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Alex: [going through each others wallets] Oh, my God. I wasn't sure this actually existed. This is the American Airlines...
Ryan: It's a Concierge Key, yeah.
Alex: What is that, carbon fibre?
Ryan: Graphite.
Alex: Oh, I love the weight.
Ryan: I was pretty excited the day that bad boy came in.
Alex: I'll say. I put up pretty pedestrian numbers. 60 thousand a year, domestic.
Ryan: That's not bad.
Alex: Don't patronize me. What's your total?
Ryan: It's a personal question.
Alex: Please.
Ryan: And we hardly know each other.
Alex: Come on, show some hubris. Come on, impress me. I bet it's huge.
Ryan: You have no idea.
Alex: How big? What is it, this big? This big?
Ryan: I don't want to brag.
Alex: Oh, come on! Come on.
Ryan: Let's just say I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Alex: This is pretty ****ing sexy.
Ryan: Hope it doesn't cheapen our relationship.
Alex: We're two people who get turned on by elite status. I think cheap is our starting point.
Ryan: There's nothing cheap about loyalty.
Ryan: It's a Concierge Key, yeah.
Alex: What is that, carbon fibre?
Ryan: Graphite.
Alex: Oh, I love the weight.
Ryan: I was pretty excited the day that bad boy came in.
Alex: I'll say. I put up pretty pedestrian numbers. 60 thousand a year, domestic.
Ryan: That's not bad.
Alex: Don't patronize me. What's your total?
Ryan: It's a personal question.
Alex: Please.
Ryan: And we hardly know each other.
Alex: Come on, show some hubris. Come on, impress me. I bet it's huge.
Ryan: You have no idea.
Alex: How big? What is it, this big? This big?
Ryan: I don't want to brag.
Alex: Oh, come on! Come on.
Ryan: Let's just say I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Alex: This is pretty ****ing sexy.
Ryan: Hope it doesn't cheapen our relationship.
Alex: We're two people who get turned on by elite status. I think cheap is our starting point.
Ryan: There's nothing cheap about loyalty.
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Alex: [Over the phone] What were you thinking showing up at my door like that?
Ryan: I wanted to see you. I didn't know you had a family why wouldn't you tell me that?
Alex Goran: I'm sorry I ruined your evening but you could've seriously screwed things up for me. That's my family that's my real life.
Ryan: I thought I was a part of your life.
Alex: I thought we signed up for the same thing.
Ryan: Tell me what exactly you signed up for.
Alex: I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.
Ryan: I'm a parenthesis?
Alex: What do you want? Tell me what you want. [pause] You don't even know what you want. I'm a grown up, so if you'd like to see me again then give me a call.
Ryan: I wanted to see you. I didn't know you had a family why wouldn't you tell me that?
Alex Goran: I'm sorry I ruined your evening but you could've seriously screwed things up for me. That's my family that's my real life.
Ryan: I thought I was a part of your life.
Alex: I thought we signed up for the same thing.
Ryan: Tell me what exactly you signed up for.
Alex: I thought our relationship was perfectly clear. You are an escape. You're a break from our normal lives. You're a parenthesis.
Ryan: I'm a parenthesis?
Alex: What do you want? Tell me what you want. [pause] You don't even know what you want. I'm a grown up, so if you'd like to see me again then give me a call.
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Alex: [over the phone] You never called.
Ryan: Well, I wasn't sure what was appropriate.
Alex: Appropriate? Ryan, I'm not some waitress you banged in a snowstorm. That word has no place in our vocabulary. I am the woman that you don't have to worry about.
Ryan: Sounds like a trap.
Alex: Listen, the next time that you're worried about manners, don't. If you want to call, call. Just think of me as yourself, only with a vagina.
Ryan: When am I going to see you?
Ryan: Well, I wasn't sure what was appropriate.
Alex: Appropriate? Ryan, I'm not some waitress you banged in a snowstorm. That word has no place in our vocabulary. I am the woman that you don't have to worry about.
Ryan: Sounds like a trap.
Alex: Listen, the next time that you're worried about manners, don't. If you want to call, call. Just think of me as yourself, only with a vagina.
Ryan: When am I going to see you?
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Bob: [Shows them a picture of his children, after having been informed he's been let go] What do you suggest I tell them?
Natalie: Perhaps you're overlooking the positive effects your career transition will have on your children.
Bob: The positive effects? I make about ninety grand a year, unemployment is two hundred fifty bucks a week. Is that one of your positive effects? We get to be cozier because I won't be able to pay my mortgage on my house so maybe we can move into a nice one bedroom apartment. And I guess without benefits I'll be able to hold my daughter as she suffers from her asthma that I won't be able to afford the medication for.
Natalie: Tests have shown that children under moderate trauma tend to apply themselves academically as a method of coping.
Bob: "Go **** yourself", that's what my kids will think.
Ryan: Your kids' admiration is important to you?
Bob: Yeah of course.
Ryan: I doubt they ever admired you.
Bob: Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?
Ryan: I'm not a shrink I'm a wake-up call, I see guys who work at the same company their entire lives, guys exactly like you. They clock in and they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness. You have an opportunity. This is a rebirth. If not for you, do it for your children.
Natalie: Perhaps you're overlooking the positive effects your career transition will have on your children.
Bob: The positive effects? I make about ninety grand a year, unemployment is two hundred fifty bucks a week. Is that one of your positive effects? We get to be cozier because I won't be able to pay my mortgage on my house so maybe we can move into a nice one bedroom apartment. And I guess without benefits I'll be able to hold my daughter as she suffers from her asthma that I won't be able to afford the medication for.
Natalie: Tests have shown that children under moderate trauma tend to apply themselves academically as a method of coping.
Bob: "Go **** yourself", that's what my kids will think.
Ryan: Your kids' admiration is important to you?
Bob: Yeah of course.
Ryan: I doubt they ever admired you.
Bob: Hey, asshole, aren't you supposed to be consoling me?
Ryan: I'm not a shrink I'm a wake-up call, I see guys who work at the same company their entire lives, guys exactly like you. They clock in and they clock out and they never have a moment of happiness. You have an opportunity. This is a rebirth. If not for you, do it for your children.
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Female flight attendant: Do you want the can, sir?
Ryan: The what?
Female flight attendant: Do you want the can, sir?
Ryan: The cancer?
[The flight attendant raises her hand to reveal a can of soda.]
Female flight attendant: The can, sir?
Ryan: Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you.
Ryan: The what?
Female flight attendant: Do you want the can, sir?
Ryan: The cancer?
[The flight attendant raises her hand to reveal a can of soda.]
Female flight attendant: The can, sir?
Ryan: Oh, no, I'm fine, thank you.
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Maynard Finch: [referring to his frequent flier miles] You're the youngest person so far to hit ten million. I don't know where you find the time.
Ryan: I don't know.
Maynard Finch: [Hands him the lifetime executive status card] We really appreciate your loyalty.
Ryan: I've thought about this moment so many times, I even thought about the conversation we'd have.
Maynard Finch: What'd you want to say?
Ryan: Now I don't remember.
Maynard Finch: That's alright it happens to all of us, where are you from?
Ryan: [realizing he has no home] I'm from here.
Ryan: I don't know.
Maynard Finch: [Hands him the lifetime executive status card] We really appreciate your loyalty.
Ryan: I've thought about this moment so many times, I even thought about the conversation we'd have.
Maynard Finch: What'd you want to say?
Ryan: Now I don't remember.
Maynard Finch: That's alright it happens to all of us, where are you from?
Ryan: [realizing he has no home] I'm from here.
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Natalie: [about her fiance] He broke up with me by text message.
Ryan: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet.
Alex Goran: What a weasly prick.
Natalie: Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.
Alex: We all fall for the prick. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable and they're fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.
Ryan: Wow. That's kind of like getting fired over the Internet.
Alex Goran: What a weasly prick.
Natalie: Yeah, but what does that make me? Someone who falls for a prick.
Alex: We all fall for the prick. Pricks are spontaneous, they're unpredictable and they're fun. And then we're surprised when they turn out to be pricks.
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Natalie: How can you not think about that? How does it not even cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
Ryan: It's simple; you know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet... just for a second?
Natalie: Yes!
Ryan: Right, well I don't.
Natalie: You're an asshole.
Ryan: It's simple; you know that moment when you look into somebody's eyes and you can feel them staring into your soul and the whole world goes quiet... just for a second?
Natalie: Yes!
Ryan: Right, well I don't.
Natalie: You're an asshole.
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Natalie: Hungry much?
Ryan: Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Natalie: Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
Ryan: You really want to know?
Natalie: I'm dying to know.
Ryan: I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
Natalie: So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
Ryan: It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
Natalie: That's it? You're saving just to save?
Ryan: Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Natalie: That's a little abstract. What's the target?
Ryan: I'd rather not...
Natalie: Is it a secret target?
Ryan: It's ten million miles.
Natalie: Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Ryan: Pi's just a number.
Natalie: Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
Ryan: I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.
Natalie: Do they throw you a parade?
Ryan: You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Natalie: Wow.
Ryan: And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Natalie: Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.
Ryan: Our business expense allots forty dollars each for dinner. I plan on grabbing as many miles as I can.
Natalie: Okay, you got to fill me in on the miles thing. What is that about? You're talking about, like, frequent flyer miles?
Ryan: You really want to know?
Natalie: I'm dying to know.
Ryan: I don't spend a nickel, if I can help it, unless it somehow profits my mileage account.
Natalie: So, what are you saving up for? Hawaii? South of France?
Ryan: It's not like that. The miles are the goal.
Natalie: That's it? You're saving just to save?
Ryan: Let's just say that I have a number in mind and I haven't hit it yet.
Natalie: That's a little abstract. What's the target?
Ryan: I'd rather not...
Natalie: Is it a secret target?
Ryan: It's ten million miles.
Natalie: Okay. Isn't ten million just a number?
Ryan: Pi's just a number.
Natalie: Well, we all need a hobby. No, I- I- I don't mean to belittle your collection. I get it. It sounds cool.
Ryan: I'd be the seventh person to do it. More people have walked on the moon.
Natalie: Do they throw you a parade?
Ryan: You get lifetime executive status. You get to meet the chief pilot, Maynard Finch.
Natalie: Wow.
Ryan: And they put your name on the side of a plane.
Natalie: Men get such hardons from putting their names on things. You guys don't grow up. It's like you need to pee on everything.
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Natalie: I thought I'd be engaged by now. I thought by 23, I'd be married, maybe have a kid, corner office by day, entertaining at night. I was supposed to be driving a Grand Cherokee by now.
Alex: Well, life can underwhelm you that way.
Natalie: Where did you think you'd be by now?
Alex: It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the deadlines. It can be a little counter-productive.
Natalie: I don't want to say anything that is anti-feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.
Alex: [drily] It was our pleasure.
Natalie: Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work. He really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4-Runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
Alex: You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice. Just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day. Otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yeah, a nice smile just might do it.
Natalie: Wow. That was depressing.I should just start dating women
Alex: [sitting down] I tried it, we're no picnic ourselves.
Natalie: I don't mind being married to my career and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as I sleep, I just don't want to settle.
Alex: You're young, right now you see settling down as a failure.
Natalie: It is, by definition.
Alex: By the time someone is right for you it won't feel like settling and the only one to judge you will be the twenty three year old with the target on your back.
Alex: Well, life can underwhelm you that way.
Natalie: Where did you think you'd be by now?
Alex: It doesn't work that way. At a certain point, you stop with the deadlines. It can be a little counter-productive.
Natalie: I don't want to say anything that is anti-feminist. I really appreciate everything that your generation did for me.
Alex: [drily] It was our pleasure.
Natalie: Sometimes it feels like, no matter how much success I have, it's not gonna matter until I find the right guy. I could have made it work. He really fit the bill, you know. White collar, 6'1, college grad, loves dogs, likes funny movies, brown hair, kind eyes, works in finance but is outdoorsy. I always imagined he'd have a single syllable name like Matt or John or Dave. In a perfect world, he drives a 4-Runner and the only thing he loves more than me is his golden lab. And a nice smile. What about you?
Alex: You know, honestly by the time you're 34, all the physical requirements just go out the window. You secretly pray that he'll be taller than you, not an asshole would be nice. Just someone who enjoys my company, comes from a good family. You don't think about that when you're younger. Someone who wants kids. Healthy enough to play with his kids. Please let him earn more money than I do, you might not understand that now but believe me, you will one day. Otherwise that's a recipe for disaster. And hopefully, some hair on his head. I mean, that's not even a deal breaker these days. A nice smile. Yeah, a nice smile just might do it.
Natalie: Wow. That was depressing.I should just start dating women
Alex: [sitting down] I tried it, we're no picnic ourselves.
Natalie: I don't mind being married to my career and I don't expect it to hold me in bed as I sleep, I just don't want to settle.
Alex: You're young, right now you see settling down as a failure.
Natalie: It is, by definition.
Alex: By the time someone is right for you it won't feel like settling and the only one to judge you will be the twenty three year old with the target on your back.
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Natalie: Never?
Ryan: No.
Natalie: Ever?
Ryan: No.
Natalie: You never wanna get married?
Ryan: Nope.
Natalie: Never want kids?
Ryan: Not a chance.
Natalie: Ever?
Ryan: Never. Is that so bizarre?
Natalie: Yes. Yes, it is.
Ryan: I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan: Sell me marriage.
Natalie: Okay. How about love?
Ryan: [scoffs] Okay.
Natalie: Stability. Just somebody you can count on.
Ryan: How many stable marriages do you know?
Natalie: Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.
Ryan: I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.
Natalie: How about just not dying alone?
Ryan: Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those cult members in San Diego, with the sneakers and the Kool-Aid, they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.
Natalie: [stops dead and starts to cry]
Ryan: Ah, ****.
Natalie: Brian left me! [[drops suitcase and breaks into hysterics]
Ryan: [awkwardly] Alright. Shh, shh.
Ryan: No.
Natalie: Ever?
Ryan: No.
Natalie: You never wanna get married?
Ryan: Nope.
Natalie: Never want kids?
Ryan: Not a chance.
Natalie: Ever?
Ryan: Never. Is that so bizarre?
Natalie: Yes. Yes, it is.
Ryan: I just don't see the value in it. All right, sell it to me.
Natalie Keener: What?
Ryan: Sell me marriage.
Natalie: Okay. How about love?
Ryan: [scoffs] Okay.
Natalie: Stability. Just somebody you can count on.
Ryan: How many stable marriages do you know?
Natalie: Somebody to talk to, someone to spend your life with.
Ryan: I'm surrounded by people to talk to. I doubt that's gonna change.
Natalie: How about just not dying alone?
Ryan: Starting when I was 12, we moved each one of my grandparents into a nursing facility. My parents went the same way. Make no mistake, we all die alone. Now those cult members in San Diego, with the sneakers and the Kool-Aid, they didn't die alone. I'm just saying there are options.
Natalie: [stops dead and starts to cry]
Ryan: Ah, ****.
Natalie: Brian left me! [[drops suitcase and breaks into hysterics]
Ryan: [awkwardly] Alright. Shh, shh.
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Natalie: What happened to Alex?
Ryan: She had to leave town to get to a meeting.
Natalie: That's too bad, where's she live?
Ryan: Chicago.
Natalie: Are you going to go see her?
Ryan: We don't really have that kind of relationship.
Natalie: What kind of relationship do you have?
Ryan: Casual.
Natalie: Sounds pretty special. Do you think there's a future there?
Ryan: We never really thought about it. What's going on here?
Natalie: Really? Never thought about it?
Ryan[: No.
Natalie: How can you not think about that? How does it not cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
Ryan: It just doesn't.
Natalie: Don't you think it's worth giving her a chance?
Ryan: A chance at what?
Natalie: A chance at something real
Ryan: Your definition of "real" is going to evolve as you get older.
Natalie: The isolation, the traveling. Is that supposed to be charming?
Ryan: No, it's simply a life choice.
Natalie: It's a cocoon of self-banishment.
Ryan: Wow, big words.
Natalie: You have a set up a way of life that basically makes it impossible for you to have any kind of human connection. And now this woman comes along and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice and comes out on the other end smiling. Just so you can call her "casual"? I need to grow up? You're a twelve year old.
Ryan: She had to leave town to get to a meeting.
Natalie: That's too bad, where's she live?
Ryan: Chicago.
Natalie: Are you going to go see her?
Ryan: We don't really have that kind of relationship.
Natalie: What kind of relationship do you have?
Ryan: Casual.
Natalie: Sounds pretty special. Do you think there's a future there?
Ryan: We never really thought about it. What's going on here?
Natalie: Really? Never thought about it?
Ryan[: No.
Natalie: How can you not think about that? How does it not cross your mind that you might want a future with someone?
Ryan: It just doesn't.
Natalie: Don't you think it's worth giving her a chance?
Ryan: A chance at what?
Natalie: A chance at something real
Ryan: Your definition of "real" is going to evolve as you get older.
Natalie: The isolation, the traveling. Is that supposed to be charming?
Ryan: No, it's simply a life choice.
Natalie: It's a cocoon of self-banishment.
Ryan: Wow, big words.
Natalie: You have a set up a way of life that basically makes it impossible for you to have any kind of human connection. And now this woman comes along and somehow runs the gauntlet of your ridiculous life choice and comes out on the other end smiling. Just so you can call her "casual"? I need to grow up? You're a twelve year old.
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Ryan: [on getting through airport security] Never get behind people traveling with infants. I've never seen a stroller collapse in less than 20 minutes. Old people are worse. Their bodies are littered with hidden metal and they never seem to appreciate how little time they have left. Bingo, Asians. They pack light, travel efficiently, and they have a thing for slip on shoes. Gotta love 'em.
Natalie: That's racist.
Ryan: I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.
Natalie: That's racist.
Ryan: I'm like my mother, I stereotype. It's faster.
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Ryan: Natalie, what is it you think we do here?
Natalie: We prepare the newly unemployed for the emotional and physical hurdles of job hunting, while minimizing legal blow-back.
Ryan: That's what we're selling. It's not what we're doing.
Natalie: Okay, what are we doing?
Ryan: We are here to make limbo tolerable, to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point were hope is dimly visible. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water and make them swim.
Natalie: We prepare the newly unemployed for the emotional and physical hurdles of job hunting, while minimizing legal blow-back.
Ryan: That's what we're selling. It's not what we're doing.
Natalie: Okay, what are we doing?
Ryan: We are here to make limbo tolerable, to ferry wounded souls across the river of dread until the point were hope is dimly visible. And then stop the boat, shove them in the water and make them swim.
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San Francisco Manager: [interviewing Natalie for a job] So, what happened?
Natalie: How exactly do you mean?
San Francisco Manager: You graduated top of your class. You could have had your pick of employment, including right here. Instead, you went to Omaha to... fire people for a living?
Natalie: Challenging work.
San Francisco Manager: I'll say. I couldn't imagine doing that day in and day out. Not in this climate.
Natalie: I... followed a boy.
San Francisco Manager: I guess we've all done that at some point in our lives.
[the manager pauses and picks up a letter from his desk, showing it to Natalie]
San Francisco Manager: This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.
Ryan: [voiceover, reading the letter] To whom it may concern: I can't begin to count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime. So many that I've forgotten what it's like to actually hire someone. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener. My advice? Take her and don't look back. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.
San Francisco Manager: [holding his hand out] I sure hope he's right.
Natalie: How exactly do you mean?
San Francisco Manager: You graduated top of your class. You could have had your pick of employment, including right here. Instead, you went to Omaha to... fire people for a living?
Natalie: Challenging work.
San Francisco Manager: I'll say. I couldn't imagine doing that day in and day out. Not in this climate.
Natalie: I... followed a boy.
San Francisco Manager: I guess we've all done that at some point in our lives.
[the manager pauses and picks up a letter from his desk, showing it to Natalie]
San Francisco Manager: This guy says I'd be lucky to have you.
Ryan: [voiceover, reading the letter] To whom it may concern: I can't begin to count the number of people I've fired in my lifetime. So many that I've forgotten what it's like to actually hire someone. We've never met, but I know you'd be lucky to have Natalie Keener. My advice? Take her and don't look back. She'll be the best decision you've made in a long time.
San Francisco Manager: [holding his hand out] I sure hope he's right.