[Lone Starr, Barf, Dot Matrix, and Vespa are making a long trek across the desert.]
Water...water...
Oil...oil...
Room service...room service..
Dark Helmet
Rick Moranis · 41 quotes
Lone Starr
Bill Pullman · 26 quotes
Colonel Sandurz
George Wyner · 21 quotes
Barf
John Candy · 20 quotes
President Skroob
Mel Brooks · 16 quotes
Dot Matrix
11 quotes
Vespa
Daphne Zuniga · 8 quotes
Computer
4 quotes
Yogurt
Mel Brooks · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Dark Helmet & Colonel Sandurz (17), Lone Starr & Barf (10), Dark Helmet & President Skroob (6)
Spaceballs quotes
Page 5 of 8[Spaceball One is at ludicrous speed, having passed Lone Starr's Winnebago]
We passed 'em; stop this thing!
We can't stop, it's too dangerous. We have to slow down first.
Bullshit! Stop this thing, I order you, stop!!
[Colonel Sandurz reaches out and uses the emergency brake, which has a "Never use" warning on it. Helmet goes flying forward, while screaming, into a control panel, denting it and his helmet up severely.]
Are you all right, sir?
Very good, sir. It's a good thing you were wearing that helmet.
Yeah....
What should we do now, sir?
Well...are we stopped?
We're stopped, sir.
Good. Why don't we take a five minute break?
Very good, sir.
Smoke if you got 'em. (Falls over)
Vinnie [Vinnie appears on Lone Starr's video screen]
Hello, Lone Starr.
Hello, Vinnie. What do you want?
Vinnie No-no-no-no-no. [twitches slightly] It's not what I want, it's what he wants.
Lone Starr and Barf
[Camera shifts slowly to the right to see Pizza the Hutt laughing]
Pizza the Hutt!
Pizza the Hutt [belches]
Well, if it isn't Lone Starr, and his sidekick, Puke.
That's Barf.
Pizza the Hutt Barf, Puke, whatever. Where's my money?
Don't worry, Pizza. You'll have it by next week.
Pizza the Hutt No, no, I gotta have it by tomorrow.
A hundred thousand spacebucks? By tomorrow?
Pizza the Hutt A hundred thousand? [laughs derisively] No way! You forgot late charges, which brings it up to, uh...one million spacebucks.
A million?! That's unfair!
Pizza the Hutt Unfair to the pay-or, but not to the pay-ee. Ha-ha-ha. But you're gonna pay it, or else.
Or else what?
Pizza the Hutt Tell 'em, Vinnie.
Vinnie Or else, Pizza is gonna send out for you.
[When Lone Starr and Vespa are about to kiss, Dot Matrix's Virgin Alarm goes off]
Abandon ship! ABANDON SHIP! Women and Mawgs first! AGHH!
We'll have none of that, mister! [to Vespa] How far did he get? What'd he touch, what'd he touch?
Nothing happened.
That was my Virgin Alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do.
[After discovering that most of his ship's crew consists of members of the same Asshole family]
I knew it! I'm surrounded by Assholes!(Pulls down his helmet) Keep firing, Assholes!
[aiming his Schwartz ring at Lone Starr's crotch]
Say goodbye to your two best friends, and I don't mean your pals in the Winnebago.
[in tiny print]
: If you can read this, you don't need glasses.
[Mr.Radar has just been "jammed".]
There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: [pulls down helmet as camera zooms in on his face] Lone Starr! [camera slams into his face and knocks him out]
[On why he was running down the bridge]
The ship is too big. If I walk, the movie'll be over.
[Talking on the Winnebago intercom to the passengers]
Buckle up back there, we're going into..."Hyperactive"!
[to Dark Helmet]
Never have that damn thing down in front of me! How do I know that you're not making faces at me under that thing?
[waking up on the Tatooine-like moon of Vega and surrounded by the Dinks]
...Did I miss something? When did we get to Disneyland?
Aw, buckle this!