Most-quoted character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008): in 13 of its 22 quotes
Most scenes with: Rachel Jansen (8), Sarah Marshall (5), Peter Brenner (3)
Peter... as you know, I love you very much...
Peter Bretter Are you breaking up with me? [drops his towel and covers his face]
Pete? Are you, um...?
Peter Bretter I just need a minute. [turns away, then hunches over and starts whimpering to himself]
Okay?
...
Do you want to put some clothes on?!
Peter Bretter Would you like to pick out the outfit you break up with me in?!
I feel... I've been feeling... that, for a long time, we've been growing apart. We're leading different lives.
Peter Bretter Who's the dude? [stands up] Who's the dude?
What?! No, that's not what this is about! There's no one else. [stands up]
Peter Bretter I know what's happening here. I really do. You've been working so much lately, that we haven't got to spend much time together and you're forgetting what it's like to be with me. But maybe if we just held each other or something, you would remember what it's like to be with me.
No.
Peter Bretter Please hold me. [Sarah hesitates] Please. [he comes over to her and hugs her, still naked. Sarah hugs him back reluctantly]
There's someone else. [Peter pulls away from her and looks at her in shock] I'm sorry. [she walks out in tears]
Welcome to Turtle Bay. What can I do for you?
Peter Bretter I'm checking in. My name's Bretter. Peter Bretter. But actually, I don't have a reservation. Just thought I'd... take my chances. [smiles weakly]
Oh! Wow. Bold! [she looks through the registrar] We are all booked up, but we do have the Kapua Suite available.
Peter Bretter Um, okay. How much is that?
$6,000 a night.
Peter Bretter Wow.
Beautiful views.
Peter Bretter I can imagine... that's a little bit out of my price range. Sorry. [he looks around] That's a shame. This is such a beautiful... ([he jumps as he looks out the window and sees Sarah walking by] hotel.
Oh, yeah, it's Sarah Marshall from Crime Scene. [laughs] People are excited that she's here.
Peter Bretter She's my ex-girlfriend. We broke up three weeks ago.
Oh. I'm sorry, sir.
Peter Bretter Okay, like, this is fine, right?
Sir?
Peter Bretter It's totally fine. [looks over his shoulder and sees Sarah entering the lobby] Okay, there she is. Did she see me?
Uh-huh.
Peter Bretter Is she coming over here?
Yup.
Peter Bretter I wish I wasn't wearing this **** shirt.
Fair enough. Why don't you try unbuttoning it? [Peter opens the top two buttons of the shirt and looks at her for approval] Button it back up.
Peter?
Peter Bretter Hey. Hi.
What are you doing here?
Peter Bretter I came here to murder you. [chuckles hysterically]
Really, what are you doing here?
I have been having a tough time, you know, back in L.A. Uh, but then, I came here, and here you are. I just think that's too crazy to...
Hey there, little sex object! [slaps Sarah's rear and kisses her forehead, catching her off-guard] I've lost a shoe [holds up a black flip-flop] Have you seen it anywhere? It's like this one, but obviously it's, um opposite of um, excuse me, Misses? [to Rachel] I've lost a shoe. It's like this one. It's like, this one's fellow. Sort of like the exact opposite of this one, in fact.
Uh-huh?
Not like, an evil version, but just, you know, a shoe, like this, but for the other foot, otherwise I'd have to...
Aldous, this is Peter.
Hey! Alright, Peter! Nice to meet you, mate. [shakes hands with Peter and shoulder-bumps him] Aldous. Good to meet you, man.
My ex-boyfriend.
Oh, right! Hey, I'm Aldous Snow.
Peter Bretter I know who you are. Yeah, you're very, very famous.
Yeah, I am, I am... for my sins. So, are you, um, staying here as well?
Peter Bretter I'm not, as a matter...
I'm sorry. Excuse me, Mr. Bretter, Ms. Marshall. [to Peter] But, we were, um, able to book the Kapua suite for you, sir, for four nights.
Peter Bretter You were?
Peter Bretter Marvelous!
Perfect! Perfect amount of time. Listen, if you want to have dinner with us one of those nights, you're very...
Aldous!
Peter Bretter No. No, that's very gentlemanly of you, but, uh, you two enjoy your trip, and, uh, I'll be just fine on my own in my Kapua Suite.
Alright, Peter.
Have a good trip, Pete.
I like your shirt. It's colorful. [he and Sarah walk away] Bye, ta-ta! [to Sarah] I was wearing two shoes this morning, wasn't I?
Peter Bretter Bye, now. [to Rachel] Thank you. Thank you for bailing me out like that, but I still can't afford that room.
Nobody can. It's for, like, Oprah, or like, Celine Dion. Really, it's not a big deal. So, you can stay in the suite, but since you're not technically a guest, you have to clean up after yourself. [hands him a key] Otherwise, here is your room key, and enjoy your stay!
Peter Bretter Why are you doing this for me?
She's here with some guy already? Kind of messed up.
Peter Bretter Yeah, right?! Thank you.
Really, it's not a big deal. Go, go enjoy yourself!
Peter Bretter Rachel...
Jansen.
Peter Bretter Jansen. I mean, a thousand times, thank you! You know what I mean? I...
Go. Go enjoy yourself!
Peter Bretter Hello?
Peter?
Peter Bretter Sarah?
No, it's Rachel Jansen, from the front desk.
Peter Bretter Hey.
Hey, what's going on up there? I'm getting complaints about a woman, crying hysterically?
Peter Bretter Yeah, you know what, and I hear her too, and it sounds like she's having such a hard time. [his voice begins to break again] I think it's coming from the floor above me.
You're on the top floor.
Peter Bretter I'll try and keep it down.
Are you okay?
Peter Bretter Yeah, you have a nice night.
Okay. [she hangs up. Cut to Peter curled up on his floor, sobbing just as loudly.]
Well, I would love to sell you some weed, Jeremy, but I'm at my **** job right now. Obviously, because you called me at work, you know that I'm at my place of work. So, I can't just leave here and sell you some weed. I can sell you some weed when I'm done. [notices Peter approaching] Hold on, I gotta call you back. Mahalo, all right! Hey, how's it going?
Peter Bretter Hey. Uh, I'd just like to grab some dinner, please.
Okay, great. Is your wife gonna meet you?
Peter Bretter No.
Or, your girlfriend?
Peter Bretter No. I don't, uh, I don't have a girlfriend.
You're just... by yourself?
Peter Bretter Yeah.
Man, that sucks. Okay, so just one! Here's your wine list and your menu. Come on. [leads him to his table] Do you want. like, a magazine or something? It's gonna be boring if you're just sitting all by yourself.
Peter Bretter I'll be all right, thank you.
I just would be so depressed.
Where's your wife, sir?
She is in bed.
How are things going with the lady?
Not awesome. She's complicated- like The Da Vinci Code, you know, but- harder to... crack. But life is full of lessons, you learn something new every day, so... [pause] wonder what I'm going to learn... tomorrow? Well! Good night!
Good night, sir.
Peter Bretter Night, sir.
Off to find the mythical clitoris!
So! [Peter snickers into his drink] Peter, were you able to get that crying lady out of your room? 'Cause, I could send someone up, if you want.
Peter Bretter Oh, you could?
Yeah.
Peter Bretter That's very funny. It is.
Well, listen. The Sarah Marshall Show sucks. Who cares?
Peter Bretter I do the music for that program. [awkward pause]
Well, did I mention that the music rocks?
Peter Bretter That's very sweet of you. That's very sweet of you to say. You don't have to say that, though. It's not music. There's no melody, it's just tones. Just dark, ominous tones. [mimics a line from the show] "The Masturbating Dog-Killer is on the loose again! He'll kill the owner, but at least the dogs are happy!" [imitates one of his 'tones' and he and Rachel both laugh]
It looks like you got a little pain behind those eyes.
Peter Bretter Yeah, maybe a little.
There's really only one cure for that.
Peter Bretter Yeah, what's that?
Weed. You got any?
Peter Bretter No.
Oh. Well then let's go surfin'!
Wow, we’re really going up to the edge of this, huh?
Peter Bretter Look.
Wow, this is really beautiful. All right, so now that your show’s done, are you gonna finish the Dracula musical?
Peter Bretter It’s not that was, you know. Sarah always thought it was crazy and...
Well, you're definitely crazy. But so is everyone, right? So who cares?
Peter Bretter I just don't feel like doing anything.
Why?
Peter Bretter 'Cause my heart is broken, and I can't imagine doing anything right now. It's probably the same reason... you don't go back to school, you know? Maybe it's good we got hurt like that, you know? don't know about you, but it makes me feel impervious to pain.
Yeah. Kind of like there's nothing left to be afraid of.
Peter Bretter Yeah. No, exactly.
Right.
Peter Bretter We could leap off this rock, and it won't hurt us as had as they did.
So, jump then.
Peter Bretter No, I meant that, like as a metaphor, you know?
No. Just do it. You’ll be fine. Jump.
Peter Bretter Oh, god. Oh god. I made her kill yourself. You must be crazy.
So, are you gonna jump, or what.
Peter Bretter No.
Come on, Peter! I can see vagina from here. I can see hoo-ha.
Peter Bretter I mean, I'll jump!
Chicken, come on.
Peter Bretter So what should I do? I should just let go?
No, no, no, no, no. If you fall straight down, you'll probably hit a rock and kill yourself!
Peter Bretter Totally. So what do I do?!
Why don't you just press your feet up against the rock, and like, shoot yourself off!
Peter Bretter What, like a frog?!
I don't know, Peter- just get off the **** rock!
Peter Bretter Here I go! One! [pause]
Two!
Peter Bretter Two! [pause] Two and a half-
Jump!
Peter Bretter Three! [jumps, falls awkwardly, but safely, into the sea near Rachel]
Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god. You saw right?
Peter Bretter Yeah, yeah, yeah, I saw it.
I was there I witnessed it.
Peter Bretter Thanks.
[She kisses him]
So... just so we're clear, and so that I can kinda hone in on your, your central thesis of the night, wade through all the bullshit, you're telling me you think you have the right to just **** anyone, anywhere, anytime? That's what you're saying?
Yes! That's right, there it is! Not so eloquently as you just put it, sweetheart, but... [spills his cranberry juice over the Tommy Bahama shirt Sarah bought him, and doesn't notice] Ultimately, that is... [notices the spill and laughs] Oh, no! Not the shirt! [laughing] Take my eyes, but not the shirt! Mmm, yeah, that's pretty much what I believe, Sarah.
When you're done making jokes, are you gonna get a napkin?!
D'you know what, I think I've improved it, actually! Against all odds, I think I deserve a design award!
Um, garcon, could we get some... [Matthew rushes over and tries vigorously to clean off Aldous' shirt, while Aldous tries to fend him off; Rachel laughs]
I saw it from farther away. Okay, just lean back for a sec. Let me...
No, it's all right, it's not there. You're very diligent, and I appreciate it, but, let go of the glass now, you're gonna have to walk away, bless you. [Matthew reluctantly backs off as a waitress brings dessert]
Oh, good! [they both laugh; Rachel feeds Peter some of her dessert.]
Peter Bretter I love Hawaii.
Yeah, it's nice, but I think, for like a week, tops. Any more than that, and I know I'd go crazy, because I think that Hawaii is a place to escape for people who can't deal with the real world.
Yeah, you know, there's so few personal shoppers and pet therapists. Gosh, it's such a hard life. [she feeds Peter another bite of dessert, then grabs his face and kisses him.] I like living here.
What's wrong with you?
Peter Bretter Nothing is wrong with me, okay? I just don't feel right.
Okay, okay! I didn't mean... well, you know what? Did you drink today? Because, sometimes when you drink...
Peter Bretter Excuse me. No, I haven't had anything to drink today. Maybe the problem is that you broke my heart into a million pieces and so, my **** doesn't want to be around you anymore, Okay?! EVER! 'Cause you know what I just realized, huh? You're the goddamn Devil! [walks past a wedding service on the lawn] Oh, yeah, wedding in Hawaii. Real original!
Listen to me, Peter. I was a mess, too. I understand that, okay? But it does not excuse you acting like a complete asshole!
Peter Bretter Rachel, look, I know that I **** things up for a minute, but I am not like every other asshole!
You should not be with anybody, right now. Anybody.
Peter Bretter I know... I know that there is something here. I know I wasn't wrong about that. And yes, it's only been four days, but I know you feel it, too.
I need you to leave. Do not write me, do not call me, do not email me. Peter, I need you to go.
Peter Bretter I won't bother you anymore...I'm sorry.
Peter Bretter Wow! You came... I- I can't believe that you came.
Peter, this is... this is great. It was really funny, yeah.
Peter Bretter Thank you. You know what? I didn't realize that it was a comedy and then, someone told me that, and it just, like opened the whole thing up! [they laugh, then there is an awkward pause] How long are you in town for?
Open-ended.
Peter Bretter Oh! Wow. Bold.
Peter Bretter Congratulations.
Yeah, maybe. [pause You never called.
Peter Bretter You told me not to... and I listened. [pause] Wasn't easy...I might have called once and hung up, from a private number. [he and Rachel laugh]
Peter Bretter I was just calling you. [holds up his phone; after a moment, Rachel bursts out laughing] Um... wow.
Oh, Peter! [keeps laughing; Peter grins sheepishly]) I'm sorry. [she keeps laughing]
Peter Bretter Stop laughing. Can, can you please stop laughing?
I missed you. [walks towards him]
Peter Bretter Um, I just wanted to tell you, I've been thinking a lot about... [Rachel cuts him off with a passionate kiss]
