jellinsky
[flicking to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum]
That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. I was a ballerina, graceful, delicate! They had to go.
[The next slide shot shows a burning house]
Debbie Jellinsky
My latest husband, my late husband, Fester.
Uncle Fester
The fool.
Debbie Jellinsky
The corpse. And his adorable family. You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?
Gomez
Hands!
[The Addams family, all strapped into their electric chairs, are unable to raise their hands]
Morticia
Adieu, mon cher.
Gomez
Adios, cara mia.
