Julius Benedict
My name is Julius and I am your twin brother.
Vincent Benedict
Oh, obviously! The moment I sat down I thought I was looking into a mirror.
Played by Danny DeVito 
Twins (1988) · 14 quotes
Twins (1988) · 14 quotes
Scenes with Vincent Benedict
11 scenes Julius Benedict
Vincent Benedict
Vincent Benedict
Money talks and bullshit walks!
Julius Benedict
How can bullshit walk?
Julius Benedict
Why are you being so immature about all this?
Vincent Benedict
Look, Julius. Do you know how many times I've heard stories like this? It's every orphan's fantasy: "My real mom and dad were rich, and beautiful. But... there was a mix-up at the hospital. And I got switched with another baby. But one day, there's gonna be a knock at the door. And there they'll be, with open arms, crying, 'My darling. My treasure. We didn't know. How can we make it up to you?'" Let me tell you something for your own good, Julius. It's a CROCK!
Julius Benedict
I'm really worried about you, Vincent. How much money do you owe? Now don't lie to me. We're twins. I can feel your pain.
Vincent Benedict
Why do you keep saying that? We're not twins, were not brothers, we're nothing.
Julius Benedict
Twenty thousand?
Vincent Benedict
Due this morning. [gets in the car] Come on!
Julius Benedict
Now don't worry about anything, Vincent. As long as I'm with you, I won't let anyone harm you. Okay?
Vincent Benedict
[impressed with Julius's fighting abilities]
You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
Julius Benedict
No, I could never fight for money.
Vincent Benedict
Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.
Julius Benedict
Actually, I hate violence.
Vincent Benedict
But you're so good at it!
Julius Benedict
For the first time in my life, I'm... pissed off!
Vincent Benedict
[trying to hold Julius back]
Julius, don't do this to me! I got a car to deliver! The last thing I need is a detour to the slammer!
Vincent Benedict
Women love men who are mysterious and devious. It keeps them on their toes. It excites them. You know what I mean?
Julius Benedict
No.
Vincent Benedict
You do like women?
Julius Benedict
Oh, very much so. They're strange and sensitive. They have compassion. I have the highest respect for women.
Vincent Benedict
[turns around]
You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict
That's private.
Vincent Benedict
[to himself]
A 230-pound virgin.
Julius Benedict
Wait a minute. You forgot the third rule in a crisis situation.
Mr. Webster
What third rule?
Vincent Benedict
Third rule?
Julius Benedict
Yeah, third rule.
Vincent Benedict
[notices the crane above Webster]
Oooh! The third rule.
Mr. Webster
What's the third rule?
Julius Benedict, Vincent Benedict
Duck!
Vincent Benedict
[Vincent hits the crane switch which drops a pile of chains on Mr. Webster burying him]
Yo! Holy shmoly! Now there's a man with a lot on his mind.
Vincent Benedict
[points to a device in the lab]
This must, uh, be where you made the milkshake.
Mitchell Traven
We weren't making milkshakes. We were making the most fully developed human the world has ever seen.
Vincent Benedict
But instead of just one perfect kid, Mom had the two of us. [smiling] Way to go, Mom.
Mitchell Traven
Wrong. The embryo did split in two, but it didn't split equally. All the purity and strength went into Julius. All the crap that was left over went into what you see in the mirror every morning.
Vincent Benedict
Wow, wow, wow, you're telling me that I'm the crap?
Julius Benedict
This is not true, Vincent.
Vincent Benedict
Wait a minute, Julius. I wanna hear this. [to Traven] You're telling me that I am the left over crap? That I'm no good?
Julius Benedict
He's wrong.
Mitchell Traven
[points at Vincent]
Look at him.
Vincent Benedict
Are you saying that... I'm a side effect?
Mitchell Traven
You haven't got the brainpower to understand this, and I don't have the time. Show's over.
Vincent Benedict
My life just got flushed down the toilet.
Julius Benedict
No, Vincent.
Vincent Benedict
I'm genetic garbage.
Julius Benedict
We're twins. We're basically the same.
Vincent Benedict
Look, Julius, I don't know if you've noticed yet, but we don't look the same, we don't talk the same, and we don't dress the same!
Julius Benedict
I know.
Vincent Benedict
So if we're so alike, how come we're so goddamn different?
Julius Benedict
We had six fathers. We're many parts of a lot of different people.
Vincent Benedict
Yeah?
Julius Benedict
And don't forget, I was taken to a beautiful island, I was cared for, educated, looked after. You had nobody, Vincent. No one to love you, teach you, or encourage you. You see, Vincent, you're the missing part of my life. And I'm the missing part of your life. And when we find Mama, we can be the missing part of her life. We won't be alone anymore. We can be a family.
Vincent Benedict
A family?
Julius Benedict
Yes.
Vincent Benedict
You mean, like, with a Christmas tree... and Thanksgiving dinner?
Julius Benedict
And a real home, where you'll always be welcome.
Vincent Benedict
Always?
Julius Benedict
[smiles]
Even when you've been bad.
Julius Benedict
Axe, axe, axe, axe, axe!
Julius Benedict
[Morris Klane swings the axe at Julius]
You have no respect for logic.
Vincent Benedict
But he's got an axe!
Julius Benedict
[Klane charges Julius, who sidesteps his blow. The axe is embedded in the wall. As Julius grabs him]
And I have no respect for those who have no respect for logic.
Julius Benedict
[Julius picks Klane up with both hands and lifts him a foot up in the air]
You're a very stupid person.
Vincent Benedict
[Julius throws him into an open elevator] [to Klane as the elevator is about to close]
You tell your brother, he messes with ME, he messes with my whole family!
Other characters in Twins
More Danny DeVito characters
The Penguin/Oswald Cobblepot
Narrator
The Lorax
Uncle Dan
Bergman
George Shapiro
Philoctetes
Chief Wyatt Rash