Miles Massey You fascinate me.
2nd most-quoted character in Intolerable Cruelty (2003): in 18 of its 37 quotes
Most scenes with: The Baron (14), Marylin Rexroth (7), Wrigley (5)
Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.
More lines from Miles Massey
3 quotes Miles Massey Miles Massey Sorry. I'm not omniscient.
Miles Massey Let the record show that the Baron has identified Rex Rexroth as the silly man!
Scenes with Miles Massey
14 scenes
Rex
My wife has me between a rock and a hard place.
Miles Massey That's her job. You should respect that.
Miles Massey So you propose, that in spite demonstrable infidelity on your part, your unoffending wife should be tossed out on her ear.
Rex
Is it possible?
Miles Massey It's a challenge.
Miles Massey I guess, something inside of me died, when I realized that you'd hired a goon to kill me.
Wait a minute. You hired him to kill me.
No. Both of you wait a minute. Nobody hired anyone to kill anyone.
Hear, hear.
Apparently, from what I can gather, a burglar broke into your house.
Miles's house.
Whatever. A burglar broke in intending to loot the place, uh, repented, became despondent over his lifestyle and shot himself.
Miles Massey "Dismiss your vows, your feigned tears, your flattery, for where a heart is hard, they make no battery..." Mrs. Rexroth, do you know those lines?
Objection, your honor.
Judge Marva Munson
Grounds?
Uh... poetry recitation.
Uh, I'll just have a, um, salad, please. Um, baby field greens.
Nero's Waitress What did you call me?
Uh, no, I-I... I-I didn't call you anything.
Nero's Waitress You want a salad?
Yeah. Do you... Do you have a, uh, green salad?
Nero's Waitress What the **** color would it be?
Why are we eating here?
Nero's Waitress What's his problem?
Miles Massey Just bring him an iceberg lettuce and a mealy tomato wedge smothered with French Dressing.
Nero's Waitress And for you?
Miles Massey Ham sandwich on stale rye bread. Lots of mayo, easy on the ham.
Nero's Waitress Slaw Cup?
Miles Massey What the hell.
Rex Rexroth
Have you sat before her before?
Miles Massey No. No, the judge sits first. Then we sit.
Rex Rexroth
Well, have you sat after her before?
Sat after her before? You mean, have we argued before her before?
Miles Massey The judge sits in judgment. The counsel argues before the judge.
Rex Rexroth
So, have you argued before her before?
Before her before, or before she sat before?
Rex Rexroth
Before her before. I said, before her before.
No, you said before she sat before.
Rex Rexroth
I did at first, but...
Miles Massey Look, don't argue.
Rex Rexroth
I'm not. I'm...
No, you don't argue. We argue.
Miles Massey Counsel argues.
You appear.
Miles Massey The judge sits.
Then you sit.
Miles Massey Or you stand in contempt.
And then we argue.
Miles Massey The counsel argues.
Rex Rexroth
Which you've done before.
Miles Massey Which we've done before.
Rex Rexroth
Ah.
But not before her.
Miles Massey Howard. You named him after your ex.
I'm sentimental.
What do you think?
Miles Massey What are they, ladles?
Berry spoons.
Miles Massey Spoons?
Berry spoons. Everybody has spoons.
Miles Massey And nobody *needs* berry spoons.
Everybody eats berries.
Miles Massey Who are you, Pollyanna? Where'd you see 'em at? A Martha Stewart catalog right next to the silver napkin rings? Stadium seat ass-warmers?
If you have a proposal to make, let's hear it.
Miles Massey Well, at this point, my client is still prepared to consider reconciliation.
My client's ruled that out.
Miles Massey My client is prepared to entertain an amicable dissolution to the marriage without prejudice.
That's a fart in a stiff wind.
Miles Massey My client proposes a 30-day cooling-off period.
My client feels sufficiently dispassionate.
Miles Massey My client asks that you not initiate proceedings pending his setting certain affairs in order.
Miles Massey All right, so much for the ice-breakers. What are you after, Freddy? [takes a drink of water]
My client is prepared to settle for 50 percent of the marital assets. [Miles spits out some water]
Miles Massey Why only 50, Freddy? Why not a hundred? While we're dreaming, why not 150? Are you familiar with "Kershner"?
"Kershner" does not apply.
Miles Massey Bring this to trial, we'll see if "Kershner" applies.
Rex
What's "Kershner"?
Miles Massey Please, let me handle this.
"Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey "Kershner" was in Kentucky?
"Kershner" was in Kentucky.
Miles Massey All right, Freddy, forget "Kershner". What's your bottom line?
Primary residence, 30 percent of remaining assets.
Miles Massey What, are you nuts? Have you forgotten "Kershner"?
Miles Massey Attila the Hun. Ivan the Terrible. Henry the Eighth. What do they have in common?
Miles Massey [of Rex's wife]
Has she retained counsel?
Rex
I don't know... She has Rottweilers.
Miles Massey Not a good sign.
Miles Massey [after ordering food for both of them]
I assume you're a carnivore.
...and those Rottweilers were a menace, man!
Miles Massey I told you she had dogs.
You didn't tell me they had a hard on for Anus Africanus!
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