Hey, man, am I driving okay?
Man Stoner
[looks around]
I think we're parked, man.
2nd most-quoted character in Up in Smoke (1978): in 17 of its 37 quotes
Most scenes with: Pedro (12)
Scenes with Man Stoner
17 scenes
Cop
What do you guys want?
Nothing.
Cop
Hey, do you mind if I have a, bite of your hot dog?
Huh? No, man, here, take the whole thing. [the cop takes a huge bite] Want some fritos?
Cop
[through a mouthful of hot dog]
No, this is fine! Thank you! Hey, you fellas have a nice day, okay?
Man Stoner
Hey, man, what was that dude's trip? I mean, what was he on, man?
Man, I don't know, but I wish we had some of it!
Man, what is in this shit, man?
Man Stoner
Mostly Maui Waui, man.
Yeah?
Man Stoner
But it's got some Labrador in it.
What's Labrador?
Man Stoner
It's dog shit.
What?
Man Stoner
Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man. I had it on the table and the little mother****er ate it, man.
Yeah?
Man Stoner
So I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?
You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man?
Man Stoner
Gets ya high, don't it?
[song "Rockin' Robin" plays...]
Man Stoner
I think it's even better than before, you know?
Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.
Man Stoner
Man, my legs hurt.
Yeah, I bet!
Man Stoner
Yeah, that 'Nam grass will **** anyone up, man!
Man Stoner
Yeah, I know, but listen. I slept in a ditch last night, man, I almost froze my balls off, man.
Hey, I didn't think you had any, man. I wouldn't even have stopped.
Man Stoner
[to Pedro, who is in the throes of panic]
HEY! MELLOW OUT, MAN!
Don't worry, man. Those aren't narcs, they're Las Emigras; you know, the Immigration Service looking for illegal aliens.
Man Stoner
What's the Immigration Service doing here, man?
My cousin needed a ride to his brother's wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Emigras, man. They'll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they'll just come back across the border.
Man Stoner
Ohhh! Ohhh!
Hey, man, how far you goin', man?
Man Stoner
[points to the curb]
Oh, right here would be fine, man!
Oh, you ain't scared of a little speed, are ya, man?
Man Stoner
Wha, you got some speed, man?
Huh? Oh. Speed? Uh, no, I ain't got no speed, man. But you know what I do got, though, man? I got a joint, man!
Man Stoner
Oh, wow. Alright.
[gets it out and hands it to Man]
Here, light that thing up, man, let's get Chinese-eyed, man.
Man Stoner
[eyeing the joint]
What kind of joint is this, man?
Oh, it's a heavy duty joint, man.
Man Stoner
Looks like a toothpick, man.
Naw, it's not a toothpick, man.
Man Stoner
Hey, it IS a toothpick, man.
[hands it back to Pedro]
Aw, man, it's... [looking at it, puzzled] it IS a toothpick! I must got it in another pocket, man. Hold on, I got the shit right here, man. [feels around in his pocket] Oh, that's my dick. [feels around some more] Yeah, there we go. Hey, there you go, man. [hands a skinny, curled up joint to Man] Light that sucker up, man. And go to the moon.
Man Stoner
[looking at a dinky little joint]
Jeez, I hope your dick's bigger than this, man.
Hey, man, you wanna get out and walk, man?
Man Stoner
Hey, hey, don't take those, man.
Wha...?
Man Stoner
I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.
Hey, man, I already took 'em, man.
Man Stoner
[laughing in astonishment]
Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...
Hey, whaddaya mean "ho ho ho ho ho"?
Man Stoner
Oh... HU-WOW, MAN!
Hey, what was that shit, man?
Man Stoner
You just take the most acid I've ever seen anybody eat in my life!
Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.
Man Stoner
Jeez, I hope you're not busy for about a month...
Hey, I've seen those guys walking around my neighborhood that took too much acid, man. The one guy, his head's swelled up like a pumpkin...
Man Stoner
[referring to the acid Pedro took]
No, that's good acid, man.
Another time, there was this guy...
Man Stoner
[Pedro starts toking on the giant joint]
Toke, toke it up, man! [Pedro starts choking] Kinda grabs ya' by the boo-boo, don't it?
Man Stoner
No, hey, man, if we're gonna wear uniforms, man, you know let's have everybody wear something different.
Yea, that's it. Yea, we want something where everybody wears something different, man, but the same, you know?
Man Stoner
[discovered, roach on an ashtray]
El roacho.
Man Stoner
[on police radio]
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, can you hear me?
Clyde - Narc
Hello, headquarters? Hello, headquarters? Come in, headquarters. This is Officer Clive... we are...
Use the codename! The codename!
Clyde - Narc
Headquarters, headquarters come in, please. This is Codename Hardhead.
Hat! Hardhat! Give me that! Hello, radio dispatch? This is Codename Hardhat, Codename Hardhat, do you read me? Over.
Man Stoner
Was that Lardass?
Hardhat! Codename Hardhat! Do you read, radio dispatch?
Man Stoner
Hey, I got somethin' for ya, Lardass!
Hardhat! Hard... Hat! Do you understand?
Lardass, Lardass!
Hardhat! Radio dispatch, do you know who this is?
Naw, who is this is?
This is Sergeant Stedenko!
Oh yeah, you know who this is?
No!
Bye-bye, Lardass!
I been smoking since I was born, man, I can smoke anything, man. You know like I smoke that Michoacán, and Acapulco Gold, man. I even smoke that tied stick, you know?
Man Stoner
"Tied stick?"
Yeah, you know that stuff that's tied to a stick.
Man Stoner
Ohh, THAI stick.