I know. You’re right. I'm so sorry. I ****in' hate this job. I don't wanna be the one to pass judgement, decide who gets in. Shit makes me sick to my stomach, I get the runs from the stress. It's not cause you're not hot, I would love to tap that ass. I would tear that ass up. I can't let you in cause you're old as ****. For this club, you know, not for the earth.
Ben Stone
Seth Rogen · 24 quotes
Fantasy Baseball Guy
20 quotes
Debbie
Leslie Mann · 15 quotes
Jonah
Jonah Hill · 15 quotes
Ben
Seth Rogen · 13 quotes
Allison Scott
12 quotes
Alison
Katherine Heigl · 8 quotes
Jason
Jason Segel · 7 quotes
Jay
Jay Baruchel · 7 quotes
Martin
Martin Starr · 5 quotes
Doorman
Craig Robinson · 3 quotes
Sadie
Maude Apatow · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Ben Stone & Fantasy Baseball Guy (10), Ben Stone & Ben (9), Fantasy Baseball Guy & Ben (9)
Knocked Up quotes
Page 4 of 6I proposed to you like an idiot and you said no to me.
I think it's Matisyahu.
I went where I went Jason!
I will **** my bong. Doggy-style, for once. (gives Alison the middle finger as he walks out of the OB/GYN office)
I'll see you later. (to Alison at the first bar encounter) No I won't, 'cause I'm a pussy.
I'm going to murderball you!
I'm gonna thrown you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.
I'm not having SHIT right now besides a **** panic attack!
If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."
It cures everything. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just got high. It still clicks, but it's cool.
It's the baseball draft honey, I got Matsui!
Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to **** rock this shit!
Marriage is like a tense, unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond, only it doesn't last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.
Nice. You are such an asshole. You know what? Go--go **** your **** bong!