Pedro
I been smoking since I was born, man, I can smoke anything, man. You know like I smoke that Michoacán, and Acapulco Gold, man. I even smoke that tied stick, you know?
"Tied stick?"
Pedro
Yeah, you know that stuff that's tied to a stick.
Ohh, THAI stick.
No, hey, man, if we're gonna wear uniforms, man, you know let's have everybody wear something different.
Pedro
Yea, that's it. Yea, we want something where everybody wears something different, man, but the same, you know?
So, how long you've been in Mexico?
Pedro
A week. I mean a day.
Well, which is it? A week or a day?
Pedro
A weekday.
Romeo Posar
Look, boss, I only got one rule. And that's never bet money that you don't have on a dog race with an ex-girlfriend who happens to be a stripper.
Romeo Posar
You're a head case. You always have been, always will be.
Romeo Posar
You won't listen to me, will you? Even when I'm trying to help you, man. After all these years you think I'm full of shit?
Tito
Ah! It's an alien!
Tito
Man, if this is torture, chain me to the wall!
Tito
I think she likes me, man!
Cheech
Man, hurry up, bitch. I got lots of shit to do. Shit. If that bitch doesn't hurry up and get here, I'll have to wait some more.
Cheech
Holy sheep shit! It's guitar heaven!
Cheech
Somebody ripped off the thing I ripped off!
Cheech
Ooh, Oaxaca. Ooh, sensi. How are you, my darling? Oh, God, your buds are getting so big. I have to get you a training bra. You got some lint in your belly button there. There you go. All right. Okay, you guys, be cool.
Chong
Hey, listen, there's a lot of smart dudes who do coke, man.
Cheech
Yeah? Like who?
Chong
Like, Sherlock Holmes does coke. And he isn't so stupid.
Cheech
Sherlock Holmes?
Chong
Hey, man, that dude looked kinda straight to be buying dope.
Cheech
Hey, man, don't worry about it. I checked him out myself, man. He ain't a cop. I can smell cops a mile away, man. They smell like coffee and doughnuts.
Shenzi
Well, well, well, Banzai, what have we got here?
Banzai
Mmm...I don't know, Shenzi. Uh, what do you think, Ed?
Banzai
Just what I was thinkin'. A trio of trespassers!
Zazu
And quite by accident, let me assure you. A simple navigational error.
Shenzi
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, wait, wait. I know you. You're Mufasa's little stooge.
Zazu
I, madam, am the king's Majordomo.
Banzai
And that would make you...
Future king!
Shenzi
Do you know what we do to kings who step out of their kingdom?
Puh. You can't do anything to me.
Zazu
Technically, they can. We are on their land.
But Zazu, you told me they're nothing but slobbering, mangy, stupid poachers!
Zazu
Ix-nay on the upid-stay...
Banzai
Who you callin' "upid-stay?!"
Zazu
My, my! Look at the sun, it's time to go!
Shenzi
What's the hurry? We'd love you to stick around for dinner.
Banzai
Yeah, we could have whatever's "lion" around!
Shenzi
Ohh, wait, wait, wait, I got one, I got one! Make mine a "cub" sandwich!
Shenzi
What, Ed? What is it?
Banzai
Hey, did we order this dinner to go?
Shenzi
No. Why?
Banzai
'Cause THERE IT GOES!!!
(they turn to see Simba, Nala and Zazu fleeing)
Banzai
Yeah, Be prepared. Yeah... we'll be prepared, heh. ...For what?
Scar
For the death of the king.
Banzai
What is he, sick?
Scar
No, fool - we're going to kill him. Simba too.
Shenzi
Great idea! Who needs a king?
No king! No king! La-la-la-la-la!
Scar
Idiots! There will be a king!
Banzai
Hey, but you said, uh...
Scar
I will be king! ...Stick with me (triumphant, toothy grin), and you'll never go hungry again!
Yay! All right! Long live the king!
Long live the King! Long live the King!
Banzai
We got a bone to pick with you!
Shenzi
I'll handle this. (to Scar) Scar, there's no food and no water--
Banzai
Yeah, it's dinner time, and we ain't got no stinkin' entrees!
Scar
It's the lionesses' job to do the hunting...
Banzai
But they won't go hunt.
Scar
Oh... eat Zazu.
Zazu
Oh, you wouldn't want me! I'd be so tough and gamey and... eww...
Scar
Oh, Zazu, don't be ridiculous. All you need is a little garnish.
Banzai
I thought things were bad under Mufasa.
Scar
What did you say?!
Banzai
I said Muf... (Shenzi nudges him) I said, uh... "Qu? pasa?"
Scar
Good. Now get out!
Banzai
Yeah but, we're still hungry.
Scar
Out!
(The hyenas quickly flee the cave)
And another thing, your beer tastes like piss.
Short Bartender
We know.
Because we piss in it!
Short Bartender
And that's not all!
El Mariachi
Is there something to drink?
Short Bartender
You got something in the guitar case?
El Mariachi
Yeah...
Short Bartender
What?
El Mariachi
A guitar...
Short Bartender
Bad beer, bad service. Don't people know not to come in here?
There's only one person who could do that job, and that's Big Al.
Ramone
Lizzie, Big Al left like 15 years ago.
Then why are you bringing him up, you lemon?
Tow Mater
He must've finished it while we was asleep.
Doc Hudson
Good riddance. [drives off]
Flo
He's...gone?
Sarge
Well, we wouldn't want him to miss that race of his, would we?
Ramone
Oh dude, are you crying?
Sheriff
No, I'm HAPPY! I don't have to watch him every second of the day anymore! I'm glad he's gone!
Lightning McQueen
What's wrong with Red?
Tow Mater
Oh, he's just sad 'cause you left town and gone off to that big race to win your Piston Cup that you always dreamed of an' get that big fancy sponsorship you was talkin' about. [long pause] Wait a minute! I knew you wouldn't leave without sayin' goodbye! [Everyone laughs]
A video game-exclusive sequel to the movie of the same name.
Fillmore
So, turn right to go left, right?
Lightning McQueen
Uh, yeah.
Fillmore
Whoa. Deep.
Doc Hudson
You still remember how to handle yourself on dirt?
Lightning McQueen
Yeah yeah, right to go left. And this time, I'm not going into the cactus, old timer.
Lightning McQueen
Hey! This isn't how the story goes!
Tow Mater
I won! I won! W-U-N won!
Doc Hudson
You race like you run your mouth, you'd have that Piston Cup already!
Now, why gold, my dear boy?
This is all about the winning. You cannot take first place if you do not look the part.
Oh? And what makes you think you can best us in the next competition?
Easy. I see you have silver on your rims.
Lightning McQueen
He's got a point there.
You think you's the best racecar around. Well, if you want ta be the best, first you gotta beat the best.
Lightning McQueen
I take it that would be you's guys?
What, you don't believe us? You don't believe me, I will t'row down wit' you right here, right now!
Yeah! Throw down! Down to the ground! On the road! [Vince slaps Barry]
Oh my gosh! There he is!
It's totally him!
Hi Lightning!
Remember us?
Lightning McQueen
Of course, are you kidding? Who could forget... Yeah, you look familiar. Yeah.
He remembers us!
Tow Mater
Hey, what's that red light flashin' in there for?
Darrell Cartrip
Uh dude, it means you're on live on camera.
Tow Mater
I'm on the TV? WHOO-HOO! I gotta call the relatives!
MCQUEEN! GET OVER HERE! I WILL FLATTEN YOU LIKE A PANCAKE!
YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM US! AH-HA-HA-HA!
AAAAAAAAAAH!
Lightning McQueen
Well? What'd you think?
Ramone
That was, yeah, that was a pretty cool jump.
Lightning McQueen
A jump? That wasn't a jump! Didn't you see me? I flew!
Ramone
Looked like a jump to me.
Lightning McQueen
What are you talking about? When I took off, those two birds in that tree, I heard them. One said "Look, it's a flying car!"
Ramone
Uh...bird's can't talk.
Lightning McQueen
Yeah, but if they could, they would say...look, I can fly. [Sally passes by and eyes him]
Lightning McQueen
Yeah, I forgot to tell you Chick. The roads around here aren't like the tracks you and I are used to. They got these things called "right turns".
Chick Hicks
Right turns - who cares? Wasn't a real race anyway. Nobody saw it. You know, if a tree falls in a forest and there's nobody around to be seen, does anybody see it? I mean, hear it?
[Character Select quotes in Arcade Mode and VS. Mode] Lightning McQueen
Have you ever heard the word "perfection"? That's me! Yeah, me, Lightning McQueen.
Padre
Padre
It's not safe for you to be here.
Machete
I'm not looking for "safe".
Padre
No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!
Please, father. Have mercy.
Padre
God has mercy, I don't!
Padre
Cuban?
Machete
Mexican.
Luigi
Oh, Lightning! Welcome home!
Flo
Good to have you back, honey.
Fillmore
Congratulations, man!
Sarge
Welcome home, Soldier.
Sheriff
This place wasn’t the same without you, son.
What? Did he go somewhere?
Lightning
It’s good to be home, everybody. [hears Mater’s horn and sees him coming] Mater.
McQueen! [Otis shrieks]
Lightning
Mater!
McQueen!
Ramone
Hey, how far'd you make it this time, Otis?
Halfway... [panting] to the county line.
Ramone
Ooh, not bad, man! [turns on the lift for Otis]
I know! I can't believe it either!
McQueen, welcome back! [they fist bump with their front wheels]
Lightning
Mater, it’s good to see you!
You too, buddy, oh man, you ain’t gonna believe the things. I got planned for us.
Oh, these best friends greetings, they get longer every year.
You ready to have some serious fun?
Lightning
Well, actually I’ve got something to show you first.
Wow! I can’t believe they renamed the Piston Cup after our very own Doc Hudson!
So, there we were, my rocket jets goin' full blast, McQueen hangin' on for dear life, when suddenly, them two nasty lemons come out of nowhere with guns drawn. We was goners. But then, out of nowhere, this beautiful spy car swoops in from the sky to save us.
That's a very entertaining story, young man.
Oh, Minny, please. Come on! None of this happened. Rocket jets, flying spy cars--
Holley Shiftwell
No, you're quite right. [landing] It does sound a bit far-fetched.
Holley! What are you doing here?
Holley Shiftwell
Hello, Mater! It's so good to see you again.
Finn!
Finn McMissile
Our Satellites Picked Up An Urgent Communiqué.
Luigi
So, you got-a my email.
Oh, man. Y'all is gon' have a great time. Everybody, this here's Finn McMissile. He's a secret agent. Don't tell nobody. And this is Holley Shiftwell. She's--
Holley Shiftwell
I'm Mater's girlfriend. It's so nice to meet you all.
Luigi
Guido believe you now.
Flo
Whoa Honey, You Got A Nasty Dent There.
Holley Shiftwell
Yeah.
Was That From When You Swooped In And You Saved Them In London?
Van!
What, I'm Just Asking!
Flo
Ah, don't you worry, sweet pea. My Baby Ramone Can Get That Fixed Up For You In No Time.
Ramone
Yeah, sure thing, man. No problem, Just Let Me Go Get My Tools.
Holley Shiftwell
Oh-No-No, I-I'm Keeping That Dent; It's Way Too Valuable.
.
A Valuable Dent, Oh, She's As Crazy As Mater.
Oh Those Two Are Perfect For Each Other.
Lightning McQueen
You know, there's one thing I still don't get. The bad guys hit me with the beam from the camera, right? So, why didn't I...
Explode in a fiery inferno?
Lightning McQueen
Yeah.
Finn McMissile
We couldn't figure that out, either.
Holley Shiftwell
Our investigation proved that Allinol was actually gasoline, and Axlerod engineered it so when it got hit by the beam it would explode.
Lightning McQueen
Wait a second, Fillmore; You said my fuel was safe.
Fillmore
If you're implying that I switched out that rot-gut excuse for alternative fuel with my all-natural, sustainable, organic biofuel just because I never trusted Axlerod, you're dead wrong, man. It was him. [points to Sarge]
Sarge
Once big oil, always big oil... man.
Fillmore
Tree-hugger.
[The Camera Shows On A Banner Saying "Radiator Springs Grand Prix" Before Moving Down To Show Sheriff Slowly Driving Along The Main Road With The World Grand Prix Racers Behind Him With The Spectators Watching Beside Hay Bales Being Used As Barriers] .
Sheriff
The Radiator Springs Grand Prix Is About To Begin. All Spectators, Clear The Starting Line.
Man, I Can't Wait To Get Rocking; This Is Gonna Be Wicked!
Yeah, We Should Do This Every Year.
Lightning McQueen
Yeah, I Just Figured We Never Found Out Who The World's Fastest Car Is, plus no press, no trophy, just racing the way I Like It.
Francesco Bernoulli
Francesco Likes It Like This Too.
Lightning McQueen
Francesco, I'd Like You To Meet—
Francesco Bernoulli
Signorina Sally, It Is Official, Lightning McQueen Is The Luckiest Car In The World.
Why Thank You. [Chuckles].
Lightning McQueen
Crashes Are A Part Of Racing, I Know, But Something Like That Should Never Happen.
Darrell Cartrip
They're Letting You Choose Your Fuel For The Final Race. Do You Have Any Idea What It's Gonna Be?
Lightning McQueen
Allinol.
What?!
J. Curby Gremlin
Did He Just Say Allinol?!
Darrell Cartrip
After Today?
Lightning McQueen
My Friend Fillmore says the fuel's safe; that's good enough for me. I Didn't Stand By A Friend Of Mine Recently; I'm Not Gonna Make The Same Mistake Twice.
Brent Mustangburger
So, a surprising revelation from Lightning McQueen: he will use Allinol in the final race despite what occurred today.
Till Lightning McQueen Is Dead!
Of Course. [The Phone Call Ends] Allinol Must Be Finished For Good. McQueen Cannot Win The Last Race. Lightning McQueen Must Be Killed!
No!
[Mater Bumps Into A TV Which Breaks His Special Siren Light, He Turns Into All The Silly Disguises And Turns Normal] .
It's The American Spy!!!
[The Lemons Aim Guns At Him] .
Dad-Gum!
Computer
Gatling Gun: Request Acknowledged.
Let Me Go!
You Actually Care About That Race Car: A Pity You Didn't Warn Him In Time.
[The Transport Vehicle's Door Shuts, Trapping Mater Inside And Blacks Him Out With Sleeping Gas] .
Idiot, Is That How You See Me?
Finn McMissile
That's How Everyone Sees You, I Tell You That's The Genius Of It, No One Realizes They're Being Fooled Because They're Too Busy Laughing At The Fool... [Echoes].
[Mater Opens The Door Like Gates Of Heaven, The First Flashback In Crowd In Tokyo, Japan] .
But I Never Leak Oil Never!
Lightning McQueen
Mater, you have to get a hold of yourself; you're making a scene!
Wait A Minute, I Didn't Screw Ya Up Did I?
Lightning McQueen
I LOST THE RACE BECAUSE OF YOU!!
Maybe If I Talked To Somebody–
Lightning McQueen
I Don't Need Your Help! I Don't Want Your Help! [Echoes].
[Mater Sadly Lowers His Head And Hears The Words Echoed Around Him] .
Bang The Gong: Get It On!
Lightning McQueen
Listen, This Isn't Radiator Springs. This Is Exactly Why I Don't Bring You Along To These Things!
[Watching in terror, he wakes up to find himself tied up above a set of cogs. As a bell chimes, he looks around the room filled with gears and sees Finn and Holley also tied up, dangling in the teeth of the gears next to him.] .
Holley! Finn! Where Are We?
Finn McMissile
We're In London Mater, Inside Big Bentley.
[The Camera Zooms Out To Show The Outside Of The Great Elizabeth Tower Where Big Bentley Is With The Clock Saying 3 O'Clock In The Afternoon, The Changes Shot To Show The Tower Next To The Houses Of Parliament As The Ropes Holding Mater & The Cages Unwind] .
Oh, this, this is all my fault.
Finn McMissile
Don't Be A Fool, Mater.
But I Am Remember, You Said So.
Finn McMissile
Where Did I? Oh, Mater, I Was Complimenting You On What A Good Spy You Are.
I'M NOT A SPY!!!! The voices echoed as Finn and Holley felt completely shocked.] I've Been Trying To Tell You That The Whole Time; I Really Am Just A Tow Truck.
Holley Shiftwell
Finn, He's Not Joking.
Finn McMissile
I Know.
You Were Right Finn, I'm A Fool And What's Happened To McQueen Is 'Cause I'm Such A Big One: This Is All My Fault.
[They Notice Grem & Acer Arrive In An Elevator] .
Grem
Good, You're Up.
Acer
And Just In Time.
Grem
Professor Z Wanted You To Have A Front-Row Seat For The Death Of Lightning McQueen.
He's Still Alive?
Acer
Not For Much Longer.
We Came As Soon As You Called.
Lightning McQueen
I Called To Talk To Mater; It Never Occurred To Me That He Wouldn't Be There.
Ramone
Sheriff Is Talking To Scotland Yard Right Now.
Flo
And Sarge Is In Touch With His Friends In The British Military.
You Just Need To Focus On The Race.
Lightning McQueen
I know, but, Sally, with everything going on, I'm not sure... Sir Axlerod.
Grem
Here he comes.
What happened?
Grem
I don't know, Professor.
Acer
What did you do.
Grem
I didn't do nothing.
Chet Pussy
Attention pussy shoppers!
Take advantage of our penny pussy sale!
If you buy one piece of pussy at the regular price, you get another piece of pussy of equal or lesser value for only a penny!
Try and beat pussy for a penny!
If you can find cheaper pussy anywhere, **** it!
Chet Pussy
You know what they say about me? I suck!
Chet Pussy
Alright, pussy, pussy, pussy!
Come on in Pussy lovers!
Here at the Titty Twister we’re slashing pussy in half!
Give us an offer on our vast selection of pussy, this is a pussy blow out!
Alright, we got white pussy, black pussy, Spanish pussy, yellow pussy. We got hot pussy, cold pussy. We got wet pussy. We got smelly pussy. We got hairy pussy, bloody pussy. We got snapping pussy. We got silk pussy, velvet pussy, naugahyde pussy. We even got horse pussy, dog pussy, chicken pussy.
C'mon, you want pussy, come on in Pussy Lovers!
If we don't got it, you don't want it!
Come on in Pussy lovers!
Ramone
It's like the Sistine Chapel on wheels.
