[Danny and Kevin walk to midfield for the coin toss]
]
M Mayor
[testing the microphone]
Is this thing on? Is this–[brief microphone feedback] Uh, good to see you folks. Welcome to the park! Now today, Kevin's Pee-Wee Cowboys are going to test their mini-muscles against Danny's Little Giants!
"Little Giants." Nice touch.
I thought you'd like that.
M Mayor
Kevin, you call it.
[catches the coin as it's flipped]
Uh, excuse me, how come he gets to call it?
Danny, what difference does it make? Either you kick off and we ram it down your throat...[the microphone picks up their conversation, broadcasting it throughout the field] Or we kick off, we take it from you, then ram it down your throat.
What is it with you? You've been bossing me around since we were kids. Will you stop it already?
Hey, it's football. You don't ask for things, you take them.
Like you took my ticket to the World Series with Dad?
M Mayor
Guys, cut it out. You're brothers.
Hey, I don't need that. Not from a guy who sunk his last diamond into a broken-down gas station.
That "busted down" gas station has been servicing this community for over 40 years. It's a landmark.
I would put that gas station up against any business in this town.
Yes, I would and yes, I am.
Okay, fine! [beat] What're we talking about?
We're talking about my car dealership against your gas station. Winner of this game takes it all.
[referring to the coin flip]
I'll even let you call it. Open up your fist.
Heads. [opens his hand, showing the coin]
Tails, hah! Danny, this is going to be the longest day of your life.
Yeah, we'll see about that. [flips the coin back to the mayor, then both brothers walk back to the sidelines; to himself] What the hell am I doing?
[Danny takes Becky aside after she fights with Spike]
Danny O'Shea: Look, with this guy on the team, we got an actual shot at winning this thing. Just give me a minute to see if I can get him used to the idea of playing with a girl.
[Disgusted]
You don't think I can take him, do you? [Danny is disgustedly speechless; a car horn is heard] This is a bunch of crap. [She storms off to tend to the honking car while Danny returns to practice]
[Little Giants and Danny come out for the second half. Kevin walks up to him]
I just told the mayor you forfeited.
Yeah, well, you can tell the mayor a message from me: tell him not to bet on the Cowboys in the second half.
[points to the sign for the field, which has his name on it]
That's my field.
Yeah, well, we have the ball.
N Nubie
[Nubie gives John Madden a printout of a diagram of a play]
...Then he pivots, fakes, and chucks the ball halfway down the field to our, hopefully, still wide-open tailback. I call it "The Annexation of Puerto Rico".
N Nubie
Really? I kind of stole it from you: Raiders-Vikings, Super Bowl XI.
JM John Madden
Hey, you really are a genius.
N Nubie
Thanks. The problem is, we don't have a tailback.
JM John Madden
Hmmm. Well, listen, what if you tried this...[Draws something on the play as Nubie watches]
[Disguising his voice as an old lady]
State police? Oh, thank God! My name is Thelma Mae Rogers. I'm 86 years old. I live in Urbania. There are two men down the bridge from the Shell station spying on some kids! [Passes the phone to Timmy, who feign cries] We're all really scared. I just don't think it's right for men their age to be parading around in their underwear!
Oh, no! [Hangs up the phone] Nice job. [High fives Timmy]
[When the Little Giants, losing at the half, want to be put on the injured list]
You know, there is something you guys should know. When I was 10 years old, I put myself on the injured list. I never got off it.
Because I didn't get picked a few times, so I started hiding under the bleachers.
Marcus "The Toe" That's where we belong. Under the bleachers.
No, you don't. You guys belong out there with those Cowboys. You know how I know that? Because I belong out there with my brother.
Give us a break, coach. You could never beat Kevin O'Shea at anything!
That's not true. I did beat him once.
When we were kids. We used to race our bikes down Cherry Hill every day after school. We raced every day and he always beat me, but one time - one time i beat him.
You beat Kevin down Cherry Hill?
Yes, I did. He ate my dust.
JV Johnny "Viper" Vennaro
Big deal. One time.
You know, one time at Randy Cooper's swim party, I did a backflip off the high dive, and my brother chickened out.
Marcus "The Toe" Roger chickened out? He's a Marine!
Ah, that's nothing! One time at the spring carnival, I beat both of my brothers in the Cow Dung Toss.
You beat Matt and Brad in the turd toss?
You know, one time I went fishing with my entire family, and I was the only one that didn't throw up.
Marcus "The Toe" So what? It still doesn't make us good football players.
Well, wait a second, guys. Who said you had to be good to play football? You play football because you want to. You play football because it's fun. You play football so you and pretend you're Joe Montana throwing a touchdown pass, or Emmitt Smith going for a long run, and even if those Cowboys are better than you guys, even if they beat you 99 times out of 100, that still leaves.
Junior Floyd [Smiles]
Yeah...one time!
Mike Hammersmith [Upon seeing Becky emerge from the locker room dressed up in Giant gear]
Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa. What's that cheerleader doing with a helmet on?
That's no cheerleader. That's my niece, Becky. She's pissed.
