Pizza the Hutt Where's my money?!
Dark Helmet
Rick Moranis · 41 quotes
Lone Starr
Bill Pullman · 26 quotes
Colonel Sandurz
George Wyner · 21 quotes
Barf
John Candy · 20 quotes
President Skroob
Mel Brooks · 16 quotes
Dot Matrix
11 quotes
Vespa
Daphne Zuniga · 8 quotes
Computer
4 quotes
Yogurt
Mel Brooks · 4 quotes
Most scenes together: Dark Helmet & Colonel Sandurz (17), Lone Starr & Barf (10), Dark Helmet & President Skroob (6)
Spaceballs quotes
Page 4 of 8 Pizza the Hutt
Priest
Who are you?
I'm the best man.
Priest
What's your name?
Barf.
Priest
Your full name!
Bartholomew!
Priest
Are you the one that's getting married?
No.
Priest
Then get over there!
I'm not shooting this thing! I hate guns! [one of the incoming laser blasts singes part of her hair] My hair! He shot my hair! That son of a bitch! [Vespa proceeds to blast every guard Rambo-style]
Ah, Planet Druidia, and 10,000 years of fresh air.
What was that?!
Nothing!
Ah, Planet Druidia, and ten thousand years of fresh air.
Helmet, what's going on?
Sandurz, what's going on?
It's Mega Maid! She's gone from suck to blow!
What? They're getting all the air back! Do something!
How was that?
Not bad.
Not bad...for a girl.
Hey, that was pretty good for Rambo!
Who are you?
Barf!
Not in here, mister. This is a Mercedes.
Vinnie [To Pizza the Hutt]
Mmmmm! You're delicious.
Lone Starr and Barf
[Barf opens a fortune cookie Yogurt gave to Lone Starr, triggering a holographic message]
Yogurt!
Hello, boys! Well, you opened your fortune cookie, so here's your fortune. Lone Starr, you know that medallion that you wear around your neck, but you don't know what it means? Well, here's what it means. It's a royal birth certificate. Yes! Your father was a king. Your mother was a queen. Which makes you a certified prince.
Which means if you hurry, there could be a princess in your future. Now if you want to get back there before she marries Sleeping Beauty, there's a special can of fuel in your glove compartment. Good luck, boys.
Bye, Yogurt!
And, Yogurt...thanks.
You're welcome. [drawn out, gradually fading away] AND MAY THE SCHWARTZ BE WITH YOOOOUUU!...aaa-eee-aaa-eee-ooo, what a world, what a world... [fades out]
Guard 1
[In a subsequent scene, the two guards confront Lone Starr and Barf dressed only in boxers and undershirts, both sporting black eyes.]
Hey, those are the guys who took our uniforms!
Guard 2
Yeah, and beat the shit out of us, too!
Priest
[Last lines]
Who are you?
I'm the best man.
Priest
What's your name?
Barf.
Priest
Your full name!
Barfolomew!
Priest
Are you the one that's getting married?
No.
Priest
THEN GET OVER THERE! Okay, here we go. The short, short version! Do you?
Lone Star
Yes.
Priest
Do you?
Yes!
Priest
Good! You're married! Kiss her!
I love you.
I love you.
[Lone Starr and Vespa are about to kiss when Dot Matrix sounds an alarm.] [annoyed]
What the hell was that?
That was my Virgin Alarm. It's programmed to go off before you do.
Guard 1
[Lone Starr parks the Eagle 5 in an illegal parking space]
Hey, what the hell is that thing?
Guard 2
Looks like a Winnebago with wings!
Guard 1
Hey, you can't park here!
Guard 2
Yeah! Can't you read? [gestures to a "No Parking" sign] No parking! [Barf gives him the finger]
Guard 1
That son of a--! [loads gun; approaches Winnebago] All right, hands up! You're under arrest for illegal parking!
Guard 2
Yeah! [they enter and get knocked unconscious]
Guard:
[Lone Starr sneaks up behind a guard and grabs him by the neck.]
What hell are you doing?
The Vulcan neck pinch?
Guard:
No, no stupid. You've got it much too high, it's more down here where the shoulder meets the neck.
Like this?
Guard
Yeah!
[The guard collapses.]