Most scenes together: Mr. Fox & Kylie (13), Ash & Kristofferson (8), Mr. Fox & Ash (7)
Psst. Psst. It's me. I'm rescuing you.
I've got mixed feelings about that.
I don't blame you. Can you give me a karate lesson real quick?
Okay. Stand like this. Position yourself on the balls of your feet. Close your eyes. You weigh less than a slice of bread.
Coach Skip Let's see some hustle!
Coach, we don't have whack-bat where I'm from. What are the rules?
Coach Skip There's no whack-bat on the other side of the river?
No, we mostly just, uh, run grass sprints or play acorns.
Coach Skip Huh. Well, it's real simple. Basically, there's three grabbers, three taggers, five twig runners, and the player at whack-bat. Center tagger lights a pine cone, chucks it over the basket, and the whack-batter tries to hit the cedar stick off the cross rock. Then the twig runners dash back and forth until the pine cone burns out and the umpire calls "hotbox". Finally at the end, you count up however many score-downs it adds up to and divide that by nine.
Got it.
Coach Skip Go in for Ash. Substitution! Ash, come out. You need a breather.
What, what? Come out? What? I still feel good, Coach. Let me finish this eighth.
Coach Skip No, no. Come on. Step out. Step out. Let's go.
Coach Skip Well, you're sure as cuss not getting any worse.
Really? You mean you I can end up being as good as my dad if I keep practicing?
Coach Skip Your dad? Your dad was probably the best whack-bat player we ever had in this school. [points to the scoreboard showing Mr. Fox's name as Most Valuable Player of the year for four years] No, you don't wanna have to compare yourself to that.
No, but I think I have some of the same raw natural talent, don't you?
Coach Skip You're improving. Let's put it like that.
Do you mind if I slide my bedroll slightly out from under the train set? It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position.
There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one. [goes back to reading his book]
No, it's only just that my spinal-cord...
Sleep, wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed. I'll just, uh...I'll crawl under the bookcase. [goes back to reading his book again] Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?
Never mind...
Oh, are you gonna pout about it? Because I've had it up to HERE with the "sad houseguest" routine! [he glares at Kristofferson, turns off the light, then continues reading once more with the nightlight on]
Good night. [pulls out the mat under Ash's train set, lays down under the table and eventually starts crying. Ash notices this as he shines his flashlight on Kristofferson, then climbs down, turns the train set on with music playing, then Kristofferson notices this and they both watch the train go around and around the track]
Your tractors uprooted my tree, your posse hunted my family, your gunman kidnapped my nephew, your rat insulted my wife, and and YOU shot off my tail! [clenches through his teeth] I'm not leaving here without that necktie.
KILL HIM!
Actually, we should just go. Where did I park?
I thought he said, "Never look a beagle in the eye."
I used to do this professionally, and I was very successful at it. I had to get out of it for personal reasons, but I've decided to secretly do one last big job on the sly. I'm bringing you in as my secretary and personal assistant.
Okay!
This is actually kind of a big deal, so don't just say, "Okay!".
Okay. Well, thank you.
I'm going to tape this for my records, so don't make a lot of sounds. Meaning, stop rocking.
Master plan, phase one, side "A". We'll start with Boggis's chicken house number one. His only security is a few old hunting beagles and a low stone wall. Now, a word about beagles. Never look a beagle directly in the eye. And if--
Why not? Beagles aren't so tough.
Yeah? Well, first of all, one of these beagles has chronic rabies, which he's on medication for, and if you get bit by him, you have to get shots in your stomach for six months, and second-- Listen, I'm not going to justify this. You just pay attention and stop interrupting me. I'm taping this. I pick some blueberries and lace each one with ten milligrams of high potency sleeping powder, enough to tranquilize a gorilla.
How do we make them eat it?
Beagles love blueberries. Remember, they aren't very smart, but they're incredibly paranoid, so always kill a chicken in one bite. One bite. Get it? [Kylie looks zoned out] Are you listening to me? I look into your eyes, and I can't tell whether you're getting anything I'm saying.
In a way, I'm almost glad that flood interrupted us because I don't like the toast I was giving. I'm gonna start over. [pause] When I look down this table, with the exquisite feast set before us, I see: two terrific lawyers, a skilled pediatrician, a wonderful chef, a savvy real estate agent, an excellent tailor, a crack accountant, a gifted musician, pretty good minnow fisherman, and possibly the best landscape painter working on the scene today. Maybe a few of you might even read my column from time to time, Who knows? I tend to doubt it. [pause] I also see a room full of wild animals. Wild animals, with true natures and pure talents. Wild animals with scientific-sounding Latin names that mean something about our DNA. Wild animals each with his own strengths and weaknesses due to his or her species. Anyway, I think it may very well be all the beautiful differences among us that might just give us the tiniest glimmer of a chance of saving my nephew, and letting me make it up to you for getting us into this, this crazy... whatever it is. I don't know. It's just a thought. Thank you for listening. Cheers, everyone.
Let's eat! [everyone stares at Kylie] What? I was just playin' along with the bit he was doing...
What just happened? Something with cider. That was dangerous. Is anyone hurt?
Apple juice. Apple juice flood.
Let's do a head count. Everybody pick a buddy. Where'd the boys go? Ash?
Ash?!
Kristofferson?! Ash?!
Kristofferson.
Where is he?
I lost him.
You lost him?!
Yeah, I lost him!
Where were you?!
I was in the kitchen! We were trying to find the necktie!
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
It's my fault.
Oh, no. [snatches a nutmeg ginger apple snap from Ash's hand] Where did you get that nutmeg ginger apple snap, [tosses it] and WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT FAKE BANDIT HAT?!
We went to steal back your tail.
Kristofferson!
Kristofferson! Kristofferson! Kristofferson! Kristofferson!
Wrap this wet, little mutt in the newspaper and put him in the box with some holes punched in the top.
Kylie, you got a credit card?
Sure. [gets his credit card out and hands it to Mr. Fox]
See, this is what I was saying about how good you are, just being available for... A titanium card? How the cuss did you qualify for this?
I pay my bills on time. I've always got good credit.
Ha. Ha. [whistles and clicks two times] Come on.
Wait. Wait a second. What's this thing you do, the whistle with the clicking sound?
What do you mean? That's my trademark. [whistles and clicks two times again]
Don't turn around!
Where'd he come from? [to the wolf] Where'd you come from?! What are you doing here?! [points to the wolf] Canis lupus! [points to himself] Vulpes vulpes! [to the others] I don't think he speaks English or Latin. [speaks French to the wolf] Pensez-vous que l'hiver sera rude? [to the others] I'm asking if he thinks we're in for a hard winter. [the wolf continues staring at them] He doesn't seem to know. [to the wolf] I have a phobia of wolves! [the wolf continues staring at them; Mr. Fox sheds a tear and then raise a fist in the air; the wolf does the same] What a beautiful creature. Wish him luck, boys.
Good luck to you.
Good luck, wolf.
Good luck out there.
[the wolf starts to walk away but gives them on last look before disappearing into the forest]
Give me a blueberry.
What?
A blueberry.
You didn't say anything...
You forgot the blueberries? I did say it. I wrote it on your paw.
Oh.
Yeah. It's written on the front of your paw.
Oh, yeah.
What's that white stuff around his mouth.
I think he eats soap.
Well, why does he have that bubbly...
He's rabid. With rabies. I've heard about this beagle. You two go ahead while I distract him.
You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I-I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.
We look good.
Yeah, we do.
Tails don't grow back.
Tails don't grow back?
Uh-uh. Except for lizards.
Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.
Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean, his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just...
Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.
You have got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology.
Me? Me have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's my bandit hat? Why didn't I get shot at? It's because, you... you... YOU THINK I'M NO GOOD AT ANYTHING!!! Well, maybe you're right, thanks. [stomps away angrily and closes door upon exit]
I can fit through there. Want to know why?
Why?
Because I'm little.
I'm here to rescue you.
...I've got mixed feelings about that.
I don't blame you.
