Jonah Don't masturbate with a noose. If you do, use a spotter or a teammate.
Played by Jonah Hill 
Knocked Up (2007) · 87 quotes
Knocked Up (2007) · 87 quotes
Tied for 3rd most-quoted character in Knocked Up (2007): in 15 of its 87 quotes
Most scenes with: Fantasy Baseball Guy (2), Jay (2)
What the ****, man?! If I go in there and see **** pubes sprinkled all over the toilet seat, I'm gonna **** lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a **** stuffed animal!
More lines from Jonah
10 quotes Jonah Jonah I'm going to murderball you!
Jonah Hey, Jay, do you use that Canadian leaf tattoo as like a **** target? How many points do you get for hitting the stem, like a million?
Jonah I went where I went Jason!
Jonah Hey Crocket, how's Tubbs doing?
Jonah How did it feel changing your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Jonah See ya... Scorcese on coke
Jonah I could smoke weed, every second, of everyday.
Jonah She like'a da way ya dick taste.
Jonah I'm not having SHIT right now besides a **** panic attack!
Scenes with Jonah
4 scenes
You're embarrassing me in company!
Jonah You embarrass yourself!
Do you ever get so bored you stare at your balls?
Jonah I bet you do late John Lennon.
Jonah I can't believe you didn't wear a bag, WHO DOES THAT?
Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?
Jonah I can't believe you did this. You messed everything up.
The real point is not to get yourself into this position, that's what you have to realize. You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.
Jonah Well that's true. Everyone knows that.
What goes up must come down.
Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to ****in' rock this shit! [sees Alison, embarrassed]
Jonah What the ****, man? If I go in there and see ****in' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna ****in' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a ****in' stuffed animal!
You're embarrassing me in front of company!
Jonah You embarrass yourself!
