Pedro Hey, man, am I driving okay?
Played by Cheech Marin 
Up in Smoke (1978) · 37 quotes
Up in Smoke (1978) · 37 quotes
Most-quoted character in Up in Smoke (1978): in 20 of its 37 quotes
Most scenes with: Man Stoner (12)
Scenes with Pedro
20 scenes Pedro You wanna get high, man?
Pedro Does Howdy Doody have wooden Balls, man?
Cop
What do you guys want?
Pedro Nothing.
Cop
Hey, do you mind if I have a, bite of your hot dog?
Pedro Huh? No, man, here, take the whole thing. [the cop takes a huge bite] Want some fritos?
Cop
[through a mouthful of hot dog]
No, this is fine! Thank you! Hey, you fellas have a nice day, okay?
Hey, man, what was that dude's trip? I mean, what was he on, man?
Pedro Man, I don't know, but I wish we had some of it!
Pedro Man, what is in this shit, man?
Mostly Maui Waui, man.
Pedro Yeah?
But it's got some Labrador in it.
Pedro What's Labrador?
It's dog shit.
Pedro What?
Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man. I had it on the table and the little mother****er ate it, man.
Pedro Yeah?
So I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?
Pedro You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man?
Gets ya high, don't it?
[song "Rockin' Robin" plays...]
I think it's even better than before, you know?
Pedro Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.
Border Guard
So, how long you've been in Mexico?
Pedro A week. I mean a day.
Border Guard
Well, which is it? A week or a day?
Pedro A weekday.
Man, my legs hurt.
Pedro Yeah, I bet!
Strawberry
Ahhh, look at that, man, the great outdoors, huh!
Pedro Yeah, the great outdoors...
[gives Strawberry a weird look]
Pedro It's punk rock, Man! We can do that; we can be punks, Man!
Pedro [laughing while stoned]
Way anchor! How much does it weigh? I don't know, I forgot! Pffhhh! Ha-ha, I saw that in a movie once...!
Arresting Officer
Sir, could I please see your license?
Pedro Whuut?
Arresting Officer
Your license. Where's your license?
Pedro My license? It's on the bumper, man, back there, man!
Arresting Officer
No, I mean your DRIVER'S license.
Pedro Oh. Oh, yeah, I got my driver's license, man... [gets the license with great difficulty] Hey, I thought'a somethin' really funny, man... Your mother! [laughs]
Arresting Officer
[after dirty look, of course]
Sir, what's your name?
Pedro Uuhhh... Isn't it on the license, man? Yeah, that's it! Pedro De Pacas, man, that's my name...
Arresting Officer
[to Man]
And what is your name, sir?
Pedro Whut? I told you my name, man!
Arresting Officer
[to Man]
Sir... what's YOUR name?
Pedro [to Man]
Hey, man! The dude wants to know your name, man!
[Man vomits onto the floor of the car]
Pedro Uuhhh - His name is RAALLLPH, man!
Pedro Don't worry, man. Those aren't narcs, they're Las Emigras; you know, the Immigration Service looking for illegal aliens.
What's the Immigration Service doing here, man?
Pedro My cousin needed a ride to his brother's wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Emigras, man. They'll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they'll just come back across the border.
Ohhh! Ohhh!
Pedro Hey, man, how far you goin', man?
Pedro Oh, you ain't scared of a little speed, are ya, man?
Wha, you got some speed, man?
Pedro Huh? Oh. Speed? Uh, no, I ain't got no speed, man. But you know what I do got, though, man? I got a joint, man!
Oh, wow. Alright.
Pedro [gets it out and hands it to Man]
Here, light that thing up, man, let's get Chinese-eyed, man.
Pedro Oh, it's a heavy duty joint, man.
Looks like a toothpick, man.
Pedro Naw, it's not a toothpick, man.
Hey, it IS a toothpick, man.
[hands it back to Pedro]
Pedro Aw, man, it's... [looking at it, puzzled] it IS a toothpick! I must got it in another pocket, man. Hold on, I got the shit right here, man. [feels around in his pocket] Oh, that's my dick. [feels around some more] Yeah, there we go. Hey, there you go, man. [hands a skinny, curled up joint to Man] Light that sucker up, man. And go to the moon.
Pedro Hey, man, you wanna get out and walk, man?
Hey, hey, don't take those, man.
Pedro Wha...?
I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.
Pedro Hey, man, I already took 'em, man.
Pedro Hey, whaddaya mean "ho ho ho ho ho"?
Oh... HU-WOW, MAN!
Pedro Hey, what was that shit, man?
You just take the most acid I've ever seen anybody eat in my life!
Pedro Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.
Jeez, I hope you're not busy for about a month...
Pedro Hey, I've seen those guys walking around my neighborhood that took too much acid, man. The one guy, his head's swelled up like a pumpkin...
Pedro Another time, there was this guy...
No, hey, man, if we're gonna wear uniforms, man, you know let's have everybody wear something different.
Pedro Yea, that's it. Yea, we want something where everybody wears something different, man, but the same, you know?
Clyde - Narc
Hello, headquarters? Hello, headquarters? Come in, headquarters. This is Officer Clive... we are...
Use the codename! The codename!
Clyde - Narc
Headquarters, headquarters come in, please. This is Codename Hardhead.
Hat! Hardhat! Give me that! Hello, radio dispatch? This is Codename Hardhat, Codename Hardhat, do you read me? Over.
Was that Lardass?
Hardhat! Codename Hardhat! Do you read, radio dispatch?
Hey, I got somethin' for ya, Lardass!
Hardhat! Hard... Hat! Do you understand?
Pedro Lardass, Lardass!
Hardhat! Radio dispatch, do you know who this is?
Pedro Naw, who is this is?
This is Sergeant Stedenko!
Pedro Oh yeah, you know who this is?
No!
Pedro Bye-bye, Lardass!
Pedro I been smoking since I was born, man, I can smoke anything, man. You know like I smoke that Michoacán, and Acapulco Gold, man. I even smoke that tied stick, you know?
"Tied stick?"
Pedro Yeah, you know that stuff that's tied to a stick.
Ohh, THAI stick.
