George Clooney movie quotes

View Quote Cause the house always wins. You play long enough, never change the stakes, the house takes you. Unless, when that perfect hand comes along, you bet big, and then you take the house.

View Quote [to Rusty] Ten oughta do it, don't you think? [Rusty says nothing] You think we need one more? [Rusty still says nothing] You think we need one more. [Yet again, Rusty says nothing] Okay, we'll get one more.

View Quote You're either in or you're out. Right now.

View Quote So what are you, Jacob? A faithless preacher? Or a mean mother****in' servant of God?

View Quote And if there is a hell, and those sons of bitches are from it, then there has got to be a heaven... Jacob, there's gotta be.

View Quote Let me explain the house rules. Follow the rules, we'll get along like a house on fire. Rule number one: No noise, no question. You make a noise... [holds up gun] Mr. .44 makes a noise. You ask a question, Mr. 44 answers it.

View Quote You shook Sinatra's hand. You should know better, Willy.

View Quote [to Rusty before leaving] You should settle down. Have a couple of kids.

View Quote Terry Benedict: Think he's gonna fall for this?
Danny Ocean: You did. You ready?
Terry Benedict: I was born ready.
Danny Ocean: [rolls his eyes]

View Quote Say, any of you boys smithies? Or, if not smithies per se, were you otherwise trained in the metallurgic arts before straitened circumstances forced you into a life of aimless wanderin'?

View Quote Well, any human being will cast about in a moment of stress. No, the fact is, they're flooding this valley so they can hydroelectric up the whole durn state. Yessir, the South is gonna change. Everything's gonna be put on electricity and run on a paying basis. Out with old spiritual mumbo-jumbo, the superstition and the backward ways. We're gonna see a brave new world where they run everyone a wire and hook us all up to the grid. Yessir, a veritable age of reason - like they had in France. And not a moment too soon...

View Quote General Store Clerk: I can get the part from Bristol. It'll take two weeks. Here's your pomade.
Everett: Two weeks? That don't do me no good.
Clerk: Nearest Ford auto man's Bristol.
Everett: Hold on, now. I don't want this pomade. I want Dapper Dan.
Clerk: I don't carry Dapper Dan, I carry Fop.
Everett: Well, I don't want Fop, goddammit. I'm a Dapper Dan man!
Clerk: Watch your language, young fella. This is a public market. Now, if you want Dapper Dan, I can order it for you, have it in a couple of weeks.
Everett: Well ain't this place a geographical oddity! Two weeks from everywhere! Forget it! [slams money on the counter] Just a dozen hair nets.

View Quote Tonight most people will be welcomed home by jumping dogs and squealing kids. Their spouses will ask about their day, and tonight they'll sleep. The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places; and one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip passing over.

View Quote [in his seminar] Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it's because they sat there that they were able to do it.

View Quote All the things you probably hate about traveling – the recycled air, the artificial lighting, the digital juice dispensers, the cheap sushi – are warm reminders that I’m home.

View Quote Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.

View Quote Sorry. I'm not omniscient.

View Quote Let the record show that the Baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!

View Quote Houston, in the blind, this is Kowalski. Dr. Stone and I have determined to proceed to ISS and use one of their Soyuz for reentry. ISS, if you hear us... we could sure use a rescue mission.

View Quote [On how to use a reentry module to get back to Earth] You point the damned thing at Earth. It's not rocket science.

View Quote [holding on Dr. Stone] I know, you never realized how devastatingly good-looking I am, but I need you to stop staring and help me with the tether. Okay?

View Quote I don't want my daughters growing up entitled and spoiled... but I agree with my father; you give your children enough money to do something but not enough to do nothing.

View Quote [to Elizabeth] Goodbye, Elizabeth. Goodbye, my love, my friend, my pain, my joy. Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye.

View Quote [voiceover] Paradise? Paradise can go **** itself.

View Quote There's no news, boys, so go out there and make some news. Rob a bank, mug an old lady, whatever - just do something.

View Quote Turn the phones on!

View Quote Might as well go down swinging.

View Quote Robin: I can't believe we were fighting over a bad guy!
Batman: Bad? Yes. Guy? No.
Robin: Well I'm totally over her, alright? Positively!
Batman: Me too! Definitely! [pause] Great stems, though...
Robin: Buds, too.
Batman: Yeah, those were nice...

View Quote Poison Ivy: There's just something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girl's lips.
Batman: Why is it that all the beautiful ones are homicidal maniacs? Is it me?

View Quote [Robin has entered Ivy's lair after she calls him there and meets her in the center]
Poison Ivy: Hi there.
Robin: [Walking towards her] Is your thumb the only part of you that's green?
Poison Ivy: You will just have to find out.
Robin: I want us to be together, but I want to make sure you're serious about turning over a new leaf. [lays next to her on her throne] I need a sign.
Poison Ivy: How about "slippery when wet"?
Robin: Of trust. Tell me your plan.
Poison Ivy: Kiss me and I'll tell you.
Robin: Tell me and I'll kiss you.
Poison Ivy: Freeze has taken the new telescope and turned it into a giant freezing gun. He's about to turn Gotham into an ice cube.
Robin: [Turns to leave] I've got to stop him.
Poison Ivy: [Grabs Robin's shoulders and turns him to face her] One kiss...my love...[whispers] for luck.
[Ivy places a hand on Robin's face and they both lean in, Ivy having an evil smirk, and the two share a passionate kiss]
Poison Ivy: [In mock sadness] Bad luck I'm afraid. Time to die little robin.
Robin: I hate to disappoint you, but...[peels rubber off his lips and Ivy stares in shock] rubber lips are immune to your charms.
[Ivy glares at Robin before leaping forward and shoving him off her throne, into the pond]
Robin: Wahh! [Becomes tangled up in vines that try to drown him]
Poison Ivy: [Leaps from her throne and waves at Robin as she walks off] See ya!
[Ivy walks away. Suddenly, Batman halts Poison Ivy]
Batman: You're not the only one who can set a trap, Venus.
Poison Ivy: Sorry. My vines have a "crush" on you.
[Ivy's vines tangle Batman and pull him up to the ceiling]
Poison Ivy: [Evil Laughing] Gotta go. So many people to kill, so little time!
[Ivy walks away again. Suddenly, Batgirl crashes the sunlight and is ready to fight.]
Batgirl: You're about to become compost.
[Batgirl starts fighting Poison Ivy]
Batgirl: Using feminine wiles to get what you want? Trading on your looks? Read a book, sister. That passive-aggressive number went out long ago. You give women a bad name.
[Batgirl continues fighting Poison Ivy, while fighting, Robin tries to get the vines out, then still vines stuck him. Batman release the vines. Poison Ivy has vines on Batgirl's foot]
Poison Ivy: As I told Lady Freeze when I pulled her plug, this is a one woman show.
Batgirl: I don't think so.
[Batgirl continues fighting Poison Ivy, Poison Ivy got the knife, Batgirl aims her. Poison Ivy tries to stab her, Batgirl kicks the knife off her. Kicks again. And finally she pushed her to the ground.]
Poison Ivy: CURSES!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

View Quote Julia: Where the hell is my military liason?
Thomas: Colonel Thomas Devoe reporting as ordered, ma'am. I'm sorry about in there. Sometimes, my enthusiasm gets the better of me.
Julia: No problem. Would you like some coffee?
Thomas: I'd love some.
Julia: It's over there.

View Quote Thomas: I'd like to know something. You moved from Lawrence Livermore to the White House. So, first you build the bombs to blow up the entire world, and now you want to save it. Make up your mind: which is it going to be?
Julia: Well, I believe this week we're saving it.

View Quote Ken: Colonel, the guy you bagged is Dr. Amir Teraki, Pakistani. PhD in Astrophysics, educated at Harvard.
Thomas: That's right, people. We educated half the world's terrorists.

View Quote You're my meal ticket, Marty. If you leave, it's just me and Barry in a room and I'm trying to explain what the hell it is I do around here.

View Quote I'm not the guy you kill, I'm the guy you buy! Are you so **** blind that you don't even see what I am? I sold out Arthur for 80 grand. I'm your easiest problem and you're gonna kill me?

View Quote Do I look like I'm negotiating?

View Quote Karen Sisco: You think I'll shoot you?
Jack Foley: If you don't someone else will.
Karen Sisco: Put the gun down.
Jack Foley: I'm not going back.
Karen Sisco: Jack please don't make me do this. Put the gun down.
Jack Foley: No more timeouts.

View Quote Karen Sisco: [at the hotel bar] So tell me, Gary, what do you do for a living?
Jack Foley: How far do you want to go with this?
Karen Sisco: Not yet. Don't say anything yet.
Jack Foley: I don't think it works if we're somebody else. I mean, Gary and Celeste, what do they know about anything?
Karen Sisco: Well, this is your game, I've never played before.
Jack Foley: It's not a game. It's not something you play.
Karen Sisco: Well, does this make any sense to you?
Jack Foley: It doesn't have to. It's something that happens. It's like seeing someone for the first time... like you could be passing on the street, and you look at each other and for a few seconds... there's this kind of a recognition... like you both know something. The next moment, the person's gone, and it's too late to do anything about it. And you always remember it, because it was there, and you let it go, and you think to yourself, "What if I had stopped? If I had said something?"
Jack Foley: "What if, what if?" And it may only happen a few times in your life.
Jack Foley: Or once.
Karen Sisco: Or once. [pause] How'd you find me?
Jack Foley: Uh...Called your room from downstairs.
Karen Sisco: Oh. And if I had answered, what were you gonna say?
Jack Foley: I would say who I was, and do you remember me, and want to meet for a drink?
Karen Sisco: If I remembered you. I came here looking for you. All right, so then I would have said yes, but for all you know, I could have had a SWAT team waiting for you... why would you trust me?
Jack Foley: It'd be worth the risk.
Karen Sisco: You like taking risks.
Jack Foley: So do you.

View Quote Jack Foley: [in the prison library] Hey! Sign says "shut the **** up," or can't you fellas read? [points to a sign that says "Quiet Please"]
Maurice "Snoopy" Miller: The **** you talkin' to man? You got a problem over there, Foley?
Jack Foley: Yeah, I got a problem: this is the dumbest ****in' shakedown in the history of dumb shakedowns. Five hundred bucks for a pillow?
...
Jack Foley: If you're smart, Ripley, you'll tell this guy to **** off.
Richard Ripley: Really?
[Maurice gives him a threatening stare]
Richard Ripley: Well, I - I - I don't know.
Jack Foley: First of all, if he kills you, then he's gonna get nothin'.
Maurice "Snoopy" Miller: Well, uh, the man don't just have to die, Foley. I mean, he could accidentally hurt himself falling down on something real hard, you know. Like a shiv, or my dick.
Richard Ripley: [whispers to Foley] I'll pay. I'll pay it. Don't worry.
Jack Foley: If he falls on anything, Snoop, then they're transfer his ass outta here faster than you can throw a fight, and you're still gonna get nothin'.
Maurice "Snoopy" Miller: You know, last time I checked, man, this shit over here ain't got nothin' to do with you, Foley. Why don't you go outside man? Smoke a cigarette or some shit?

View Quote You're 32 years old, and you've achieved nothing. Jesus Christ was dead and alive again by 33. You better get crackin'.

View Quote Think of it as a hobby. Something you do to relax. You're an "assassination enthusiast."

View Quote Chuck Barris: [after Byrd tells Chuck to kill the unknown "mole"] Hey, I got an idea. If you aren't so bad... why don't you do it? Why don't you kill the mole? You got a problem with killing, Jim?
Jim Byrd: I just don't fit the profile.
Chuck Barris: What **** profile? There is no **** profile.
Jim Byrd: Okay, there's no profile.
Chuck Barris: There's no profile.
Jim Byrd: Okay. Let's see. Well, you had a twin sister, stillborn, strangled by your umbilical cord. Your first hit, Chuck. Your mother always wanted a daughter. She blamed you for your sister's death. And, so, until your sister Phoebe was born, she raised you as a girl. Oh, and your father the dentist? Not really your father. Your biological father was a man named Edmund James Windsor. A serial killer. A fact your mother didn't know when she had an affair with him in 1930. If you want to look him up, he was also known as the Tarrytown Troll, because he had been described by witnesses as short and ugly. Windsor died in the electrical chair at Ossining in 1939. We believed your self-loathing tendencies coupled with that extra Y chromosome and whatever else you inherited from your father would serve us well. I'm trying to think what more I can tell you, but you have me at a disadvantage here, Barris. I don't have your files in front of me.

View Quote [panicking, after having reflexively shot Chad in the head] Oh, my ****! I shot a **** spook! Who the **** are you, you ****er?!

View Quote Harry: [Leading Linda downstairs] Yeah, I tell ya. I saw an ad for this in a gentlemen's magazine. Twelve hundred bucks, TWELVE HUNDRED BUCKS. I'm lookin' at this thing and I think, "You gotta be kiddin' me." I'm a hobbyist. Thing's basically nothing but speed rails. I figure I'd go down to Home Depot and whip this up myself for... a hundred bucks. [Pulls the tarp off the machine]
Linda:...What is it?
Harry: What is it?? [Points to the chair] You sit down there, make yourself comfortable, put your feet in the stirrups, and...
[Harry pushes the chair back, and when it comes forward, a dildo pushes up through a hole in the seat of the chair. The chair continues to rock back and forth, with the dildo going up and down]
Linda: Oh my God!...[Hushed voice] THAT'S FANTASTIC.
Harry: Something, isn't it? Hundred bucks, all in; not counting the labor and...the cost of the dildo -those things aren't cheap- See, I like to...I'm not set up to mold hard rubber.

View Quote Harry: Is this goat cheese?
Osbourne: Chevre, yes, that is a goat cheese.
Harry: Because I have lactose reflux. I can—
Osbourne: You're lactose intolerant? Or you have acid reflux? They're two different things.
Harry: I know what they are.
Osbourne: Then you misspoke.
Harry: [sarcastic] Well thank you for correcting me.
Katie: [walking up] Try the chevre, Harry, it's very good.
Harry: Oh, yeah, I can eat goat cheese.

View Quote I want you to take him from his hotel, drug him, put him in the front of a car, and run a truck into it at 50 mph.

View Quote Dean Whiting: In this town, you're innocent until you're investigated.
Bob Barnes: Innocent until investigated? That's nice. It's got a nice ring to it. Bet you've worn some miles on old sayings like that. Gives the listener the sense of the law being written as it's spoken.

View Quote If anything happens to me or my family, an accident, an accusation, anything, then first your son will disappear, his body will never be found. Then your wife. Her body will never be found either. This is guaranteed. Then, whatever is the most dangerous thing you do in your life, it might be flying in a small plane, it might be walking to the bank, you will be killed. Do you understand what I'm saying? I want you to acknowledge that you do understand so that we're clear and there won't be any mistakes.

View Quote Bobby Shatford: I got a woman who I can't stand to be two feet away from.
Captain Billy Tyne: Congratulations.
Bobby Shatford: Then again, I love to fish.
Captain Billy Tyne: Son, you've got a problem.

View Quote Bobby Shatford: So, what are you so happy about?
Captain Billy Tyne: You just caught me on a good night. I'm doing what I was made to do - and I've got a feeling I'm going to do it even better this time.

View Quote The fog's just lifting. Throw off your bow line, throw off your stern. You head out to South channel, past Rocky Neck, Ten pound island. Past Niles Pond where I skated as a kid. Blow your airhorn and throw a wave to the lighthouse keeper's kid on Thatcher Island. Then the birds show up, black backs, herring gulls, big dump ducks and green legged coots. The sun hit ya , head North, open up to 12, steamin' now. The guys are busy, you're in charge. Ya know what? You're a goddam swordboat captain! Is there any thing better in the world?

View Quote Hey, Hobie. You're a Communist, too?

View Quote That's what happened to me when I went to Reno with Danny Kaye and he asked me to shave his back. Exact same thing. Because, I'm thinkin', who benefits? So, let me tell ya, everybody thinks that Danny's a jerk, he's not really a jerk. That's just a theory generating its own anti-theory. Anyway, there we were, it's me and Danny and I'm wondering what the hell am I doin' with a razor in my hand? And he says it's for a Norman Taurog picture. But, Judy Canova's there and she knows Norman and she says, "Danny's not doing a Norman Taurog picture! He just wants you to shave his back!" And that's who benefits!

View Quote Baird Whitlock: These guys are pretty interesting, though. They've actually figured out the laws that dictate - everything! History! Sociology! Politics! Morality! Everything! It's all in a book called Capital - with a "K".
Eddie Mannix: Is that right?
Baird Whitlock: Yeah. You're not going to believe this. These guys even figured out what's going on here at the Studio. Because the Studio is nothing more than an instrument of capitalism. Yeah, so we blindly follow these laws like any any other institution. Laws that these guys figured out. The Studio makes pictures to serve the System. That is its function! That's really what we're up to here.
Eddie Mannix: Is it?
Baird Whitlock: Yeah. It's just confirming what they call - the status quo. I mean, we may tell ourselves that we're creating something of artistic value or there's some sort of spiritual dimension to the picture business. But, what it really is, is this fat cat, Nick Skank, out in New York, running this factory, serving up these lollipops to the - what they used to call the bread and circuses for the...
Eddie Mannix: [Grabs Baird and slaps him] Now, you listen to me, buster. Nick Skank and the Studio have been good to you and to everyone else who works here. If I ever hear you bad mouthing Mr. Skank again, it'll be the last thing you say before I have you tossed in jail for colluding in your own abduction.
Baird Whitlock: Eddie, I wouldn't, I would never do that!
Eddie Mannix: [Slaps Baird some more] Shut up! You're gonna go out there and you're going to finish "Hail Caesar!" You're gonna give that speech at the feet of the penitent thief and you're gonna believe every word you say. [slaps Baird some more] You're going to do it because you're an actor and that's what you do. Just like the director does what he does and the writer and the script girl and the guy who claps the slate. You're gonna do it because the picture has worth! And you have worth if you serve the picture and you're never gonna forget that again.
Baird Whitlock: I won't forget, Eddie.
Eddie Mannix: Damn right, you won't. Not as long as I run this dump.

View Quote [watching "Happy Days" dubbed in Italian] That guy doing Potsie is unbelievable.

View Quote If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en would fall on the same date.

View Quote Linus Caldwell: Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
Rusty Ryan: If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell: Okay, can I ask you...
Rusty Ryan: Yes.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Rusty Ryan: Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.
Linus Caldwell: Wait, why not?
Rusty Ryan: Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
[walks off]
Linus Caldwell: Oooooooooo.
Terry Benedict: I have a message for Robert Charles Ryan, soon to be the ex-owner of the Standard Hotel.
Rusty Ryan: You got him.
Terry Benedict: The last we spoke, you hung up on me.
Rusty Ryan: You used nasty words. I got sensitive ears
Topher Grace: Jesus Christ! Are you people ****?! It says "Do not disturb"!
Rusty Ryan: It's me.
Tess Ocean: You're doing recon work on our anniversary?
Danny Ocean: Tess...
Danny Ocean: Do I look 50 to you?
Basher Tarr: Yeah.
Danny Ocean: Really?
Basher Tarr: Well, I mean, you know, only from the neck up.
Turk Malloy: It's ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue we're dealing with here. Not to mention we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We don't know.
Virgil Malloy: We got a bag man.
Turk Malloy: Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.
Virgil Malloy: I have feelings.
Turk Malloy: No, you don't.
Virgil Malloy: Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. He's a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, he's got air. What did you want them to do?
Turk Malloy: Oh my God, they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.
Virgil Malloy: Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?
Danny Ocean: Rusty's not 50 years old.
Turk Malloy: Yeah dude, we know Rusty's not 50.
Danny Ocean: You think I'm 50 years old? Let me ask you something... [to Virgil] no, let me ask you something: how old do you think I am?
Virgil Malloy: 48?
Danny Ocean: You think I'm 48 years old?
Virgil Malloy: 52?
[Danny walks off]
Linus Caldwell: What did I say?
Danny Ocean: You called his niece a whore.
Linus Caldwell: What?!?
Rusty Ryan: A very cheap one.
Danny Ocean: She's seven.
Rusty Ryan: Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...
Danny Ocean: No, don't tell him that.
Rusty Ryan: I'm sorry.
Turk Malloy: Hell in a hand-basket?
Linus Caldwell: No, we... can't train a cat that quickly. And...
Turk Malloy, Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr: [together] Not enough people!
Virgil Malloy: Doesn't this guy believe in fresh air?
Rusty Ryan: He opens the second floor window every now and then.
Virgil Malloy: What does that mean?
Rusty Ryan: It means he opens the second floor window every now and then.
Danny Ocean: What are you doing?
Rusty Ryan: Sleeping. Why are you dressed?
Danny Ocean: It's 5:30, day of. Gotta go, let's go!
Rusty Ryan: It's 11:30. The night before.
Danny Ocean: Oh.. But..
Danny Ocean: [realizes he was given a prank wake-up call by Toulour]
Danny Ocean: Oh.
Rusty Ryan: Oh! Oh he's mean. He's just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos did you have?
Danny Ocean: Five.
Linus Caldwell: So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!
Basher Tarr: A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell: Yeah!
Basher Tarr: You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
[looking at Turk]
Basher Tarr: He's mad. It's madness.
Turk Malloy: Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell: No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr: You might be right. Make the call.
Molly Star: I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? I'm really proud of you.
Linus Caldwell: Thanks.
Molly Star: We both are.
Linus Caldwell: [pauses and looks at Star]
Linus Caldwell: [revealing that Molly Star is actually Mrs. Caldwell, his mother] You told Dad? You told Dad?
Molly Star: I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.
Linus Caldwell: [shaking his head, looks away from his mom]
Molly Star: [smiling] I'm sorry.
Linus Caldwell: Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
Reuben Tishkoff: If, God forbid, anything does happen to you, we will not be involved.
Terry Benedict: You better not be, Reuben. You better not be.

View Quote Bush told the people to rise up against Saddam. They thought they'd have our support. They don't. Now they're getting slaughtered.

View Quote Archie Gates: Good afternoon. Would this be the proctology tent?
Chief Elgin: No, sir.
Gates: Maybe it's the urology tent. Or the neurology tent. Or the ear nose and throat tent.
Troy Barlow: Captain's at a staff meeting, sir.
Gates: Captain a proctologist?
Conrad Vig: What's a proctologist, sir?

View Quote Amir Abdullah: You know what I think? You're stealing gold, that's what I think. We're fighting Saddam and dying, and you're stealing gold.
Archie Gates: You're wrong.
Abdullah: They have half a million men in the desert and they send four guys to pick up all this bullion? I don't think so.