Hey, Barabbas.
Bernard Bernard!
Bernard. Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?
Scenes with Bernard
5 scenes Bernard Bernard The Santa Clause: In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design.
What does that mean?
Bernard Means you put on the suit, you're the Big Guy.
I didn't put on a suit to...
Bernard [lividly]
Try to understand this!
Elves
Ooh...
Bernard [calmly]
Let me explain something to you, okay? Toys have to be delivered. I'm not gonna do it. It's not my job. I'm just an elf. It's Santa's job, but Santa fell off the roof. Your roof. You read the card. You put on the suit. That clearly falls under the Santa Clause, so now you're Santa. Okay?
Bernard You put the "P" in the nice kids and a "C" in the naughty kids.
"P" and "C"?
Yeah. P is for presents and C is for coals. Right, Bernard?
Bernard Right, sport.
Why not? What if I don't buy in to this Santa Clause thing? What if I choose not to believe it?
Bernard [dead silence falls over the workshop]
Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You wouldn't want to be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas now would you,... Santa?
Bernard Look, you put the "P" next to the kids who are nice, and a "C" next to the naughty ones.
"P" and "C"?
Yeah. "P" for present, "C" for coal. Right, Bernard?
Bernard Right.
Wait a minute, how do I know who's good and bad?
Bernard You'll know.
What if I don't wanna do this?
Bernard [in a stern tone]
Don't even kid about a thing like that!
Why not? What if I don't buy in to this Santa Clause thing? What if I choose not to believe it?
Bernard [Dead silence falls over the workshop]
Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You wouldn't wanna be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas now, would you... Santa?
