Knocked Up quotes

78 total quotes

Allison Scott
Ben Stone
Debbie
Doorman
Fantasy Baseball Guy

Jason
Jay
Jonah
Martin
Pete

View Quote Debbie: We have to help them raise the baby.
Pete: Well...****!!

View Quote Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.
Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

View Quote Jay: You're embarrassing me in company!
Jonah: You embarrass yourself!

View Quote Martin: Do you ever get so bored you stare at your balls?
Jonah: I bet you do late John Lennon.

View Quote Martin: I think he's using the dice move a bit too much.
Jay: I think that's pretty much all he's got.

View Quote Sadie: I googled murder.

View Quote Sadie: Where do babies come from?
Debbie: Where do you think they come from?
Sadie: Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
Debbie: That's exactly right.

View Quote (In Alison's bed) **** off, Martin!

View Quote (with a gas mask with an attached bong to his face) I am your stoner!

View Quote Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant until she's sitting on the toilet and the kid pops out?

View Quote Don't let the door hit you in the vagina on the way out.

View Quote Don't masturbate with a noose. If you do, use a spotter or a teammate.

View Quote Dude, it's not herpes if it's everywhere.

View Quote **** me in the beard.

View Quote He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.