Ocean's Twelve quotes
Linus Caldwell Hey, can I ask you something? You ever notice that...
If you're gonna ask if you can ask me a question, give me time to respond. Unless you're asking rhetorically, in which case the answer is obvious - yes.
Linus Caldwell Okay, can I ask you...
Yes.
Linus Caldwell Thanks. You ever notice that Tess looks...
Ooh, don't ever ask that. Ever. Seriously. Not to anyone, especially not to her.
Linus Caldwell Wait, why not?
Look, it's not in my nature to be mysterious. But I can't talk about it and I can't talk about why.
Linus Caldwell Oooooooooo.
I have a message for Robert Charles Ryan, soon to be the ex-owner of the Standard Hotel.
You got him.
The last we spoke, you hung up on me.
You used nasty words. I got sensitive ears
Jesus Christ! Are you people ****?! It says "Do not disturb"!
It's me.
You're doing recon work on our anniversary?
Tess...
Do I look 50 to you?
Basher Tarr Yeah.
Really?
Basher Tarr Well, I mean, you know, only from the neck up.
It's ridiculous, I mean this is a moral issue we're dealing with here. Not to mention we don't have a grease man anymore, because he's in a bag somewhere. We don't know.
We got a bag man.
Such an ape, an animal, with no feelings you are.
I have feelings.
No, you don't.
Look, yeah, I do I feel bad for the guy. He's a human being in a piece of luggage, but you got water, he's got air. What did you want them to do?
Oh my God, they should have gotten off the bus, get off the bus and pick up the bag with our friend in it.
Get off the bus, they were trying to be inconspicuous. How many soccer teams do you know that are fielding 50 year-old men?
Rusty's not 50 years old.
Yeah dude, we know Rusty's not 50.
You think I'm 50 years old? Let me ask you something... [to Virgil] no, let me ask you something: how old do you think I am?
48?
You think I'm 48 years old?
52?
Linus Caldwell What did I say?
You called his niece a whore.
Linus Caldwell What?!?
A very cheap one.
She's seven.
Currently confined to bed with a wicked case of...
No, don't tell him that.
I'm sorry.
Hell in a hand-basket?
Linus Caldwell No, we... can't train a cat that quickly. And...
Turk Malloy, Linus Caldwell, Basher Tarr: [together] Not enough people!
Doesn't this guy believe in fresh air?
He opens the second floor window every now and then.
What does that mean?
It means he opens the second floor window every now and then.
What are you doing?
Sleeping. Why are you dressed?
It's 5:30, day of. Gotta go, let's go!
It's 11:30. The night before.
Oh.. But..
Oh.
Oh! Oh he's mean. He's just mean spirited. All right, how many espressos did you have?
Five.
Linus Caldwell So we do a Lookie-Loo... it's actually a Lookie-Loo with a Bundle of Joy!
Basher Tarr A Lookie-Loo... with Tess... and a Bundle of Joy?
Linus Caldwell Yeah!
Basher Tarr You've gone right out of your tree, my son.
Basher Tarr He's mad. It's madness.
Yeah, it's crazy. It's Italian television crazy, and, we're still one short.
Linus Caldwell No no, but think about it. She can get near the egg, during daylight hours, with at least half the system down! Well that's a trifecta!
Basher Tarr You might be right. Make the call.
Molly Star I hope Danny And Rusty appreciate the fine job you did - in a tight jam? I'm really proud of you.
Linus Caldwell Thanks.
Molly Star We both are.
Linus Caldwell Linus Caldwell You told Dad? You told Dad?
Molly Star I had to sweetheart, We were on vacation.
Linus Caldwell Molly Star I'm sorry.
Linus Caldwell Great. you guys are gonna be dining out on this one for months! Hey, you remember the time your mom had to go to Rome, Blah, Blah,blah? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah?
If, God forbid, anything does happen to you, we will not be involved.
You better not be, Reuben. You better not be.
Linus I blew the meeting with Matsui.
Molly Let me guess, he pulled a Lost in Translation on you?
Linus Why don't I see these things??
THIS? You couldn't see this?!
And tell him it's gonna cost him double. [pause] And tell him this thing is beautiful. And tell him I'm being a nice guy. And tell him he dresses like a gigilo. (on being asked if that is all) Yeah. No! Tell him--tell Rusty that having a sexy female assistant is such a terrible cliche. [Hangs up. Sexy female assistant emerges with Nagel's treo and brings him a coffee]
I was asked to show some restraint. Otherwise, you would have gone out to your favorite car with all the 17 you own and as soon as you turn on the ignition--[car explodes] You got two weeks.
A doctor specializing in skin diseases will dream he has fallen asleep in front of the television. Later, he will wake up in front of the television, but not remember his dream.
Are you having some telethon we don't know about?!
If all the animals on the equator were capable of flattery, then Thanksgiving and Hallowe'en would fall on the same date.
Yeah, well I need to use the toilet otherwise I'm gonna shit on your shoes! C'mon Frank...