Short Bartender
Bad beer, bad service. Don't people know not to come in here?
Played by Cheech Marin 
Desperado (1995) · 21 quotes
Desperado (1995) · 21 quotes
Scenes with Short Bartender
6 scenes Short Bartender
Short Bartender
What do you want?
Buscemi
Beer.
Short Bartender
All I got is piss-warm Chango.
Buscemi
That's my brand. You got a cleaner mug? This one's dirty.
Short Bartender
**** you, man! That's the cleanest one I got!
Buscemi
Oh, this is damn good! Say, this is the best beer I've ever had. Actually, I'm just glad to be alive right now. I was up a few towns away... you know Saragosa? I was visiting a bar there, not unlike this one. They serve beer. Not quite as good as this, but close. And I saw something you wouldn't believe. I'm sitting there, see, small table all by myself, at this bar. It's full of real lowlifes! I mean, not like this place here. No, I mean bad. Like they were up to no good. Anyway, I'm by myself... I like it that way. Meanwhile, things are going on... under-the-table kinds of things. Not too obvious, but not too secret either. So, I'm sitting there. And in walks the biggest Mexican I have ever seen. Big as shit. Just walks right in like he owns the place. And nobody knew quite what to make of him... or quite what to think. There he was, and in he walked. He was dark too. I don't mean dark-skinned. No, this was different. It was if he was always walking in a shadow. I mean, every step he took toward the light, just when you thought his face was about to be revealed... it wasn't. It was as if the lights dimmed, just for him.
Buscemi
[after telling about a rogue gunslinger shooting up a bar]
The stranger shot him, walked over to the bartender, paid, and left.
Short Bartender
So the bartender lived? [laughing] The bartender never gets killed!
Buscemi
But as the stranger neared the door...
Buscemi
[In a flashback, a bartender pulls a shotgun. The stranger shoots the bartender in the head]
No, man. The bartender got it worse than anybody.
Tourist Girl
And another thing, your beer tastes like piss.
Short Bartender
We know.
Tavo
Because we piss in it!
Short Bartender
And that's not all!
El Mariachi
Is there something to drink?
Short Bartender
You got something in the guitar case?
El Mariachi
Yeah...
Short Bartender
What?
El Mariachi
A guitar...
Short Bartender
¡Matalo! ["Kill him!"]
El Mariachi
Not yet.
