It's a boy.
It's a girl.
Uncle Fester Gomez!
What news?
Father, what is it?
5th most-quoted character in Addams Family Values (1993): in 19 of its 103 quotes
Most scenes with: Gomez (9), Debbie Jellinsky (9), Wednesday (3)
Scenes with Uncle Fester
19 scenes Uncle Fester 
Children, why do you hate the baby?
We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Especially his head.
Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you?
Do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children has to die?
Well, that's just not true. [She sighs wistfully] Not anymore.
Uncle Fester Oh, just sibling rivalry! Gomez, do you remember what we were like? I hated you!
I despised you!
Uncle Fester I choked him until he lost consciousness and had to be put on a respirator!
I tied him to a tree and pulled out four of his permanent teeth!
Uncle Fester When he was asleep, I opened his skull, and removed his brains!
You did?
Uncle Fester [laughs hysterically]
Ah, brother!
Brother! [He flings Uncle Fester into the opposite wall, then grabs up about twenty knives conveniently lying on the table, flinging them all around Fester, with several right next to his head. Fester laughs hysterically through it all, although the last four are done with Gomez's back to him]
Uncle Fester Children, you see?
[to Fester]
You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges. I hope that someday you'll know the indescribable joy of having children, and of paying someone else to raise them.
Uncle Fester [talking to Gomez about wanting a relationship with a woman]
I... I have needs!
...There's Thing!
Uncle Fester [Thing shudders] [referring to Thing relieving Fester's "desires"]
It's not the same thing, I want legs, a body... a head.
TWO legs?
Uncle Fester [about Debbie]
She makes me think of... volatile chemicals.
Truly, Fester? Has it finally happened at long last?
Uncle Fester I don't know! I think so!
You know, when I first saw him, I thought he was from Europe.
Uncle Fester You did?
It's true.
Uncle Fester But I took a bath!
Uncle Fester I'm making such a mess of things. Gomez! How do you do it? How can I be like you? How can I be... suave?
Woo her. Admire her. Make her feel like she's the most sublime creature on Earth.
Perfection achieved. We are the luckiest brothers on Earth. We are unworthy of such splendor, undeserving of such radiance.
Uncle Fester Uh... that's right! We should have... ugly girls!
But with your looks, your charm... women must follow you everywhere!
Uncle Fester Store detectives.
And I dreamed that when I met him that we would wait until our wedding night to give ourselves to one another, to make the ultimate sacrifice.
Uncle Fester A goat?
Uncle Fester Gomez! Morticia! Great news! Something impossible... a miracle!
The rash?
It's gone?
Uncle Fester I'm engaged!
It was our mother's. She was buried with it.
[Debbie holds up a shovel]
Uncle Fester [as they are getting married, Fester tearfully recites his vows]
I, Fester Addams, do hereby declare my un-ending love. [sobbing] I will worship you forever. I will devote my every waking moment to your happiness alone. [openly sobbing] Henceforth, I am your eternal and helpless slave.
Would you die for me?
Uncle Fester Yes.
Promise?
[after Fester walks off the plane with leis around his neck, he approaches Debbie]
Fester?
Uncle Fester Uh-huh?
We may be together for a while.
Uncle Fester All our lives, cara mia!
What?
Uncle Fester Mon cher.
Speak English!
Uncle Fester Pumpkin?
And if I have to be seen with you, we need to make some changes.
Uncle Fester Changes?
Uncle Fester I'm her husband.
Fester!
Uncle Fester Gimme a kiss.
Gimme a 20.
FREEZE!
Uncle Fester Pookie?
I tried to make it look like an accident. I tried to give you some dignity. But oh no, not you.
Uncle Fester What are you saying?
I'm saying I want you dead and I want your money.
Uncle Fester But... but... don't you love me?
[throws head back and cackles loudly]
Uncle Fester Is that a no?
Uncle Fester It's me, Gomez! I've tried to be someone I'm not. I live in shame... and the suburbs!
But you belong to Debbie! You're Debbie's love toy! You are Mr. Debbie!
Uncle Fester I am an Addams!
Fester!
[They embrace]
My latest husband, my late husband, Fester.
Uncle Fester The fool.
The corpse. And his adorable family. You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?
Hands!
[The Addams family, all strapped into their electric chairs, are unable to raise their hands]
Uncle Fester [walking down the hallway, arms full of presents]
A birthday party! What a treat! And to think, I might have missed all this! What was I thinking of?
Physical pleasure.
Uncle Fester Ooohhh!
Uncle Fester, do you miss Debbie?
Uncle Fester Well... sometimes, late at night, I remember how she used to turn to me and say, "Jeez, Fester, go back to your room!"
Uncle Fester Dementia! What a beautiful name!
Dementia
It means "insanity."
Uncle Fester My name is Fester. It means "to rot."
