Rick Moranis movie quotes

View Quote 1-2-3-4-5? That's the stupidest combination I've ever heard of in my life! That's the kinda thing an idiot would have on his luggage!

View Quote I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.

View Quote So, Lone Starr, now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.

View Quote [The adoption agent shows them a monkey] Well, he's not really what we expected, but we'll love him like he was our own.

View Quote Can I have everyone's attention, please? (Caveman: I hope it's not another poem)

View Quote [After Fred needs a couple of Bucks] NOT THIS TIME!!!

View Quote Wait for me, Audrey.  This is between me and the vegetable!

View Quote [singing about Mr. Mushnik]  And he calls me a slob, which I am …

View Quote Seymour:  The Audrey II is not a healthy girl.
Mr. Mushnik:  Strictly between us, neither is the Audrey I.

View Quote Oh no. Honey, I shrunk the kids.

View Quote We're his parents, we'll handle this. Diane, how do we handle this?

View Quote [after Wayne finds Nick and Mandy in the shrunken car] Found them. I think we'd better give them a while though.

View Quote I love dew too, eh.

View Quote My name's Rutt. This is my brother, Tuke.

View Quote Rutt: I can't believe you totaled a mammoth, eh.
Tuke: Hey, that mountain came out of nowhere.
Rutt: I cannot accept what you have to say.
Tuke: Oh come on, it was in my blind spot!

View Quote I am the Keymaster. Are you the Gatekeeper?

View Quote [while being chased by the dog-like monster Vinz Clortho] There aren't supposed to be pets in the building!

View Quote Louis Tully: [after the Containment Unit explodes thanks to Walter Peck] This is it! This is the sign!
Janine Melnitz: Yeah, it's a sign alright. We're going out of business!

View Quote Danny O'Shea: This whole town may love you, but I'm the only one who knows how truly sick you are!
Kevin O'Shea: I treated you like a prince!
Danny O'Shea: You ignored me!
Kevin O'Shea: I took you to see the Cleveland Indians!
Danny O'Shea: You left me at the stadium!
Kevin O'Shea: Ahh!

View Quote [Receiving their uniforms on game day, after Becky has left to join the cheerleaders] Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: Death shrouds.
Danny O'Shea: [Turns one around] They've got your names on the back.
Jake "Berminator" Berman: So the guys at the morgue can identify the bodies.

View Quote Danny O'Shea: [When the Little Giants, losing at the half, want to be put on the injured list] You know, there is something you guys should know. When I was 10 years old, I put myself on the injured list. I never got off it.
Timmy "Rawhide" Moore: Why?
Danny O'Shea: Because I didn't get picked a few times, so I started hiding under the bleachers.
Marcus "The Toe": That's where we belong. Under the bleachers.
Danny O'Shea: No, you don't. You guys belong out there with those Cowboys. You know how I know that? Because I belong out there with my brother.
Rudy Zolteck: Give us a break, coach. You could never beat Kevin O'Shea at anything!
Danny O'Shea: That's not true. I did beat him once.
Jake "Berminator" Berman: When?
Danny O'Shea: When we were kids. We used to race our bikes down Cherry Hill every day after school. We raced every day and he always beat me, but one time - one time i beat him.
Jake "Berminator" Berman:: You beat Kevin down Cherry Hill?
Danny O'Shea: Yes, I did. He ate my dust.
Johnny "Viper" Vennaro: Big deal. One time.
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: You know, one time at Randy Cooper's swim party, I did a backflip off the high dive, and my brother chickened out.
Marcus "The Toe": Roger chickened out? He's a Marine!
Rudy Zolteck: Ah, that's nothing! One time at the spring carnival, I beat both of my brothers in the Cow Dung Toss.
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: You beat Matt and Brad in the turd toss?
Jake "Berminator" Berman: You know, one time I went fishing with my entire family, and I was the only one that didn't throw up.
Marcus "The Toe": So what? It still doesn't make us good football players.
Danny O'Shea: Well, wait a second, guys. Who said you had to be good to play football? You play football because you want to. You play football because it's fun. You play football so you and pretend you're Joe Montana throwing a touchdown pass, or Emmitt Smith going for a long run, and even if those Cowboys are better than you guys, even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves.
Tad "Rad Tad" Simpson: One time.
Rudy Zolteck: One time.
Junior Floyd: [Smiles] Yeah...one time!

View Quote [to Pam in a beer tank that's being flooded with beer] My brother and I used to say that drownin' in beer was like heaven, eh? Now he's not here, and I've got two soakers... this isn't heaven. This sucks!

View Quote This movie was shot in 3B - three beers - and it looks good, eh?

View Quote [to their dog] Eh... Hosehead, once you get there you can have all the free beer and sausages you want.

View Quote Wayne: Wait a second, Nick doesn't play baseball.

View Quote [Wayne shows the Thompsons the shrunken furniture]
Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us about this earlier?
Diane: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.
Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?
Wayne & Diane: No, no!
Wayne: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...
Diane: Wayne!
Wayne: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.
Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a "shrink", Szalinski! You are a nutcase. And I'll tell you something: I have got an air hammer in my attic, and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you all over the neighborhood! Come on, Mae!
[Russ Sr. storms out of the house, taking Mae with him]
Wayne: I think that went well.
Diane: I think we should have them over more often.

View Quote [Amy Szalinski is watching the Thompson boys that sunny Saturday morning. She studies them, mostly Little Russ, from the kitchen window of the rundown Szalinski house next door to the Thompson house]
[Amy sighs heavily. Like Little Russ, she is fifteen. But she is tall, rather than short like Russ. And she wears glasses. Russ just doesn't seem to notice her. She sighs again and returns to making breakfast for the rest of her family]
[Amy's mother has had an argument with Amy's father the night before, and her mother has spent the night at Amy's grandmother's house. Amy is filling in for her mum as best she can]
[But cooking isn't one of Amy's strong suits]
[She picks up the bowl of eggs she has just done beating and looks down at her nine-year-old brother, Nick. He is seated across the table, reading a science fiction paperback, as usual. Amy puts some bread into the toaster near Nick]
Amy: Watch the toast for me, Nick.
Nick: Sure. [The book he is absorbed in that morning is called "Peace Feelers and Other Stories". Amy notices that Nick's current book has the sort of weird creature-cover Nick seems to prefer in his light reading. Nick is small and thin, and seems to be allergic to everything. He is not much help around the house]
[Amy walks to the sink and runs cold water into the bowl of eggs. Then she crosses the kitchen to the stove and pours the mixture of eggs and water into a waiting frying pan. She turns the flame down to low heat. Nick lays his book down and walks over to the stove. On his tiptoes, he peers into the pan]
Nick: Mum never made scrambled eggs that looked like that.
Amy: Mum's not here.
Nick: Where do you think she's coming back?
Amy: I don't know. Perhaps never....
Nick: I hope she comes back soon.
Amy: How is the toast coming?
Nick: Well, fine!
Amy: Then how come it's smoking?
[Nick strolls back to the table and sits down]
Nick: It's hot? [He bursts the toaster handle. Two smoking black squares rise slowly into view]
[Amy walks to the table holding the frying pan and scrapes some of its contents onto the plate in front of Nick]
Amy: A straight-A student, but you can't make toast.
Nick: I want to be a scientist like Dad. Not a cook!
Amy: Where is Dad?
Nick: Upstairs.
Amy: As usual.
[At that moment, Wayne Szalinski, physicist, is tinkering with his latest invention in his attic "laboratory". Amy and Nick's dad wears one red sock and one yellow, with rumpled clothing above. He chatters merrily to Quark, the family terrier, about his "electromagnetic pulse invention"]
[It looks like a very big amateur radio station]
[Puzzled, Quark listens to Mr. Szalinski. Quark has been named after a mysterious subatomic particle]
Wayne: This is it, Quark. A red-letter day. [He flicks a switch. The machine begins to hum. Quark retires toward the door] A common laser device, you say? [Quark's ears flop up] Wrong, Quark. It's an amazing electromagnetic pulse device. If this honey works and my calculations are correct, its computer scanners will home in on a solid object, analyze and isolate its molecular structure, and then reduce the space between its electrons. You know what that means, don't you?
[Quark just stares at his master]
Wayne: It will actually shrink the object. It will be a real boon to the space program and other scientific work.
[Quark's yawn echoes. Wayne takes an apple from a paper bag on the couch. Quark barks and wags his tail. Perhaps it is snack time. Quark carefully approaches the strange equipment. To Quark's disappointment, his master walks over to a large steel plate and places the apple on a pedestal in front of the plate]
[Quark heads to the door]
[Mr. Szalinski puts on a set of safety goggles. He walks across the attic to Quark's place among the door and absently puts another set of goggles on the dog. The scientist walks back across the attic to his strange machine]
Wayne: The only problem is that I haven't gotten this nonsense to work yet. But I'm close, Quark. I'm very, very close.
[Mr. Szalinski activates his double-beamed machine. The beams crackle in the air. They join to form a powerful single beam which is focused on the apple. A shimmer of light shines around the apple. It begins to vibrate in the frown]
[Suddenly, the apple explodes in a powerful spray of warm applesauce]
[Dejectedly, Mr. Szalinski flicks off the machine. Its beams die and its vibrations wind down. The scientist strips off his goggles and flops onto the couch]
Wayne: A bummer, Quark. [Quark trots over and jumps up onto the couch. He begins to lick the applesauce off his master's face. Mr. Szalinski scribbles something on a large mound of notes stacked on the couch next to him]
[The scientist brightens and looks up from his notes. He says to Quark with a grin]
Wayne: On the plus side, we have discovered a very expensive fashion to make applesauce!