I gotta go, Sadie might have the chicken pox.
I had the chicken pox THREE times. I have no immunity to it.
We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
It's not herpes if it's everywhere.
Ben Stone
Seth Rogen · 24 quotes
Fantasy Baseball Guy
20 quotes
Debbie
Leslie Mann · 15 quotes
Jonah
Jonah Hill · 15 quotes
Ben
Seth Rogen · 13 quotes
Allison Scott
12 quotes
Alison
Katherine Heigl · 8 quotes
Jason
Jason Segel · 7 quotes
Jay
Jay Baruchel · 7 quotes
Martin
Martin Starr · 5 quotes
Doorman
Craig Robinson · 3 quotes
Sadie
Maude Apatow · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Ben Stone & Fantasy Baseball Guy (10), Ben Stone & Ben (9), Fantasy Baseball Guy & Ben (9)
Knocked Up quotes
Page 2 of 6Look, here are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood.
Looks like your computer has chicken pox.
These are SEX OFFENDERS. They live in our NEIGHBORHOOD.
Well, we'll skip their houses when we go trick-or-treating. What do you want me to do? Form a posse? (to Ben) I got my six shooter. Ya got your lynchin' rope?
If I didn't care about these things, you wouldn't care about anything. Care more.
We have to help them raise the baby.
Well...****!!
I'm going to be there to rear your child.
You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!
Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to ****in' rock this shit! [sees Alison, embarrassed]
What the ****, man? If I go in there and see ****in' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna ****in' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a ****in' stuffed animal!
You're embarrassing me in front of company!
You embarrass yourself!
You're embarrassing me in company!
You embarrass yourself!
I can't believe you didn't wear a bag, WHO DOES THAT?
Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms if you weren't gonna use 'em, man?
I can't believe you did this. You messed everything up.
The real point is not to get yourself into this position, that's what you have to realize. You gotta know all the tricks like, for example, if a woman's on top she can't get pregnant. It's just gravity.
Well that's true. Everyone knows that.
What goes up must come down.
Do you ever get so bored you stare at your balls?
I bet you do late John Lennon.
I think he's using the dice move a bit too much.
I think that's pretty much all he's got.
Ugh... sounds awful... I'm just really constipated. Do you really want to?
Well, not now!
I googled murder.
Where do babies come from?
Where do you think they come from?
Well. I think a stork, he umm, he drops it down and then, and then, a hole goes in your body and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head and then you push your belly button and then your butt falls off and then you hold your butt and you have to dig and you find the little baby.
That's exactly right.
Ben's Dad: I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
I'm the best thing that ever happened to you?
Ben's Dad: Yes.
Now I'm starting to feel sorry for you.