They found him this morning...dead in the water, so to speak.
Jeff Dearly
Marcus Thomas · 7 quotes
Mona Dearly
Bette Midler · 6 quotes
Phil Dearly
William Fichtner · 6 quotes
Bobby Kalzone
5 quotes
Ellen Rash
Neve Campbell · 5 quotes
Bobby Calzone
Casey Affleck · 4 quotes
Chief Wyatt Rash
Danny DeVito · 4 quotes
Rona Mace
Jamie Lee Curtis · 4 quotes
Lt. Feege Gruber
Peter Dobson · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Bobby Kalzone & Ellen Rash (3), Jeff Dearly & Mona Dearly (2), Chief Wyatt Rash & Mona Dearly (2)
Drowning Mona quotes
Page 1 of 2Don't call yourselves BJ Landscaping. You don't want people to go around calling you "Blow Job Landscaping."
BUT WHY?!
Because I thought I was killing Jeff!
Bobby, my dad is the chief of police!
I know, but I wasn't gonna go through with it.
It doesn't matter; you killed someone!
I know, but I was doing it for us. Jeff was killing the business, and Mona wasn't gonna let me out of the partnership, so - Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A good idea at the time? 'Cut the grass at 6:00, lay sod at 7:00, DROWN THE DEARLYS AT 8:00'!
[after grabbing the golf club Mona is using to damage Bobby's Yugo]
God... this is. I mean, enough's enough. All I ever wanted was a nice professional business so that Ellie and I could have a...
[Cuts off Bobby and begins tapping his thumb and middle finger together]
Yeah, yeah, yeah... You know what this is? This is the world's smallest tambourine, and it's, and it's playing some sort of song or something.
Shut up! Shut up! That's a violin, you asshole! Give me that thing, give me that!
[Regarding the cost of boneless chicken for the wedding]
All right, uh, listen Murph, what's up with the whole chicken thing? You gonna help us out?
Murph Calzone
Bobby, look... if you want somebody to sit there and yank the bones out of a hundred chickens, it's gonna run ya money.
All right look, but, you're my--y' know, you're the best man at this wedding, Murph...
Murph Calzone
I'm not makin' any money on this weddin' as it is!
[High-pitched voice cracks]
... You know, you're my brother. Can't ya jist... do a brotherly deboning, or something?
Dude, she's like 13.
Finally!
It's been different since Jeff killed Peaches.
Jeff killed Peaches? I thought it was the other way around.
Peaches killed Jeff?
No, I heard you killed Peaches.
Mona Dearly's dead.
What?
She's dead- It was just a- car accident.
You gotta be kiddin' me. Well- We gotta celebrate!
Jesus, God, Ellie she's a human being. Have a little respect.
I don't gotta have respect for no one in that family. Think how they treated you.
How did they treat me?
Badly, they're a houseful of freaks.
My mother always used to say, "When life hands you potatoes, make potato salad."
Yeah? Well life handed me a whole pile of shit. What am I supposed to do with that?!
Make shit salad?
Tell me something Cubby, you notice anything odd lately?
Cubby You mean other than the fact that no one seems to care about this woman's death?
Along those lines.
Cubby Hell Wyatt, I've seen people more upset over losing change in a candy machine.
Deputy Tony Carlucci [to Phil Dearly, after informing him of his wife's death]
So, uh...you want to tell Jeff about his mom, or do you think we should do it, or...
Yeah! Uh...
Deputy Jimmy D I mean, we'd be more than happy to do it, Phil, you know, it's just that, coming from you it may cushion the blow.
Deputy Tony Carlucci Being that, you know, he's your son and all.
Well, in that case, it might be best if one of you did it.
Bobby! Sheesh I can't believe you killed somebody!
Home!
Yeah, but you're not even supposed to get that far, you're supposed to have that thing in your head that goes off and says, 'bad **** idea, Bobby!'
I have that thing! I have that thing. It just didn't go off.
What? You're pregnant? That's great!
Uh huh! I thought so too, till a moment ago. I can't believe you killed someone!
Home!
You're supposed to have that thing in your head that says, "BAD **** IDEA, BOBBY!"
I do have it! It just didn't work!