Hey, it's about time, man. [seeing a jar with a yellowish fluid inside] Hey, what do you got? Hey, give me some.
Chong What?
Give a drink, man. Come on, man, you drink it.
Chong What, this?
Yeah.
Chong Oh, go ahead, man. Help yourself. [hands him the jar]
Wait a minute... [sniffs the inside] Hey, man, that's pee!
Chong No kidding.
What are you doing with pee?
Chong That's for my probation officer, man.
What, does he drink pee?
Chong No, man. Last week, I was supposed to bring some in, you know.
Yeah?
Chong But I forgot to wash out the jar first, so he sees that mayonnaise floatin' around, and he'll think I'm on some kind of weird drug again, and I'm really gonna **** with his mind this time, man.
Yeah, what did you do?
Chong Have my SISTER pee in it.
Chong Yeah, she's pregnant!
Chong No, she's out of it, man. We're just waiting on some from Columbia.
Chong I dig it, man. It's good. But you know, while you were singing that, I came up with another song, man.
Oh, yeah?
Chong Yeah. It's like the same thing, only different.
Gloria's Mom Watch the road.
Okay, where's it gonna go?
Hey, fella, you need a pass.
Hey, fella, your pass?
Pass? Oh, thanks a lot, man.
Chong You got a light, man?
Huh? Oh yeah, here. [hands him a lighter] Hey, I don't think you better light it in here, man.
Chong Why?
Ah, these gas fumes, man.
Chong Oh man. '[flicks the lighter]
I don't know. [the inside of the car explodes]
Want me to teach you some Spanish, man?
Chong Okay.
When you see a friend, you say "Hey, how's it going, Pendejo?"
Chong "Hey, how's it going, Pendecko?"
...Yeah, that's close enough.
Chong What does that mean, man?
Oh, it means my really good friend.
Chong "How's it going, Pend... Pen..." How was that, again?
Pendejo.
Chong Pendecko.
Cheech! Hey, you old pile of horseshit! How are you? Goddamn, you got ugly! How ya doing, man?
Chong Good, man.
I haven't seen you in ten years, man!
Chong I'm not Cheech, man.
What?
Chong I'm Cheech's friend Chong.
Oh, hey, Ching! Good to meet you!
Desk Clerk Look, this is the real thing this time! There are two crazies running around tearing the place up! I already told you our location! ERRRGH! Well, what are they doing, walking over here? Look, I think they're Iranians!... okay, thanks very much.
Pee-wee Herman Hey, you guys look a little familiar to me!
Hey, you smell kinda familiar.
Pee-wee Herman Ha, ha, ha. I'm the comedian. I'll tell the jokes, if you don't mind! If you think it's so easy, why don't you come up here and do it?
Gloria's Mom Yeah, go up there and tell a joke!
Pee-wee Herman That's right! You come up here and do it!
Okay!
Chong Yeah, man!
Pee-wee Herman **** this. I'm going somewhere else. Hey, hey, here! [gives Red the finger and storms off]
Chong You're driving like an idiot, man.
I just can't get used to these automatics, man.
Chong Yeah, they are real complicated, aren't they?