Machete (2010) quotes

View Quote April: [dressed as a nun, points a gun at McLaughlin] In the name of my father...
McLaughlin: "My father"? April?
April: [Shoots McLaughlin in the chest three times] I forgot the rest.

View Quote Booth: Machete sent me a text.
Osiris: What did it say?
Booth: "You just **** with the wrong Mexican."

View Quote Doctor: How's the eye?
Shé: [Wearing an eyepatch] What eye?

View Quote Henchman: Please, father. Have mercy.
Padre: God has mercy, I don't!

View Quote Machete: Machete don't text.

View Quote McLaughlin: [after shooting a Mexican trying to cross a border] Welcome to America.

View Quote Padre: [from trailer]
[inside the church]
Padre: It's not safe for you to be here.
Machete: I'm not looking for "safe".
Padre: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!

View Quote Padre: [from trailer]
[Padre quickly blesses Machete]
Padre: I absolve you of all your sins. Now, get the **** out!

View Quote Padre: [offers Machete a cigar] Cuban?
Machete: Mexican.

View Quote Sartana: I thought Machete don't text.
Machete: Machete improvise.

View Quote Sartana: We didn't cross the border. The border crossed us.

View Quote Sartana: Well, there's a law and there's what's right. I'm going to do what's right.

View Quote Senator McLaughlin: Well, I wanna thank y'all for coming out today, and I wanna thank my supporters from the bottom of my heart. Because we have been tested -- tested by fire. Our border has been put to the test, and let me tell you: we have failed that test. The aliens, the infiltrators, the outsiders, they come right across by light of day or dark of night. They'll bleed us, they're parasites. They'll bleed us until we as a city, a county, a state, a nation are all bled out. Make no mistake: we are at war. Every time an illegal dances across our border it is an act of aggression against this sovereign state, an overt act of terrorism. Everywhere I go in this state people are talking about change. I say "why change"? This is a great state founded on the principles of liberty, I don't wanna change that. Our rightful citizens are hardworking Americans who earn their paychecks by the grit of their guts and the sweat of their brow! I don't wanna change that! "Change," that's what they want, change. Change the laws, open the doors. Red rover, red rover, let the terrorists come over! Let me tell you what change that'll bring: 68 cents. The jingle-jangle of pennies in your pocket because the scavengers, the leeches, the parasites are walking away with your money, while you're left with the change. So, I wanna say one more thing: who you gonna vote for?

View Quote Stillman: Helter Skelter's here.

View Quote Stillman: I'd rather see that Mexican dance the Bolero at the end of a rope.