Danny DeVito movie quotes
118 quotes from 17 movies
Batman Returns (1992) as The Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot
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[about his parents] I just want to know... why they did what they felt they had to do... to a child who was born... a little different. A child... who spent his first Christmas - and many since - in a sewer...
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[to a crowd of voters] I may have saved the mayor's baby, but I refuse to save a mayor who stood by, helpless AS a baby, while Gotham City was ravaged by a disease that turned eagle-scouts into crazed clowns and happy homemakers into catwomen!
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[fighting Batman] You're just jealous 'cause I'm a genuine freak, and you have to wear a mask!
Matilda (1996) as Narrator
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[We start with a close-up of a baby girl's face as the camera then pulls back from her. She's in a nursery room in a hospital]
Narrator: [first lines] Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers or bakers or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making a Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse. [a nurse picks up the baby girl and shows her to a man, who grumbles and walks off] Most parents believe that their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. Others take a less emotional approach.
[Outside, adults look at their newborns. The man, Harry Wormwood, walks beside his wife, Zinnia Wormwood]
Harry: What a waste of time.
Zinnia: And painful.
Harry: And expensive! $9.25 for a bar of soap?
Zinnia: Well, I had to take a shower, Harry.
Harry: $5,000?! I'm not paying it! What are they gonna do, repossess the kid? [puts the baby girl in the back of his car. Looking back at her, a boy named Michael Wormwood, Harry and Zinna's son, waves a toy, making her anxious. Harry jerks the car forward, causing the baby girl to slide. He hits the gas pedal, causing the baby girl to slide back] There's no way out.
Zinnia: Make a U-turn. [as Harry makes different turns in every direction, the baby girl looks dizzy] Harry!
Harry: All right.
[The car speeds over speedbumps]
Zinnia: [voice vibrating] Harry!
[Later, in a neighborhood]
Boy: The Wormwood guy is back!
Narrator: Harry and Zinnia Wormwood lived in a very nice neighborhood, in a very nice house. But they were not really very nice people.
[The Wormwoods arrive at their home]
Harry: Get outta the street, ya little dodos!
[As the family enter the house, the baby girl is still in the car]
Narrator: The Wormwoods were so wrapped up in their own silly lives that they barely noticed that they had a daughter. Had they paid attention to her at all they'd have realized she was a rather extraordinary child.
[The baby girl is sitting on the night bar]
Zinnia: Oh, my gosh, Matilda, now look what you did!
Narrator: They named her Matilda.
[As Matilda writes her name on green baby food, Zinnia wipes it off]
Zinnia: You're supposed to eat the spinach. Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! [picks her up and puts her in the sink] Babies. You're better off raising tomatoes!
[Matilda, now older, wipes her face with a rag]
Narrator: By the time she was 2 years old, Matilda had learned what most people learn in their early 30s: How to take care of herself. [Now 4 years old, Matilda gets dressed] As time went by, she developed a sense of style. Every morning, Matilda's older brother, Michael, went to school.
Michael: Bye, Mom!
Zinnia: Get outta here.
Narrator: Her father went to work, selling used cars for unfair prices.
Zinnia: Make money.
Narrator: And her mother took off to play Bingo.
Zinnia: Soup's on the stove. Heat it up if you get hungry.
[As each of the Wormwoods leave, Matilda watches]
Narrator: Matilda was left alone. That was how she liked it.
[As the background song "Send Me on My Way" by Rusted Root plays, she then turns to the can of soup and throws it away. Later, she cracks some eggs into a bowl, places some flour in and mixes them all together with a hand mixer. Next, she pours the mixture into pancake sizes on a pan on the stove. Once the sides of the pancakes are cooked, she flips them over. Later, she flips them out of the pan where they land on a plate. She lifts the plate up, places a flower in a small vase and begins to eat her nicely cooked pancakes whilst reading some magazines.]
Narrator: By the time she was four, Matilda had read every magazine in the house. [The scene changes to the living room where the family are watching TV, Matilda walks up to her father] One night she got up her courage and asked her father for something she desperately wanted.
Harry: A book? What do you want a book for?
Matilda: To read.
Harry: To read? Why would you wanna read when you got the television set sittin’ right in front of ya? There's nothin’ you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.
[Michael, who is struggling to watch the TV because his sister is in his view, leans and drags her out of his view.]
Michael: Get out of the way!
[Matilda watches with displeasure as her family is not going to listen. Harry briefly belches.]
Narrator: Matilda already knew that she was somewhat different from her family. She saw that whatever she needed in this world, she'd have to get herself.
[The scene changes where Matilda watches her family leave the house that morning.]
Harry: Bye!
Zinnia: Ciao! [to Matilda] There's fish fingers in the microwave. [leaves]
Narrator: [first lines] Everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers or bakers or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making a Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse. [a nurse picks up the baby girl and shows her to a man, who grumbles and walks off] Most parents believe that their children are the most beautiful creatures ever to grace the planet. Others take a less emotional approach.
[Outside, adults look at their newborns. The man, Harry Wormwood, walks beside his wife, Zinnia Wormwood]
Harry: What a waste of time.
Zinnia: And painful.
Harry: And expensive! $9.25 for a bar of soap?
Zinnia: Well, I had to take a shower, Harry.
Harry: $5,000?! I'm not paying it! What are they gonna do, repossess the kid? [puts the baby girl in the back of his car. Looking back at her, a boy named Michael Wormwood, Harry and Zinna's son, waves a toy, making her anxious. Harry jerks the car forward, causing the baby girl to slide. He hits the gas pedal, causing the baby girl to slide back] There's no way out.
Zinnia: Make a U-turn. [as Harry makes different turns in every direction, the baby girl looks dizzy] Harry!
Harry: All right.
[The car speeds over speedbumps]
Zinnia: [voice vibrating] Harry!
[Later, in a neighborhood]
Boy: The Wormwood guy is back!
Narrator: Harry and Zinnia Wormwood lived in a very nice neighborhood, in a very nice house. But they were not really very nice people.
[The Wormwoods arrive at their home]
Harry: Get outta the street, ya little dodos!
[As the family enter the house, the baby girl is still in the car]
Narrator: The Wormwoods were so wrapped up in their own silly lives that they barely noticed that they had a daughter. Had they paid attention to her at all they'd have realized she was a rather extraordinary child.
[The baby girl is sitting on the night bar]
Zinnia: Oh, my gosh, Matilda, now look what you did!
Narrator: They named her Matilda.
[As Matilda writes her name on green baby food, Zinnia wipes it off]
Zinnia: You're supposed to eat the spinach. Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! [picks her up and puts her in the sink] Babies. You're better off raising tomatoes!
[Matilda, now older, wipes her face with a rag]
Narrator: By the time she was 2 years old, Matilda had learned what most people learn in their early 30s: How to take care of herself. [Now 4 years old, Matilda gets dressed] As time went by, she developed a sense of style. Every morning, Matilda's older brother, Michael, went to school.
Michael: Bye, Mom!
Zinnia: Get outta here.
Narrator: Her father went to work, selling used cars for unfair prices.
Zinnia: Make money.
Narrator: And her mother took off to play Bingo.
Zinnia: Soup's on the stove. Heat it up if you get hungry.
[As each of the Wormwoods leave, Matilda watches]
Narrator: Matilda was left alone. That was how she liked it.
[As the background song "Send Me on My Way" by Rusted Root plays, she then turns to the can of soup and throws it away. Later, she cracks some eggs into a bowl, places some flour in and mixes them all together with a hand mixer. Next, she pours the mixture into pancake sizes on a pan on the stove. Once the sides of the pancakes are cooked, she flips them over. Later, she flips them out of the pan where they land on a plate. She lifts the plate up, places a flower in a small vase and begins to eat her nicely cooked pancakes whilst reading some magazines.]
Narrator: By the time she was four, Matilda had read every magazine in the house. [The scene changes to the living room where the family are watching TV, Matilda walks up to her father] One night she got up her courage and asked her father for something she desperately wanted.
Harry: A book? What do you want a book for?
Matilda: To read.
Harry: To read? Why would you wanna read when you got the television set sittin’ right in front of ya? There's nothin’ you can get from a book that you can't get from a television faster.
[Michael, who is struggling to watch the TV because his sister is in his view, leans and drags her out of his view.]
Michael: Get out of the way!
[Matilda watches with displeasure as her family is not going to listen. Harry briefly belches.]
Narrator: Matilda already knew that she was somewhat different from her family. She saw that whatever she needed in this world, she'd have to get herself.
[The scene changes where Matilda watches her family leave the house that morning.]
Harry: Bye!
Zinnia: Ciao! [to Matilda] There's fish fingers in the microwave. [leaves]
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Narrator: The next morning, after her parents left, Matilda set off in search of a book.
Matilda: Where's are the children's books, please?
Mrs. Phelps: In that room right over there. Would you like me to pick you out one with lots of pictures in it?
Matilda: No, thank you. I'm sure I can manage.
[She walks to the room as Mrs. Phelps looks on with surprise. Matilda arrives in the children's books section and picks a book, before she sits on a small comfy chair and starts to read it. The next day shows Matilda walking to the traffic lights, where they turned green to allow pedestrians to cross the road. She walks to the library and reads another book.]
Narrator: From then on, every day, as soon as her mother went to bingo, Matilda walked the ten blocks to the library, and devoured one book after another. [She giggles upon reading, as Mrs. Phelps hears her whilst working. Matilda places some books on a table, before she puts them back.] When she finished all the children's books, she started wandering around in search of something else. Mrs. Phelps, who had been watching her with fascination for the past few weeks, offered Matilda some valuable library information.
[Mrs. Phelps watches Matilda looking around the library and decides to talk to her. The next scene shows them talking in another section of the library.]
Mrs. Phelps: You know, you can have your very own library card, and then you could take books home, and you wouldn't have to walk here every day. You can take home as many as you'd like.
Matilda: That would be wonderful.
[The next scene shows Matilda carrying a number of books in her pull wagon. The shot fades to show that different books are placed in the wagon.]
Narrator: So, Matilda's strong, young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world, like ships onto the sea. [As the 4-year-old Matilda walks in the park with her wagon, the shot fades to the 6-year-old Matilda still walking in the park.] These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message; you are not alone.
[She watches some children playing in a playground before she sits under a tree and reads her book. The scene changes where Matilda is reading "Ivanhoe" in her bedroom as Harry opens the door.]
Harry: Any packages come today?
Matilda: Mm-mm.
Harry: [about the books] Where'd all this come from?
Matilda: The library.
Harry: The library?! You've never set foot in the library, you're only four years old!
Matilda: I'm six and a half.
Harry: You're four!
Matilda: Six and a half.
Harry: If you were six and a half, you'd be in school already!
Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.
Harry: [grabs his daughter's arm and drags her out of her bedroom] Get up! Get up! Get out here. Give me that book. [takes his daughter's book and throws it on the ground aside, briefly catching his son's attention. Harry takes his daughter to their bedroom where his wife is applying peroxide in her hair] Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?
Zinnia: Four.
Matilda: I'm six and a half, Mommy.
Zinnia: Five, then.
Matilda: I was six in August.
Harry: You're a liar.
Matilda: I wanna go to school.
[Zinnia snickers]
Harry: [scoffs] School! It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? [applies his hair tonic into his hair] We can't leave valuable packages sitting on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.
[Matilda begins to look upset and turns to leave]
Zinnia: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.
Harry: Hm. Tell me about it.
[In the hallway:]
Michael: Hey, dipface! [throws some marshmallows at at Matilda, as she walks to her bedroom, ignoring his brother] Have a marshmallow. Have another marshmallow, dipface! Dipface!
[his sister goes to her room and closes the door]
[in her bedroom, some teardrops fall onto one of the pages in a book as Matilda is sobbing a bit. She hugs her doll]
Narrator: Sometimes Matilda longed for a friend, someone like the kind, courageous people in her books. [she closes the book and gazes at the front cover where it shows the illustration of Ivanhoe] It occurred to her that, like talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb, such people might exist only in storybooks. But Matilda was about to discover that she could be her own friend, [the next scene shows Harry joyfully running to the house, laughing] that she had a kind of strength that she wasn't even aware of.
Matilda: Where's are the children's books, please?
Mrs. Phelps: In that room right over there. Would you like me to pick you out one with lots of pictures in it?
Matilda: No, thank you. I'm sure I can manage.
[She walks to the room as Mrs. Phelps looks on with surprise. Matilda arrives in the children's books section and picks a book, before she sits on a small comfy chair and starts to read it. The next day shows Matilda walking to the traffic lights, where they turned green to allow pedestrians to cross the road. She walks to the library and reads another book.]
Narrator: From then on, every day, as soon as her mother went to bingo, Matilda walked the ten blocks to the library, and devoured one book after another. [She giggles upon reading, as Mrs. Phelps hears her whilst working. Matilda places some books on a table, before she puts them back.] When she finished all the children's books, she started wandering around in search of something else. Mrs. Phelps, who had been watching her with fascination for the past few weeks, offered Matilda some valuable library information.
[Mrs. Phelps watches Matilda looking around the library and decides to talk to her. The next scene shows them talking in another section of the library.]
Mrs. Phelps: You know, you can have your very own library card, and then you could take books home, and you wouldn't have to walk here every day. You can take home as many as you'd like.
Matilda: That would be wonderful.
[The next scene shows Matilda carrying a number of books in her pull wagon. The shot fades to show that different books are placed in the wagon.]
Narrator: So, Matilda's strong, young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world, like ships onto the sea. [As the 4-year-old Matilda walks in the park with her wagon, the shot fades to the 6-year-old Matilda still walking in the park.] These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message; you are not alone.
[She watches some children playing in a playground before she sits under a tree and reads her book. The scene changes where Matilda is reading "Ivanhoe" in her bedroom as Harry opens the door.]
Harry: Any packages come today?
Matilda: Mm-mm.
Harry: [about the books] Where'd all this come from?
Matilda: The library.
Harry: The library?! You've never set foot in the library, you're only four years old!
Matilda: I'm six and a half.
Harry: You're four!
Matilda: Six and a half.
Harry: If you were six and a half, you'd be in school already!
Matilda: I want to be in school. I told you I was supposed to start school in September. You wouldn't listen.
Harry: [grabs his daughter's arm and drags her out of her bedroom] Get up! Get up! Get out here. Give me that book. [takes his daughter's book and throws it on the ground aside, briefly catching his son's attention. Harry takes his daughter to their bedroom where his wife is applying peroxide in her hair] Dearest pie, how old is Matilda?
Zinnia: Four.
Matilda: I'm six and a half, Mommy.
Zinnia: Five, then.
Matilda: I was six in August.
Harry: You're a liar.
Matilda: I wanna go to school.
[Zinnia snickers]
Harry: [scoffs] School! It's out of the question. Who would be here to sign for the packages? [applies his hair tonic into his hair] We can't leave valuable packages sitting on the doorstep. Now go watch TV like a good kid.
[Matilda begins to look upset and turns to leave]
Zinnia: You know, sometimes I think there's something wrong with that girl.
Harry: Hm. Tell me about it.
[In the hallway:]
Michael: Hey, dipface! [throws some marshmallows at at Matilda, as she walks to her bedroom, ignoring his brother] Have a marshmallow. Have another marshmallow, dipface! Dipface!
[his sister goes to her room and closes the door]
[in her bedroom, some teardrops fall onto one of the pages in a book as Matilda is sobbing a bit. She hugs her doll]
Narrator: Sometimes Matilda longed for a friend, someone like the kind, courageous people in her books. [she closes the book and gazes at the front cover where it shows the illustration of Ivanhoe] It occurred to her that, like talking dragons and princesses with hair long enough to climb, such people might exist only in storybooks. But Matilda was about to discover that she could be her own friend, [the next scene shows Harry joyfully running to the house, laughing] that she had a kind of strength that she wasn't even aware of.
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Harry: [goes into the house, smiling] I'm great! I'm incredible! Michael, pencil and paper, in the kitchen.
Zinnia: Did we sell some cars today, honeydew?
Harry: Did we! [kisses his wife as his son grabs a notebook and a pencil]
Zinnia: [as she, her husband, and her son walk to the table where her daughter is reading her book] Does that mean I can get that new TV?
Harry: Yeah! Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. And it's time that you've learned the family business. Sit down, and write this down.
[Michael sits down and starts writing]
Harry: All right. The first car that your brilliant father sold cost $320. I sold it for $1,158. The second one costs $512. I sold it for $2,269!
Michael: Wait, Dad, you're going too fast.
Harry: Just write. The third cost $68. I sold it for $999! And the fourth cost $1,100. I sold it for 7,839 big American boffos!
Zinnia: Harry! :[kisses her husband]
Harry: What's my profit for the day?
Michael: Could you repeat the last one-?
Matilda: $10,265.
[Harry, Zinnia and Michael staring at her]
Matilda: Check it if you don't believe me.
Harry: [checks the paper with Zinnia and Michael] You're a little cheat, you saw the paper.
Matilda: From all the way over here?
Harry: [confused] Are you being smart with me? [angrily approaches Matilda and points his finger at her] If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're gonna be punished.
Matilda: Punished for being smart?
Harry: [angrily] For being a smart aleck! [leans down to her level] When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson.
Matilda: [confused] "Person"?
Harry: Get up! Get up! Go on! [pulls Matilda's ear, drags her to her room, and shuts the door]
Narrator: Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He meant to say, "When a child is bad". Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Only when they deserved it, of course.
Zinnia: Did we sell some cars today, honeydew?
Harry: Did we! [kisses his wife as his son grabs a notebook and a pencil]
Zinnia: [as she, her husband, and her son walk to the table where her daughter is reading her book] Does that mean I can get that new TV?
Harry: Yeah! Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. And it's time that you've learned the family business. Sit down, and write this down.
[Michael sits down and starts writing]
Harry: All right. The first car that your brilliant father sold cost $320. I sold it for $1,158. The second one costs $512. I sold it for $2,269!
Michael: Wait, Dad, you're going too fast.
Harry: Just write. The third cost $68. I sold it for $999! And the fourth cost $1,100. I sold it for 7,839 big American boffos!
Zinnia: Harry! :[kisses her husband]
Harry: What's my profit for the day?
Michael: Could you repeat the last one-?
Matilda: $10,265.
[Harry, Zinnia and Michael staring at her]
Matilda: Check it if you don't believe me.
Harry: [checks the paper with Zinnia and Michael] You're a little cheat, you saw the paper.
Matilda: From all the way over here?
Harry: [confused] Are you being smart with me? [angrily approaches Matilda and points his finger at her] If you're being smart with me, young lady, you're gonna be punished.
Matilda: Punished for being smart?
Harry: [angrily] For being a smart aleck! [leans down to her level] When a person is bad, that person has to be taught a lesson.
Matilda: [confused] "Person"?
Harry: Get up! Get up! Go on! [pulls Matilda's ear, drags her to her room, and shuts the door]
Narrator: Harry Wormwood had unintentionally given his daughter the first practical advice she could use. He meant to say, "When a child is bad". Instead he said, "When a person is bad", and thereby introduced a revolutionary idea: that children could punish their parents. Only when they deserved it, of course.
The Lorax (2012) as The Lorax
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[after seeing Pipsqueak take and eat a truffula fruit] Ugh, barbaloots.
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[To the Once-ler] A tree falls in the way it leans. Be careful which way you lean.
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Who taught you guys how to steal a bed?
Migration (2023) as Uncle Dan
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We're not gonna make it, are we? [Pam: Uncle Dan!] You can tell me, I don't mind! I'm a big boy! I'm a big duck!
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I don't like heights.
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[sighs] Wake me up when it's my turn to be eaten.
Twins (1988) as Vincent Benedict
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Julius Benedict: For the first time in my life, I'm... pissed off!
Vincent Benedict: [trying to hold Julius back] Julius, don't do this to me! I got a car to deliver! The last thing I need is a detour to the slammer!
Vincent Benedict: [trying to hold Julius back] Julius, don't do this to me! I got a car to deliver! The last thing I need is a detour to the slammer!
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Julius Benedict: My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.
Vincent Benedict: Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.
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Vincent Benedict: Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?
Julius Benedict: How can bullshit walk?
Heist (2001) as Bergman
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Save the bold moves for the brilliant players.
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Everyone needs money. That's why it's called "money".
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Are you ****in' with me? Are you ****IN' with me? Or are you done ****IN' with me?
Hercules (1997) as Philoctetes
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I trained all those would-be heroes. Odysseus, Perseus, Theseus. A lot of "yusses".
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One town, a million troubles. The one and only Thebes. The Big Olive itself. If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.
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[about Meg] She's a fraud!
Man on the Moon (1999) as George Shapiro
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I've been in this buisness for 20 years Andy, I've seen this...I KNOW this...if you pass up an oppourtunity like this one, I promise you...you will NEVER see another one like it again...EVER!
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You're insane...but you might also be brilliant.
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If I find out you're behind this I will KILL you, Zmuda.
Drowning Mona (2000) as Chief Wyatt Rash
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Chief Wyatt Rash: My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad."
Mona Dearly: Yeah? Well life handed me a whole pile of shit. What am I supposed to do with that?!
Phil Dearly: Make shit salad?
Mona Dearly: Yeah? Well life handed me a whole pile of shit. What am I supposed to do with that?!
Phil Dearly: Make shit salad?
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Bobby Kalzone: It's been different since Jeff killed Peaches.
Chief Wyatt Rash: Jeff killed Peaches? I thought it was the other way around.
Bobby Kalzone: Peaches killed Jeff?
Chief Wyatt Rash: No, I heard you killed Peaches.
Chief Wyatt Rash: Jeff killed Peaches? I thought it was the other way around.
Bobby Kalzone: Peaches killed Jeff?
Chief Wyatt Rash: No, I heard you killed Peaches.
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Chief Wyatt Rash: Tell me something Cubby, you notice anything odd lately?
Cubby: You mean other than the fact that no one seems to care about this woman's death?
Chief Wyatt Rash: Along those lines.
Cubby: Hell Wyatt, I've seen people more upset over losing change in a candy machine.
Cubby: You mean other than the fact that no one seems to care about this woman's death?
Chief Wyatt Rash: Along those lines.
Cubby: Hell Wyatt, I've seen people more upset over losing change in a candy machine.
Haunted Mansion (2023) as Bruce
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I've been dying to go to this place in 60 years!
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Eat up. Happy hour ends at six.
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I'm too old to die!
Look Who's Talking Now (1993) as Rocks
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Julie Ubriacco: Look! They like each other!
Daphne: Mongrel.
Rocks: Bitch.
James: [to Mollie] Look, honey, they like each other.
Daphne: Mongrel.
Rocks: Bitch.
James: [to Mollie] Look, honey, they like each other.
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Daphne: What's your name?
Rocks: They call me No.
Daphne: Silly, that's not your name. That's what they say when you're bad. There must be something else, what're they always calling you?
Rocks: Well, there is that rocks thing.
Daphne: Rocks, that's it!
Rocks: They call me No.
Daphne: Silly, that's not your name. That's what they say when you're bad. There must be something else, what're they always calling you?
Rocks: Well, there is that rocks thing.
Daphne: Rocks, that's it!
Mars Attacks! (1996) as Rude Gambler
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Hey! You're Tom Jones, right? "It ain't unusual"? Hey Tom, Tom! Can I have an autograph? Anyone got a pen?
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[To Byron] Hey! Hey, just because you're dressed like King Tut doesn't mean you're our leader!
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Byron Williams: Barbara, you all right?
Barbara Land: Huh? I need a drink...
Rude Gambler: You and me both, baby!
Barbara Land: Huh? I need a drink...
Rude Gambler: You and me both, baby!
Big Fish (2003) as Amos
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Amos: Tell me, Karl, have you ever heard the term “involuntary servitude?”
Karl: No.
Amos: Unconscionable contract?
Karl: Uh... Nope.
Amos: Great! Here you go.
Karl: No.
Amos: Unconscionable contract?
Karl: Uh... Nope.
Amos: Great! Here you go.
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Edward: I just saw the woman I'm going to marry, I know it. But I lost her.
Amos: Oh, Tough break. Well, most men have to get married before they lose their wives.
Edward: I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone.
Amos: Damn, Kid!
Amos: Oh, Tough break. Well, most men have to get married before they lose their wives.
Edward: I'm going to spend the rest of my life looking for her. That or die alone.
Amos: Damn, Kid!
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Amos: Forget it Kid. Don't waste your time. She's out of your league.
Edward: What do you mean? You don't even know me.
Amos: Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything except the clothes on your back... You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean, and you're drowning. Take my advice and go back to Puddleville. You'll be happy there.
Edward: What do you mean? You don't even know me.
Amos: Sure I do. You were hot shit back in Hickville, but here in the real world, you got squat. You don't have a plan. You don't have a job. You don't have anything except the clothes on your back... You were a big fish in a small pond, but this here is the ocean, and you're drowning. Take my advice and go back to Puddleville. You'll be happy there.
Dumbo (2019) as Max Medici
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[V.A. Vandevere: Is that a monkey in your desk?] Just for emergencies.
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Max Medici: We got a baby. We got a baby. [he sees Dumbo for the first time] What is that? A face only a mother could love.
Miss Atlantis: Sir, many of us find you handsome.
Max Medici: I was talking about the elephant!
Miss Atlantis: Sir, many of us find you handsome.
Max Medici: I was talking about the elephant!
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Max Medici: You have until tomorrow night to fix that!
Holt Farrier: Me?
Max Medici: Make those ears disappear!
[Holt looks over to the magician]
Magician: Don’t look at me.
Holt Farrier: Me?
Max Medici: Make those ears disappear!
[Holt looks over to the magician]
Magician: Don’t look at me.
Romancing the Stone (1984) as Ralph
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[to Jack] Oh, oh I'm the creep, huh? Well at least I'm honest: I'm stealing this stone. I'm not trying to romance it out from under her.
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Ira: Of all the things you could say to me right now, "I lost her," Ralph, is gonna get the most teeth broken in your mouth.
Ralph: Look, bullethead. If they're hiking through the jungle there's nothing I can do about it. I have a car. I am not Tarzan. I have been through every one-horse shithole for a two-hundred mile radius. You should have seen the river I had to traverse this morning. So don't give me any of your crap, you gutless wonder. You have been an embarrassment to our family ever since the day you were born! And let me tell you something else, Ira... [he turns and sees Joan and Jack getting out of a car] You are luckiest son of a bitch that ever walked the face of the earth! She's here!
Ira: She's there?!
Ralph: She's right here! She's walking towards the phone. She's with some guy. How do I know? She likes guys! So do you, maricon!
Ralph: Look, bullethead. If they're hiking through the jungle there's nothing I can do about it. I have a car. I am not Tarzan. I have been through every one-horse shithole for a two-hundred mile radius. You should have seen the river I had to traverse this morning. So don't give me any of your crap, you gutless wonder. You have been an embarrassment to our family ever since the day you were born! And let me tell you something else, Ira... [he turns and sees Joan and Jack getting out of a car] You are luckiest son of a bitch that ever walked the face of the earth! She's here!
Ira: She's there?!
Ralph: She's right here! She's walking towards the phone. She's with some guy. How do I know? She likes guys! So do you, maricon!
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Jack Colton: [Jack and Joan find the stone in a cave] Jesus Christ, we're in a lot of trouble.
Ralph: [surprising them, holding a gun] Understatement of the year, asshole.
Jack Colton: [to Joan] Is there anybody who isn't following you?
Ralph: Put the goods in the bag.
[Jack surrenders the stone]
Ralph: Now move it, before Batman comes home.
Ralph: [surprising them, holding a gun] Understatement of the year, asshole.
Jack Colton: [to Joan] Is there anybody who isn't following you?
Ralph: Put the goods in the bag.
[Jack surrenders the stone]
Ralph: Now move it, before Batman comes home.
The Rainmaker (1997) as Deck Shifflet
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You know what a Rainmaker is, kid? The bucks are gonna be falling from the sky.
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There's nothing more thrilling than nailing an insurance company.
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019) as Edward "Eddie" Gilpin
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You still talking to your friends?
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