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The Santa Clause

The Santa Clause quotes

7 total quotes



View Quote Bernard: The Santa Clause: In putting on the suit and entering the sleigh, the wearer waives any and all rights to any previous identity, real or implied, and fully accepts the duties and responsibilities of Santa Claus in perpetuity until such time that wearer becomes unable to do so by either accident or design.
Scott: What does that mean?
Bernard: Means you put on the suit, you're the Big Guy.
Scott: I didn't put on a suit to...
Bernard: [lividly] Try to understand this!
Elves: Ooh...
Bernard: [calmly] Let me explain something to you, okay? Toys have to be delivered. I'm not gonna do it. It's not my job. I'm just an elf. It's Santa's job, but Santa fell off the roof. Your roof. You read the card. You put on the suit. That clearly falls under the Santa Clause, so now you're Santa. Okay?
View Quote Bernard: You put the "P" in the nice kids and a "C" in the naughty kids.
Scott: "P" and "C"?
Charlie: Yeah. P is for presents and C is for coals. Right, Bernard?
Bernard: Right, sport.
View Quote Charlie: Neil doesn't believe in Santa.
Scott: Well, Neil's head comes to a point.
Charlie: He's smart. He's a doctor.
Scott: He's not a doctor; he's a psychiatrist.
View Quote Charlie: You know, Neil's a real good cook.
Scott: Yeah, and you should see him walk on water.
Charlie: You don't like him very much, do you, Dad?
Scott: Charlie, yeah, I was joking. Okay? I'm sorry. Just kidding around. I like him a... Yeah, sure I like him. You know, there... there's something about him that makes me wanna...
Charlie: Lash out irrationally.
Scott: Where did you hear that?
Charlie: From Neil. I learn a lot from him; he listens to me.
Scott: Yeah, and he charges you for it.
View Quote Laura: All Neil told him was that Santa was more of a feeling. More of a state of mind than an actual person.
Scott: Kind of like Neil. And who gave you permission to tell Charlie there is no Santa Claus?!
View Quote Scott: Hey, Barabbas.
Bernard: Bernard!
Scott: Bernard. Can we take a direct flight back to reality, or do we have to change planes in Denver?
View Quote Scott: Why not? What if I don't buy in to this Santa Clause thing? What if I choose not to believe it?
[dead silence falls over the workshop]
Bernard: Then there would be millions of disappointed children around the world. You see, children hold the spirit of Christmas within their hearts. You wouldn't want to be responsible for killing the spirit of Christmas now would you,... Santa?