Sherman Schrader I may be a total idiot but that doesn't mean i can't vote democrat
Played by Jonah Hill 
Accepted (2006) · 61 quotes
Accepted (2006) · 61 quotes
Most-quoted character in Accepted (2006): in 28 of its 61 quotes
Most scenes with: Bartleby Gaines (13), Freaky Guy (12)
Let's start this fake college. Then we'll go start a meth lab somewhere. It's a gateway crime. That's how these things start.
More lines from Sherman Schrader
14 quotes Sherman Schrader Sherman Schrader Legacy!
Sherman Schrader This place is awesome, now I can finally get hepatitis.
Sherman Schrader Oh yeah, I do actually. I carry around a list with me at all times of abandoned buildings for fake colleges.
Sherman Schrader I don't want to be alone in here when the walls start to bleed.
Sherman Schrader [looking at the mascot]
A sandwich? Oh, you're the SHIT sandwiches!
Sherman Schrader You date Monica Morlan? I think about her while I masturbate.
Sherman Schrader I hope you guys have hobo stab insurance.
Sherman Schrader [screams loudly and high-pitched]
It would be really cool if you guys didn't tell anyone I scream like that.
Sherman Schrader [after being inducted into the brotherhood]
Yes! Yes! I want it! I want everything you guys have! I want Lilac shirts! I want visors kinda tilted to the side with hair gel coming out of it! [points to Gwynn] I want to have sex with girls that look like this!
Sherman Schrader The "Roaring Twenties" is BKE's biggest party of the year and we're recreating the scene from "The Untouchables" where Hoyt, as Bobby De Niro, crushes my skull with a baseball bat.
Sherman Schrader [referring to the abandoned asylum]
Great, the birthplace of crack.
Sherman Schrader That's a G chord..um, I use to play in a Cranberry's tribute band. We disbanded.
Sherman Schrader [dressed in a hotdog costume, chasing after a student]
Hey, ask me about my wiener!
Scenes with Sherman Schrader
13 scenes
A bird in the hand, dude. A bird in the hands.
Schrader That doesn't make any sense.
Schrader Ask me about my weiner! Ask me about my wiener-r-r-r-r-r!
Monica Hey.
Schrader Oh hey, B. And Monica.
Why are you wearing that?
Schrader Every brother of my fraternity has worn this suit. President James Garfield wore this suit like a gentleman!
Oh yeah, and look what happened to him? He got assassinated by Charles Guiteau.
Schrader Listen, could you guys ask me about my weiner real quick?
Schrader (pause), no.
Schrader Guys, this is important! My fraternity brothers could be watching me right now! Just ask me about my weiner, please!
Why are you doing this?
Schrader What do you mean?
This, you're humiliating yourself, buddy.
Schrader [angry]
You know what, B? Don't mess with me, alright? These are the happiest times of my life right now! I've never been happier, I'm happy! [storms off, starts chasing another student] Hey, ask me about my weiner!
Schrader Hey, guys. Don't go in there! That's breaking and entering.
C'mon, Schrader, don't be scared.
Schrader Scared? I'm not scared, you're scared.
Hands Schrader, you were afraid to taste the new flavor of Dr. Pepper.
Schrader I told you that in confidence, Hands!
Schrader you were afraid when your tooth fell out 'cuz you were terrified of the tooth fairy.
Schrader That's actually a legitimate fear. She was rifling through my shit.
[asking his friends to think up of classes they can offer]
Alright, Schrader. What about you?
Schrader Well, B, I'm glad you asked that, actually, cuz since we're going to prison, I want to learn how to carve a shank out of my toothbrush.
Dean Van Horne [referring to Ben]
Mr. Lewis has not been teaching for over 20 years! He's a delinquent and a drunkard!
Schrader [stands up]
Hey, asshole! You're talking about my mom's brother!
Dean Van Horne Oh, sit down!
Schrader [sits down]
Okay.
Dr. Alexander [During the accreditation hearing]
So, is that it Mr. Gaines? You have one teacher for upwards of 300 students?
[silent]
Dr. Alexander Mr. Gaines! Answer the question!
No, I'm not gonna answer your question, 'cause you guys have already made up your minds. I'm an expert in rejection, and I can see it on your faces. Just because you want us to be more like them, when we're not like them, and I am damn proud of that fact! I mean, Harmon College, and their 100 years of tradition, but tradition of what? Of, hazing kids, or humiliating anyone who's a little bit different? Or putting so much pressure on kids that they become these stress freaks and caffeine addicts?
Dean Van Horne Your phony school demeans real colleges everywhere!
Why? Why can't we both exist? You can have your grades, and your rules, and your structure and ivory towers, and then we'll do things our way. Why do we have to conform to what you want?
Dean Van Horne Your curriculum is a joke, and you sir, are a criminal.
No, you're the criminal, because you rob these kids of their creativity and their passion, that's the real crime! What about you parents? Did the system really work out for you? Did it teach you to follow, your heart, or roll over, play it safe? What about you guys? Did you always want to be school administrators? Dr. Alexander, was that your dream? Or no, maybe you wanted to be a poet, or a magician, or an artist. Maybe you just wanted to travel the world. Look, I lied to you, and I'm sorry, Dad, especially you. But out of that desperation, something so great happened. Because there are so few truths in this world, that when you see one, you know it, and I know that it is a truth that real learning took place at South Harmon. Whether you like it or not, it did. Because you don't need grades or rules or structure to really learn, you just need people with a desire to better themselves, and we got that by the shitload at South Harmon! So you can go ahead. Sign your forms. Reject us, shoot us down, do whatever you gotta do. It doesn't really matter at this point, because we'll never stop learning and we'll never forget the truths that were instilled in us at our place! Because we're S.H.I.T.Heads now, and we'll be S.H.I.T.Heads forever, and nothing you can say or do or stamp can take that away from us, so go!
So you saying you wanna be a SHIT head?
Schrader I wanna be a SHIT head.
Oh yeah, Monica, this is Schrader.
Schrader Oh yeah, I think we know each other. We were in math class together..I sat behind you, you know..all the way in back...yeah, I don't remember you either..
Student
[student runs out of school, throwing his papers in the air] [estactic]
I got into Princeton!
Schrader Hey, I think that guy got into Princeton.
We have a situation.
Schrader I'm kinda busy right now, I'm in the middle of rush--
Ok, remember when we had to steal my mom's birth control pills?
Schrader Yeah, and Lizzie was born.
It's worse than that.
Schrader Hey, you wanted to fool your dad and the guy's not an idiot. And also, it was your idea to put acceptance letters as just "one click away".
Yeah, you put it as "one click away", you don't make it clickable!
In life, it's important to distinguish between need and want. You think you want something because you've been conditioned to want it.
Kid
I want the pump!
I don't got the pump. But look! I've got the Tim Dunkan Adidas Cool D's.
Kid
I want the pump!
Listen you insolent little snot! There are kids right now in Asia, who are sewing your stupid shoes together, so that their family can have a bowl of rice to eat tonight!
Schrader This is the worst idea of all time.
Your Uncle Ben used to be a genius. It'll be fine.
Woman
What did you do?
You're the one who emotionally crippled the kid. You know what? Maybe he's ****. I'm glad my mother's DEAD!
He's just having a bad day.
[A supposed dead body (mannequin) falls from the ceiling. Schrader screams in an extremely high-pitched tone] [stares in disbelief at Schrader]
Schrader, what the hell was that?!
Schrader Well that's embarrasing.
Are you kidding?
Schrader It would be really cool if you guys didn't tell people I scream like that.
You said you didn't wanna be a part of this thing.
Schrader I didn't want to have anything to do with it. I wanted to be the fourth generation of Schrader to go to Harmon. But then I realized, I would much rather be the first generation of Schrader to go to the South Harmon Institute of Technology. I said it, okay? I said it.
So you're saying... you're saying you want to be a S.H.I.T. head?
Schrader I'm saying I wanna be a S.H.I.T. head. I wanna be a S.H.I.T. head.
