Jack Colton What did you do, wake up this morning and say, "Today, I'm going to ruin a man's life"?
Most-quoted character in Romancing the Stone (1984): in 14 of its 21 quotes
Most scenes with: Joan Wilder (10)
One hell of a morning has turned into a bitch of a day!
More lines from Jack Colton
2 quotes Jack Colton Jack Colton Goddamn it, I knew I should've listened to my mother. I could've been a cosmetic surgeon, five hundred thou a year, up to my neck in tits and ass.
Scenes with Jack Colton
11 scenes
Excuse me, mister. Can you tell where can I get to a telephone?
Jack Colton No, lady. I don't have any idea. I'm sorry.
But it's very important that I get to one.
Jack Colton Well, we've all got our problems today. Don't we?
Can you tell me where the nearest town is?
Jack Colton English speaking? How about Miami?
Will there be another bus?
Jack Colton Another bus? This is it. [looks around a deserted, dirt mountain road] You've got rush hour.
I need to get to Cartagena.
Jack Colton Cartagena? Angel, you are hell and gone from Cartagena. Cartagena's over there on the coast.
But they told me this bus...
Jack Colton Who told you that? Who told you this bus was going to Cartagena?
That man...
Jack Colton That nice man who pulled a gun on you? What else did he tell you?
Jack Colton [Jack and Joan are being fired upon by Zolo and his men]
Cops! What the hell do they want? I haven't done anything... lately! Wait a minute, he's after you. Who the hell are you?
Well, I'm a romance novelist.
Jack Colton You're what? What are you doing here?
I told you, my sister's life depends on me.
Jack Colton Ah, don't give me that shit. I thought you were donating a kidney or something.
Jack Colton Now they're practical.
Jack Colton All this? About five to life in the States, a couple of centuries down here.
Oh, marijuana.
Jack Colton Oh, you smoke it?
What do you want? Seriously, I'd really like to know.
Jack Colton Came down here in a coffee boat, about a year and a half ago. Right. Christ, what job that was. But, I couldn't get over that ocean, though, you know. Yeah. I love the ocean. You know you just got to get out there - all by yourself - nobody else around. It's beautiful. So, that's what I want. Try to get enough money together to buy a boat and sail around the world.
So, you're just gonna sail away? All by yourself?
Jack Colton Yeah.
Sounds lonely, Jack T. Colton. Well, what does the "T" stand for?
Jack Colton Trustworthy.
Jack Colton I understand you have a car. We would like to buy it or rent it, we need to get to a town.
Juan
What do you call this I'm living in, a pigsty?
Jack Colton Oh, no this is great...
Juan
Hit the road.
Jack Colton No, senor, see we...
Juan
Hit-the-road.
Jack Colton But we...
Juan
[points a gun at him]
Vaya con dios, gringo.
Jack Colton [Jack and Joan back off and turn around, to find that all of Juan's men have pulled guns on them too]
Okay, Joan Wilder, write us out of this one.
Juan
Joan Wilder... Joan Wilder? The Joan Wilder?
Juan
[lowering gun, opening door and walking out]
You are Joan Wilder, the novelist?
Well, yes, I am.
Juan
I read your books! I read all your books! [turning to his men, in Spanish] This is Joan Wilder, who writes the books I read to you on Saturdays!
Bad Hombre
[awestruck]
Juanita... Juanita, it's Juanita!
[all the men put away their guns and wave enthusiastically]
Jack Colton [looking at a photo of his dream yacht whilst lying in bed with Joan]
Someday if I had the money, I'd take you... we'd sail away... around the world and back again. I promise you. I promise you we'll do that.
[they kiss and Joan holds Jack more tightly]
Why haven't you taken the map away from me?
Jack Colton What are you talking about?
I saw that tree today, the Devil's Fork, it's on the map. You know how close we are?
Jack Colton Yeah sure I do. What's that got to do with it?
I was thinking about something you said... about having more to bargain with.
Jack Colton Yeah. The best way to help your sister is to get that treasure and if you waltz into Cartagena you're holding all the cards.
I'd love to see you on that boat. But Jack if we have to give it up... to save Elaine?
Jack Colton Then we give it up. I mean it's your sister. Hell yeah. Of course we give it up. That's the point. At least we've got the leverage to do it.
OK. OK. Let's got for it.
[they kiss]
Jack Colton [Jack and Joan find the stone in a cave]
Jesus Christ, we're in a lot of trouble.
Jack Colton [to Joan]
Is there anybody who isn't following you?
Put the goods in the bag.
You're the best time I've ever had.
Jack Colton I've never been anybody's best time.
You're leaving? You're leaving me?
Jack Colton You're gonna be all right, Joan Wilder. [they kiss] You always were.
Jack Colton Yup, that poor old yellow-tailed guy... developed a fatal case of indigestion. He died right in my arms.
I can't blame him. If I were to die, there's nowhere on earth I'd rather be.
Jack Colton I couldn't stop thinking about you. I even read one of your books.
Then you know how they all end.
Jack Colton Yeah. Hi.
Hi.
[they kiss passionately]
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