Kristen Bell movie quotes

View Quote Kiki: Sometimes when I'm driving all by myself, I have this fantasy that I get into a car crash. Not a big one with fire and explosions, but just like a little one, but I do get injured and I get to go to the hospital for two weeks and I sleep all day and I eat Jell-O and I watch so much TV and it's all covered by my insurance. My kids bring me balloons, and the nurses rub cream on my feet, and oh, my God, it's so amazing. Is that like something you guys fantasize about, too?
Carla, Amy: No.
Carla: You're batshit crazy.
Amy: Yeah.
Carla: And I'm never gonna get into a car with you.

View Quote Carla: Holy ****! Look at your mom bra!
Kiki: Ooh.
Carla: There's so much surface area. You can make three regular bras out of this one mom bra.
Amy: This isn't my mom bra. This is my sexy bra.
Carla: [laughs] Shut up!
Amy: Don't laugh.
Carla: Wait, are you serious?
Amy: Yes!
Carla: Oh, honey. Amy. Oh! That looks like you just got out of surgery.
Amy: Is it that bad?
Carla: Yeah, there's just one boob-log.
Kiki: Yeah.
Carla: You don't even have two tits.
Amy: I have this in black. Do you guys wanna see it in black?
Carla: No!
Kiki: No!
Amy: Oh, wow.
Kiki: This bra will be the death of your vagina.

View Quote Carla: This is about standing up to the bitch that hurt your little girl! Now, are you gonna sit here and let Gwendolyn get away with this shit?
Kiki: Don't do it, Amy.
Carla: **** that! **** it! You are gonna rise up like a small, little white Apollo Creed and you are gonna look at Gwendolyn and you are gonna say, "You can do what you want to me, I don't care, throw it at me, but you **** with my daughter, and now I have to fight you. I will fight you in the playground. I will fight you in the cafeteria. I will even fight you in the parking lot of Trader Joe's. But I will have justice for my little girl, because I am a **** mom. And we protect our young." So get up off this couch, turn off 12 Years a Slave, and let's bodyslam this bitch.
Kiki: Come on, Amy.
Carla: Come on. Get those tits up.
Kiki: Get 'em up.
Carla: Get 'em up.
Kiki: Get your boobs up.
Carla: Get those tits right up.

View Quote Rachel Jansen: Welcome to Turtle Bay. What can I do for you?
Peter Bretter: I'm checking in. My name's Bretter. Peter Bretter. But actually, I don't have a reservation. Just thought I'd... take my chances. [smiles weakly]
Rachel Jansen: Oh! Wow. Bold! [she looks through the registrar] We are all booked up, but we do have the Kapua Suite available.
Peter Bretter: Um, okay. How much is that?
Rachel Jansen: $6,000 a night.
Peter Bretter: Wow.
Rachel Jansen: Beautiful views.
Peter Bretter: I can imagine... that's a little bit out of my price range. Sorry. [he looks around] That's a shame. This is such a beautiful... ([he jumps as he looks out the window and sees Sarah walking by] hotel.
Rachel Jansen: Oh, yeah, it's Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene. [laughs] People are excited that she's here.
Peter Bretter: She's my ex-girlfriend. We broke up three weeks ago.
Rachel Jansen: Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
Peter Bretter: Okay, like, this is fine, right?
Rachel Jansen: Sir?
Peter Bretter: It's totally fine. [looks over his shoulder and sees Sarah entering the lobby] Okay, there she is. Did she see me?
Rachel Jansen: Uh-huh.
Peter Bretter: Is she coming over here?
Rachel Jansen: Yup.
Peter Bretter: I wish I wasn't wearing this **** shirt.
Rachel Jansen: Fair enough. Why don't you try unbuttoning it? [Peter opens the top two buttons of the shirt and looks at her for approval] Button it back up.
Sarah Marshall: Peter?
Peter Bretter: Hey. Hi.
Sarah Marshall: What are you doing here?
Peter Bretter: I came here to murder you. [chuckles hysterically]
Sarah: Really, what are you doing here?
Peter Brenner: I have been having a tough time, you know, back in L.A. Uh, but then, I came here, and here you are. I just think that's too crazy to...
Aldous Snow: [enters the lobby] Hey there, little sex object! [slaps Sarah's rear and kisses her forehead, catching her off-guard] I've lost a shoe [holds up a black flip-flop] Have you seen it anywhere? It's like this one, but obviously it's, um opposite of um, excuse me, Misses? [to Rachel] I've lost a shoe. It's like this one. It's like, this one's fellow. Sort of like the exact opposite of this one, in fact.
Rachel Jansen: Uh-huh?
Aldous Snow: Not like, an evil version, but just, you know, a shoe, like this, but for the other foot, otherwise I'd have to...
Sarah Marshall: Aldous, this is Peter.
Aldous Snow: Hey! Alright, Peter! Nice to meet you, mate. [shakes hands with Peter and shoulder-bumps him] Aldous. Good to meet you, man.
Sarah Marshall: My ex-boyfriend.
Aldous Snow: Oh, right! Hey, I'm Aldous Snow.
Peter Bretter: I know who you are. Yeah, you're very, very famous.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, I am, I am... for my sins. So, are you, um, staying here as well?
Peter Bretter: I'm not, as a matter...
Rachel Jansen: I'm sorry. Excuse me, Mr. Bretter, Ms. Marshall. [to Peter] But, we were, um, able to book the Kapua suite for you, sir, for four nights.
Peter Bretter: You were?
Rachel Jansen: [smiles and nods] Yes, sir.
Peter Bretter: Marvelous!
Aldous Snow: Perfect! Perfect amount of time. Listen, if you want to have dinner with us one of those nights, you're very...
Sarah Marshall: Aldous!
Peter Bretter: No. No, that's very gentlemanly of you, but, uh, you two enjoy your trip, and, uh, I'll be just fine on my own in my Kapua Suite.
Aldous Snow: Alright, Peter.
Sarah Marshall: Have a good trip, Pete.
Aldous Snow: I like your shirt. It's colorful. [he and Sarah walk away] Bye, ta-ta! [to Sarah] I was wearing two shoes this morning, wasn't I?
Peter Bretter: Bye, now. [to Rachel] Thank you. Thank you for bailing me out like that, but I still can't afford that room.
Rachel Jansen: Nobody can. It's for, like, Oprah, or like, Celine Dion. Really, it's not a big deal. So, you can stay in the suite, but since you're not technically a guest, you have to clean up after yourself. [hands him a key] Otherwise, here is your room key, and enjoy your stay!
Peter Bretter: Why are you doing this for me?
Rachel Jansen: She's here with some guy already? Kind of messed up.
Peter Bretter: Yeah, right?! Thank you.
Rachel Jansen: Really, it's not a big deal. Go, go enjoy yourself!
Peter Bretter: [tries to read her nametag] Rachel...
Rachel Jansen: Jansen.
Peter Bretter: Jansen. I mean, a thousand times, thank you! You know what I mean? I...
Rachel Jansen: Go. Go enjoy yourself!

View Quote [Sarah, having heard Rachel and Peter having sex through the wall, starts having sex with Aldous and faking a loud orgasm; Rachel and Peter realize what she's doing and have even noisier sex, trying to one-up her and vice versa. Finally, Aldous realizes what Sarah's doing and shoves her off.]
Aldous Snow: Yeah, alright, that's enough!
Sarah Marshall: What?
Aldous Snow: I made a mistake, coming here with you. You're still involved with 'im next door, in't ya?
Sarah Marshall: Excuse me?
Aldous Snow: You should have seen yourself at dinner, Sarah. Then, we come back here, and you put on that... ghastly performance. I mean, I've heard that women fake orgasms, but I've never actually seen one. It really, deeply upset me.
Sarah Marshall: You should have seen yourself at dinner! [mocking Aldous's accent] Oh, I'm Aldous Snow... bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. No, no drinks for me thanks... bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Aldous Snow: That's a really reductive impression. If I wanted to see you act badly, I'd just watch your TV show. Which, obviously, I can't now, 'cause it's canceled.
Sarah Marshall: Oh my God, you're such a prick! And, you know what?! Lemme tell you something about these tattoos, okay?! That is Buddhist, that is Nordic, that is Hindu, that's just gibberish. They are completely conflicting ideologies, and that does not make you a citizen of the world, it makes you full of shit!
Aldous Snow: Was that genuine, or did you fake that as well? Right, I'm gonna probably clear off, now. I'll have a little sleep for a couple of hours, but then, uh, I'm gonna probably go in the morning, okay?
Sarah Marshall: [long pause] I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, well I **** the housekeeper the other day.

View Quote Sarah Marshall: [after she, Peter and Rachel have each had a lot of wine] So... just so we're clear, and so that I can kinda hone in on your, your central thesis of the night, wade through all the bullshit, you're telling me you think you have the right to just **** anyone, anywhere, anytime? That's what you're saying?
Aldous Snow: Yes! That's right, there it is! Not so eloquently as you just put it, sweetheart, but... [spills his cranberry juice over the Tommy Bahama shirt Sarah bought him, and doesn't notice] Ultimately, that is... [notices the spill and laughs] Oh, no! Not the shirt! [laughing] Take my eyes, but not the shirt! Mmm, yeah, that's pretty much what I believe, Sarah.
Sarah Marshall: When you're done making jokes, are you gonna get a napkin?!
Aldous Snow: D'you know what, I think I've improved it, actually! Against all odds, I think I deserve a design award!
Sarah Marshall: [quietly and angrily] Just please get some seltzer water.
Aldous Snow: Um, garcon, could we get some... [Matthew rushes over and tries vigorously to clean off Aldous' shirt, while Aldous tries to fend him off; Rachel laughs]
Matthew Van Der Wyk: I saw it from farther away. Okay, just lean back for a sec. Let me...
Aldous: No, it's all right, it's not there. You're very diligent, and I appreciate it, but, let go of the glass now, you're gonna have to walk away, bless you. [Matthew reluctantly backs off as a waitress brings dessert]
Peter Brenner: [in mock reaction to the dessert] Oh me, oh my, call the doctor.
Rachel Jansen: Oh, good! [they both laugh; Rachel feeds Peter some of her dessert.]
Peter Bretter: I love Hawaii.
Rachel Jansen: [laughs] It's good, huh?
Sarah Marshall: Yeah, it's nice, but I think, for like a week, tops. Any more than that, and I know I'd go crazy, because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world.
Rachel Jansen: Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it's such a hard life. [she feeds Peter another bite of dessert, then grabs his face and kisses him.] I like living here.

View Quote Beth: It's like, I meet a guy, and I think it's great, and anyone else would just be thinking about how much greater it's going to get. And I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Nick: You know, lightning does strike once in a while, Beth. Trust me, I know.

View Quote Beth: [to Antonio, who's rambling incoherently] I don't know what you're saying. [Beth turns to the Cab driver] What's he saying?
Cab Driver: I don't know. I don't speak idiot.

View Quote [last lines]
Nick: I have a question... why do you keep giving me back my poker chips?
Beth: Because you deserve to have it back. You threw them into the fountain and wished for love, and I don't want to keep it anymore!
Nick: [looking confused] No I didn't.
Beth: You didn't?
Nick: No!
Beth: Then who did?
Nick: I have no idea.
Beth: Then this... is all real?
[Nick starts to answer and then stops himself. He climbs into the fountain with Beth and drops the poker chip in the water]
Nick: This real enough for you?
Priest: [falling to his knees at the edge of the plaza] Ay, Dios Mio! Free from temptation! Graci!
Beth: [watching in amazement as the Priest dashes off] Didn't you say, at Umberto's bachelor party...
Nick: ...the padre cleaned me out at the poker table. Yeah.

View Quote I will not be upstaged by some slut with mutant lungs.

View Quote Nikki: [annoyed] Didn't your mama ever tell you it's not polite to stare?
Ali: You-You're just so damn beautiful, I...
Nikki: Well in that case, screw your mama and stare away.
Ali: No one would ever know.
Nikki: Know what?
Ali: That you're a dude.

View Quote Nikki: What the hell is that waitress doing here? I want that bitch out.
Sean: And what did she ever do to you?
Nikki: She said I looked like a drag queen!
Sean: Well, that can't be the first time that's happened before.

View Quote [Vanellope glitches into the dressing room of the Disney Princesses]
Vanellope: Uh, hi.
[the princesses surround her on all sides]
Vanellope: Whoa! Whoa! Ladies, I can explain! See, um... I'm a princess, too.
Anna: Wait. What?
Vanellope: Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]
Pocahontas: What kind of a princess are you?
Vanellope: What kind?
Rapunzel: Do you have magic hair?
Vanellope: No.
Elsa: Magic hands?
Vanellope: No.
Cinderella: Do animals talk to you?
Vanellope: No.
Snow White: Were you poisoned?
Vanellope: No!
Tiana and Aurora: Cursed?
Vanellope: No!
Rapunzel and Belle: Kidnapped or enslaved?
Vanellope: No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?
Ariel: Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?
Vanellope: No! Good Lord! Who would do that?!
Snow White: Have you ever had true love's kiss?
Vanellope: Eww! Barf!
Jasmine: Do you have daddy issues?
Vanellope: I don't even have a mom!
Numerous princesses: Neither do we!
Rapunzel: And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man showed up?
Vanellope: Yes! What is up with that?
All princesses: She is a Princess!
[Snow White vocalizes]
Cinderella: [eyes Vanellope's clothing] Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.
Vanellope: Oh, this old thing?
Cinderella: Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.
Aurora: As would I.
Moana: Me, too!
Elsa: So cool!
Rapunzel: Best outfit ever!
Ariel: I want one too, you guys!
Cinderella: I'll get my mice on this.

View Quote [the Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes.]
Cinderella: [sighs] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
[the other princesses cheer]
Ariel: Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [sings] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
Vanellope: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
Jasmine: Uh, she's singing.
Vanellope: Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
Tiana: That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
Vanellope: Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
Rapunzel: Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
Vanellope: Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [clears throat; sings] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. [scats]
Belle: Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?
Vanellope: Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
Mulan: Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
Pocahontas: What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
Vanellope: What?
Snow White: Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
Moana: I stare at the ocean.
Mulan: Horse trough.
Cinderella: Soap bubbles.
Vanellope: Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
Ariel: Important water.
Vanellope: Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
Rapunzel: For sure.
Tiana: Mm-hmm.
Vanellope: Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
[C-3PO enters]
C-3PO: Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quizlet starts in five minutes.
[he leaves]
Jasmine: Okay, thank you.
Tiana: Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
Aurora: It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
Belle: And best of luck finding your song.
Merida: Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!
Vanellope: Uh-huh. What did she just say?
Tiana: We don't know.
Moana: We can't understand her.
Anna: She's from the other studio.
Vanellope: Ah.
Vanellope: Ralph look, I think you fixed your insecurity.
Ralph: Yeah I did. [as Virus Ralph disappears] Woohoo! [he starts to fall]
Vanellope: NO!
J.P. Spamley: [comes to the rescue] Park it right here, Ralph! Your old friend J.P. Spamley's got you!
Ralph: [surprised] Woohoo! [goes right through it and still falls, knocked out silly]
J.P. Spamley: [surprised] Wow, that didn't work. [as Ralph was about to fall to his immediate death the princesses see him falling]
Rapunzel: [gasps] Look up there! It's a big, strong man in need of rescuing! [Moana uses her oar to let out the ocean, Ariel uses it to make a loop-de-loop, and lands on Jasmine's Magic Carpet, and Elsa freezes it into a slide for Ralph. Meanwhile, the other princesses are making their dresses to get Ralph to safety and then he approaches it using the other dresses as parachutes and Ariel sings a few notes to get Pocahontas's attention and she blows him to the place where Aurora got cursed to slumber and Tiana approaches Ralph and uses Naveen to kiss and wake him up from his slumber]
Ralph: Ah, thanks, Frogger. [notices that the princesses have saved Ralph from falling to his death] Wait a minute, who are all of you?
Jasmine: We're friends of Vanellope's.
Elsa: Yeah. And any friend of Vanellope's is a friend of ours.
Moana: You're welcome.
Vanellope: [offscreen] Ralph!
Yesss: [laughs] Looking good, big fella!
Ralph: Hey y'all! [extends his hand that the dress starts to rip as the princesses saw it and laugh] This dress is not made for a big boy. [laughs] It's going right back the alley there. Let me just make a little ajustment. [ajusts the dress and shows his fat belly] There we go. [princesses laugh]
Felix: [Approaches to Ralph, sitting peacefully in the bench while watching the sunrise] Hey. You doing okay there Ralph?
Ralph: Yeah. I am, actually. I'm doing great. [as the arcade characters reporting to their games] Come on, Felix. Let's get to work, Buddy. [as the two heads off to Fix-It Felix Jr., we zoom back into the plug of the Linkster Wi-Fi router, then we fade to the interior of the arcade section of Litwak's Family Fun Center, we fade to the doors outside, and finally the parking lot in which Del Litwak's car arrives for work, before cutting to the main title]

View Quote Vanellope: [glitches into the dressing room of the Disney Princesses; The Disney Princesses gasp] Uh, hi. [The Disney Princesses surround Vanellope on all sides, ready to attack her with their powers and weapons] Whoa! Whoa! Ladies, I can explain! See, I'm a princess, too.
Anna: [perplexed] Wait. What?
Vanellope: Yeah! Princess Vanellope von Schweetz of the Sugar Rush von Schweetzes? I'm sure you've heard of us. It'd be embarrassing for you if you haven't. [laughs nervously]
Pocahontas: What kind of a princess are you?
Vanellope: What kind?
Rapunzel: Do you have magic hair?
Vanellope: No.
Elsa: Magic hands?
Vanellope: No.
Cinderella: Do animals talk to you?
Vanellope: No.
Snow White: Were you poisoned?
Vanellope: No!
Tiana and Aurora: Cursed?
Vanellope: No!
Rapunzel and Belle: Kidnapped or enslaved?
Vanellope: No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?
Ariel: Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch (Ursula), where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs?
Vanellope: No! Good Lord! Who would do that?!
Snow White: Have you ever had true love's kiss?
Vanellope: [disgusted] Ew! Barf!
Jasmine: Do you have daddy issues?
Vanellope: I don't even have a mom!
Numerous princesses: Neither do we!
Rapunzel: And now for the million-dollar question: Do people assume all your problems got solved because a big strong man (Wreck-It Ralph) showed up?
Vanellope: Yes! What is up with that?
All princesses: She is a Princess!
[Snow White vocalizes]
Cinderella: [eyes Vanellope's clothing] Who made your gown? I've never seen anything quite like it.
Vanellope: Oh, this old thing?
Cinderella: Oh, I'd so love to have one of my own.
Aurora: As would I.
Moana: Me, too!
Elsa: So cool!
Rapunzel: Best outfit ever!
Ariel: I want one too, you guys!
Cinderella: I'll get my mice on this. [The Disney Princesses are relaxing with Vanellope, all wearing new modern clothes; Cinderella sighs] So this is love. All hail Princess Vanellope, the queen of comfy.
[the other Disney Princesses cheer]
Ariel: Of all the thingamabobs in this entire world, I never thought I'd get to wear a real... what's it called again? Oh, yeah. A shirt. [sings] I once had a dream that I might wear a shirt...
Vanellope: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait. What's going on?
Jasmine: Uh, she's singing.
Vanellope: Yeah, but there was, like, music and the spotlight and... Wait, you all saw it, too, right?
Tiana: That's what happens when a princess sings about her dreams.
Vanellope: Oh, that's never happened to me, I mean, not even once.
Rapunzel: Why don't you give it a try? What is it you really want? Sing about that.
Vanellope: Okay, uh, sure. I can do that. Uh, let's see. [clears her throat and sings] Oh, steering wheel, oh, steering wheel. Oh, yes, I want a steering wheel. [scats]
Belle: Well, there's a lot to unpack here. So, this steering wheel you sing of-- That's a metaphor?
Vanellope: Oh, no, no, no, no. It's not a metaphor. It's just... I literally want a steering wheel. I think the issue was I was a little pitchy.
Mulan: Maybe a little. But sometimes your song can't start until you go someplace to reflect.
Pocahontas: What works for some of us is finding a form of water and staring at it.
Vanellope: What?
Snow White: Oh, yes. I like to stare at a wishing well.
Moana: I stare at the ocean.
Mulan: Horse trough.
Cinderella: Soap bubbles.
Vanellope: Wait, you're saying if I just stare at some water...
Ariel: Important water.
Vanellope: Right, of course, important water. I stare at the important water, and somehow magically, I'll start singing about my dream?
Rapunzel: For sure.
Tiana: Mm-hmm.
Vanellope: Uh, yeah. I don't think so, ladies, but thanks.
C-3PO: [enters the room] Five minutes, Princesses. Another "Which Disney Princess are you?" quizlet starts in five minutes. [leaves]
Jasmine: Okay, thank you.
Tiana: Well, I guess it's back to the gowns, girls.
Aurora: It was lovely to meet you, Vanellope.
Belle: And best of luck finding your song.
Merida: [speaking Scottish] Och. Lang may yer lum reek, and may a moose ne'er leave your girnal with a tear drop in his eye. Haste ye back, me lassie!
Vanellope: Uh-huh... [whispering] What did she just say?
Tiana: We don't know.
Moana: We can't understand her.
Anna: She's from the other studio.
Vanellope: Ah.