Roger Murtaugh
General McAlister, time for you to die.
Roger Murtaugh
Roger Murtaugh
I was driving before you were an itch in your daddy's pants!
Roger Murtaugh
[repeated line in all four movies]
I'm too old for this shit.
Roger Murtaugh
Free South Africa, you dumb son of a bitch!
Roger Murtaugh
Of course 'm black. That's why I wanna go to South Africa. To join up with my oppressed brothers. To take up the struggle against the tyranny of the racist, fascist, white, minority regime!
Roger Murtaugh
You're breathing, you're alive, you're not dead. No, don't die. You're not dead until I tell I tell you, you got that? You got that, Riggs? You're not dead until I tell you. You got that, Riggs! You're not dead until I tell you.
Mike Harrigan
This is what I call the speech, kid. It's the only one I got and I only give it once, so pay attention. 'Til now, it's all been fun and games. "Cops and robbers," Dunkin Donuts. But you're in the shit now. Metro Command is a war zone.
Mike Harrigan
[after riding in a limo with Big Willie's thugs, who smoke heavily]
You know, you guys really gotta cut down...
Mike Harrigan
Hey, assholes!
George Knox
[Shouting angrily at umpire]
You call that a call?! Did you call that a call?! In all my years of baseball, I have never seen such a-- [Al the Boss Angel arrives and is able to influence the rest of Knox's words. Knox then, as a result, speaks slowly and calmly] such an astute evaluation of a potentially difficult decision. Masterful call. Oh, have a nice day.
George Knox
There's a thing called "talent". They don't have it.
George Knox
Let's keep the profanity down!
Players
Huh?
George Knox
I mean it! No swearing!
Ray Mitchell
That eliminates all the speech for most of the team.
Col. Isaac Johnson
I guess Bob Lee didn't think he was expendable.
Col. Isaac Johnson
Some people don't know what to do when their belief system collapses. Bob Lee is one of those.
Col. Isaac Johnson
I don't carry a gun.
Winston
[sighs]
The Eastern wolves ruined Kate's hunt. [Eve growls] Luckily, the Omegas were there to break up the fight.
Winston
Scraps and bones is no kind of dinner. Not for my pack!
Winston
We must defend our territory.
Detective Tapp
I'm gonna kill you, you sick asshole!
Detective Tapp
You know, we arrested a dentist last week who liked to play with kids a bit too much. He lived two blocks from here. The sewer lines run under this neighborhood, Doctor.
Detective Tapp
Sick bastard.
Barbatus
[his last words to Z]
Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.
Z Marion-4195
Princess, fancy meeting you here. What do you say we lose this crowd? Oh, me? You know, I... I wear many hats. I guess you'd have to call me a Renaissance ant.
Man
Eyes right!
General Mandible
Beautiful. Just beautiful.
Princess Bala
Mm.
General Mandible
The precision. The order.
Z Marion-4195
Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Hey. It's me. Remember Z from the bar? Princess Bala! Princess Bala! Princess...
Queen
Bala, you must encourage the troops. Wave.
Z Marion-4195
Oh. She sees me. Excuse me, guys. I... Sorry. I just got a better offer. Could you excuse me?
Soldier Ant
Company halt!
Z Marion-4195
[they all stand to halt]
Princess. Princess Bala!
Soldier Ant
Quiet there! Get back in rank.
Barbatus
You new, kid?
Z Marion-4195
Oh, yes, but I'm getting out soon. I got a trial membership.
Barbatus
Trial membership. [chuckling] That's a good one! Name's Barbatus.
Z Marion-4195
Z.
Man
Right face!
Barbatus
[They turn right]
Psst.
General Mandible
[???]
Sacrifice. To some, it is just a word. To others, it is a code.
Z Marion-4195
Jeez. I'm really bad at word games.
General Mandible
A soldier knows that the life of an individual ant doesn't matter. What matters is the colony. He's willing to live for the colony, to fight for the colony, to die for the colony.
Z Marion-4195
This guy's crazy.
Barbatus
I hear ya.
General Mandible
At 0800 hours, we received word that the termite enemy has mobilized. We have no choice but to launch a preemptive strike. You are the queen's finest. I know you will all do you duty. I am proud to send you into battle.
Z Marion-4195
Into... I'm sorry-I'm sorry, into battle?
General Mandible
Dismissed.
Man
Left face! Forward march!
Z Marion-4195
Talk to me. You know, I think there's been a terrible mistake. [being shipped off to battle] You know, the truth is I just... I just came for the speech.
Barbatus
Don't worry, kid. I'll watch out for ya.
Ant
[???]
Sound off.
Soldier Ant
One.
Soldier Ant
Two.
Ant
Sound off.
Barbatus
Three.
Z Marion-4195
Huh?
Ant
Sound off.
Soldier Ant
Five.
Soldier Ant
Six.
Soldier Ant
Seven.
Soldier Ant
Eight.
Soldier Ant
Nine.
Soldier Ant
Ten.
Soldier Ant
Eleven.
Soldier Ant
Twelve.
Soldier Ant
Thirteen.
Soldier Ant
[singing]
The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah!
All
[singing]
We slaughter termites just for fun, hurrah, hurrah!
Z Marion-4195
So these termites, they're, they're pushovers, right?
Barbatus
Not really, kid. They're five times our size, and they shoot acid from their foreheads.
Z Marion-4195
Huh?! [stops marching, gaping in disbelief]
Soldier Ant
[gives Z a shove from behind]
Hey! Keep it movin', shorty!
Z Marion-4195
[Later, as the ant army is marching towards the termites' nest]
So, what exactly does our platoon do? Are we gonna be serving beverages, or processing paperwork?
Barbatus
Our platoon has the best assignment of all. We're the first into battle.
Z Marion-4195
[They marched up the termites' nest] [panicked]
Hey, wait a minute, let's not get...we're being too hasty here! These guys sound like bruisers! Just how were you figuring on beating them?!
Barbatus
Superior numbers, kid. Overwhelm their defenses, and kill their queen.
Z Marion-4195
[stammering]
I, um...Hey, fellas, that's...you're being a little extreme, I feel. Why don't...Why don't we just try and influence their political process with campaign contributions?
Barbatus
[laughing]
I like you, kid. You got a sense of humor!
Ant Officer
FORWARD!!
Barbatus
Come on! Let's kick some termite butt!
Soldier Ant
OVER THE TOP!!!
Soldier Ant
Where is everyone?
Soldier Ant
[???]
Something's not right.
Barbatus
Don't be scared, kid.
Ant Officer
[One of the soldier ants looks up, the termite let out a roar and eats it. Many of termites storm out of Termite's hole]
ATTACK!!!
Soldier Ant
[???]
Come on.
Z Marion-4195
Barbatus, you saved my life.
Barbatus
Ah, don't get all sappy about it. [Barbatus attacks the termite, while the soldier ants catches up]
Z Marion-4195
Hey, guys. Look out behind you! Hey... Hey, guys. Can somebody help me here? Can anybody... Hey.
Barbatus
[Outside, Z emerged and saw the blood bath he saw. All of the ants and termites were all dead.] [to Z]
Kid! Kid, over here.
Z Marion-4195
Barbatus.
Barbatus
Be honest, kid. Am I hurt bad?
Z Marion-4195
N-No. N-Not at all. You're... Actually, you're lookin' terrific. You got, you know, swell color in your cheeks.
Barbatus
No. I can see it in your eyes. I'm a goner. Help me up, Z. [sniffing] I can't feel my legs.
Z Marion-4195
You gotta hang in there, buddy. You know. I know you're gonna make it. Just take... take deep breaths. Because I'm gonna try and find your body. It's bound to be out there somewhere. [to Barbatus] Barbatus, hang on. B-Barbatus.
Barbatus
Don't make my mistake, kid. Don't follow orders your whole life. Think for yourself.
Z Marion-4195
Barbatus.
Miles
[as he's cornered by coyotes]
Well, well, whatever will I do? [kicks 3 coyotes, 1 coyote shivers in fear] Oh, don't worry. I've got someone special for you. [the crate unlocks revealing Wild Mike, who rides the back of the coyote] Heh-heh-heh-heh! I just love that little guy!
Dag
Well, look at the hero. You thought you could come into my den! Now, why don't you lay there and watch while we eat your friends? [laughs evilly]
Dag
[Otis gets up slowly with much courage to do so] [turns around]
What's this?
Otis
[exhausted]
A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others.
Dag
[laughs evilly]
This should be fun. [sniffs the air and looks around to find Miles, Pip, Peck, Freddy, and Pig atop a junk pile] I smell fear.
Peck
Shoot! I told you they can smell it.
Freddy
They can smell it? [sniffs himself] Oh yeah, I have it. I have a lot of it!
Miles
Just stick near me, guys, and you'll be alright.
Freddy
[regains confidence]
Yeah, I'll watch your juicy back! [realizes what he just said] I mean, your regular back.
Pig
[Pip poops on his head]
Hey!
Pip
Sorry, man. It's just pellets. I'm nervous.
Otis
[Miles kicks the farmer in the face with his leg]
What did you do that for?!
Miles
What else was I gonna do? He saw you.
Otis
You coulda killed him!
Pip
[jumps on the farmer's arm]
I got a pulse. Whee!
Otis
Oh, this is bad. This is bad. This is so bad!
Sheep
Baaad.
Pig
[panicked]
Everybody, just calm down! Just calm down, alright? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?!
Otis
[everyone looks at Otis]
What?
Pip
Come on. You're our leader. Lead us.
Otis
That does not apply to this. This is a totally, situationally different suspect. Hey, whoa, no.
Freddy
[sees the farmer unconscious]
Oh, we gotta ditch the body.
Otis
Stop it!
Freddy
He knows too much! We gotta take care of him. We gotta whack him!
Otis
There will be NO WHACKING! Okay? The farmer's a good guy! He's been good to us.
Miles
He's a vegan! God bless him.
Pig
And uh... what is a vegan again?
Freddy
Oh, I know this one...
Pip
Naw, I got it... it means you can't eat anything with a face.
Peck
No, no, that's a vegetarian.
Pig
Vegetarians have to eat in the dark, right?
Duke
That's a vampire! Come on!
Pip
You can't eat cheese?
Bessy
[as the farmer awakens]
It's not just cheese, vegans can't have ANY dairy products.
Peck
Cake?
Duke
Cake has egg products.
Pip
But you can't have any dairy!
Otis
I-I-I-I-I...
Freddy
No dairy? But I LOVE dairy! Does that mean I can't be a vegan?
Pig
I love the smell of bacon! There, I said it.
Otis
[all farm animals gasp to see the farmer awakened, Miles kicks the farmer again]
WOULD YOU NOT DO THAT?!
Miles
It's not like we have a lot of options.
Pip
Boy, that's a doozy. That thing's bigger than me.
Pig
Push it.
Pip
He wakes up, you got my back, right?
Pig
Yeah.
Simon
[as Mack and Simon and their wives and families look at the Grand Canyon]
So what do you think?
Mack
I think it's not all bad.
Simon
[to Mack]
You ever been to the Grand Canyon? Its pretty, but that's not the thing of it. You can sit on the edge of that big ol' thing and those rocks... the cliffs and rocks are so old... it took so long for that thing to get like that... and it ain't done either! It happens right there while your watching it. Its happening right now as we are sitting here in this ugly town. When you sit on the edge of that thing, you realize what a joke we people really are... what big heads we have thinking that what we do is gonna matter all that much... thinking that our time here means diddly to those rocks. Just a split second we have been here, the whole lot of us. That's a piece of time so small to even get a name. Those rocks are laughing at me right now, me and my worries... Yeah, its real humorous, that Grand Canyon. It's laughing at me right now. You know what I felt like? I felt like a gnat that lands on the ass of a cow chewing his cud on the side of the road that you drive by doing 70 mph.
Simon
I've gotta ask you for a favor. Let me go my way here. This truck's my responsibility, and now that the car's hooked up to it, it's my responsibility too.
Rocstar
Do you think I'm stupid? Just answer that question first.
Simon
Look, I don't know nothing about you; you don't know nothing about me. I don't know if you're stupid, or some kind of genius. All I know is that I need to get out of here, and you got the gun. So I'm asking you, for the second time, let me go my way here.
Rocstar
I'm gonna grant you that favor, and I'm gonna expect you to remember it if we ever meet again. But tell me this, are you asking me as a sign of respect, or are you asking because I've got the gun?
Simon
Man, the world ain't supposed to work like this. I mean, maybe you don't know that yet. I'm supposed to be able to do my job without having to ask you if I can. That dude is supposed to be able to wait with his car without you ripping him off. Everything is supposed to be different than it is.
Rocstar
So what's your answer?
Simon
You ain't got the gun, we ain't having this conversation.
Rocstar
That's what I thought: no gun, no respect. That's why I always got the gun.
Royal
I've always been considered an asshole for about as long as I can remember. That's just my style. But I'd really feel blue if I didn't think you were going to forgive me.
Henry Sherman
I don't think you're an asshole, Royal. I just think you're kind of a son of a bitch.
Royal
Well, I really appreciate that.
Chas
Please! Mr. Sherman, this is a family matter.
Margot
Don't talk to him like that.
Henry Sherman
Call me Henry.
Chas
I prefer Mr. Sherman.
Ethel
Call him Henry.
Chas
Why? I don't know him that well.
Ethel
You've known him for ten years.
Chas
Yes, as your accountant, Mr. Sherman.
Royal
Are you trying to steal my woman?
Henry Sherman
I beg your pardon?
Royal
You heard me, Coltrane.
Henry Sherman
"Coltrane"?
Royal
What?
Henry Sherman
Did you just call me Coltrane?
Royal
No.
Henry Sherman
You didn't?
Royal
No.
Henry Sherman
Okay...
Marty Madison
[Referring to a club in Florida where Curtis has booked the Dreamettes]
That place is so white they will not even hire us to wash dishes!
Marty Madison
Effie, it is time for you to perform. For the past four months I have been your food, your rent, your support network.
US President Thomas Wilson
[making his address to the nation]
My fellow Americans. This will be the last time I will address you. As you know, catastrophe has struck our nation, has struck the world. I wish I could tell you we could prevent the coming destruction. We cannot. Today, none of us are strangers. Today, we are one family, stepping into the darkness together. We are a nation of many religions, but I believe these words reflect the spirit of all our faiths. "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall -" [signal cut]
Milo Walker
Did you hear something?