Addams Family Values (1993) · 103 quotes
6th most-quoted character in Addams Family Values (1993): in 11 of its 103 quotes
Most scenes with: Wednesday (9), Gomez (4), Morticia (3)
And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley Our parents are having a baby, too.
They had sex.
Pugsley It's a boy.
It's a girl.
Gomez!
What news?
Father, what is it?
Pugsley, the baby weighs 10 pounds, the cannonball weighs 20 pounds. Which will hit the stone walkway first?
Pugsley I'm still on fractions.
Which do you think?
Pugsley The cannonball?
Very good. But which one will bounce?
Pugsley The baby?
There's only one way to find out. Ready? 1... 2... 3...
Cara mia!
Oh, dear.
Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Especially his head.
Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you?
Do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children has to die?
Well, that's just not true. [She sighs wistfully] Not anymore.
Oh, just sibling rivalry! Gomez, do you remember what we were like? I hated you!
I despised you!
I choked him until he lost consciousness and had to be put on a respirator!
I tied him to a tree and pulled out four of his permanent teeth!
When he was asleep, I opened his skull, and removed his brains!
You did?
Brother! [He flings Uncle Fester into the opposite wall, then grabs up about twenty knives conveniently lying on the table, flinging them all around Fester, with several right next to his head. Fester laughs hysterically through it all, although the last four are done with Gomez's back to him]
Children, you see?
Death! Death to the enemies of the people of the Republic. [Pugsley releases the guillotine and chops a watermelon in half] Hurrah! Justice is served. Bring forward the evil one. [Pugsley brings over Pubert, who is in a white dress and bonnet] You have betrayed the people of France. You are evil incarnate. How do you plead?
Pugsley Guilty!
Guilty! By her own admission! The sentence is death. Executioner, place her on the block. [Pugsley lays Pubert down in the guillotine] 1... 2...
Playing! [solo] ...3! [She releases the guillotine. Pubert catches the blade in his fingers] Woe to the Republic.
Pugsley What's a Chippewa?
It's an old Indian word.
It means "orphan."
Barclay, Cesselman, Calloway, Dexter, Donman, Edwards, Evans, Barclay, Finley, Fisher, Gingham, Ginley, Harper.
Oh, no.
Pugsley What is it?
This is unspeakable.
Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?
This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester's getting married.
A wedding? But that's great news!
To whom?
The nanny.
Get out of the cabin. I mean, I'd kill myself. The help?
I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
I think that's disgusting. I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're like, circus people.
Pugsley What did you say?
Campers! Group hug!
Wednesday... Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?
We don't hug.
Oh, they're just shy.
Pugsley We're not shy.
We're contagious.
I'm sensing some friction here. Somethin' not quite Chippewa.
Mm-hmm.
But, hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut.
Hurry up!
Pugsley I'm coming.
Wait!
Who's there?
Be careful. Tetanus.
There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Children, what do you think you're doing?
We have to see our family. It's very important.
More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Yes.
I think they should be punished. [starts chanting] Punish!
No! No! We are not here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Campers? Do you know what I think our little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
What?
Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.
Eat us! Hey, its Thanksgiving Day! Eat us, we make a nice buffet! We lost the race with Farmer Ed, eat us 'cause we're good and dead. White man or red man from east, north or south, chop off our legs, and put 'em in your mouth!
Pugsley Eat me!
Sautéed or barbecued!
Pugsley Eat me!
We once were pets but now we're food! We won't stay fresh for very long! So eat us before we finish this song! Eat us before we finish this song!
Pugsley I am a turkey. Kill me.
A birthday party! What a treat! And to think, I might have missed all this! What was I thinking of?
Physical pleasure.
Ooohhh!
Pugsley Uncle Fester, do you miss Debbie?
Well... sometimes, late at night, I remember how she used to turn to me and say, "Jeez, Fester, go back to your room!"
