Kevin James movie quotes

View Quote Put the chick down, Dag.

View Quote [as Dag jumps to attack Otis, he grabs Dag] Remember me? I'm Ben's kid. [He slams Dag to the car window and threatens to punches him. (Same thing Ben did before his death.) He glares closer to whimpering Dag] Never... come... back. [drops Dag] Pip? [Pip: Eh, I'd have to go with the iron, man.]

View Quote Then I said I was gonna hit him with the stick.

View Quote You know what it's like getting up every morning feeling hopeless? Feeling like the love of your life is waking up with the wrong man? But, at the same time hoping that she still finds happiness, even if it's never going to be with you?

View Quote [showing Hitch his dance moves] Do the Q-tip! Q-tip! Now throw it away! Now what am I doing? I'm makin a pizza!

View Quote I've waited my entire life to be this miserable.

View Quote [after seeing a human dressed up as a monster] That was... trippy.

View Quote [having just given a deafening roar to a cheering crowd] I'M TRYING TO SCARE YOU! THE REAL FRANKENSTEIN!

View Quote [about Johnny] I really liked Johnny… cousin or no. He told fun stories.

View Quote to a villain] Hey You, Scuba-dooby-doo! [sends a scuba tank into a villain, knocking him out]

View Quote [from trailer] Safety never takes a holiday.

View Quote [from trailer] Nobody knows this mall better than I do.

View Quote It looks like we've come to a fork in the road. [shoots the vibrating fork like a bow-and-arrow]

View Quote Help someone today!

View Quote Not today, death! Not today!

View Quote And for the record, Hal, I happen to know what several of those big words meant. I drank a few cold sanguines on my last trip to México. Ha-ha-ha, bite on that, Hal! [his reporters start pointing at Hal and chanting "You! You! You!"]

View Quote Nobody's better at the Crane Game than me!

View Quote Sam Brenner: Donkey Kong.
Will Cooper: The one game you suck at.
Sam Brenner: Yeah.

View Quote Chuck: What do you got?
Larry: Maxi Pads.
Chuck: What, do we have vaginas now? Put it back!

View Quote Larry: Domestic partnership.
Chuck: Domestic partnership? You mean like ****s?
Larry: No, I mean yeah. But no, not us. Obviously, just on paper.
Chuck: Paper ****s?
Larry: Well, the accepted vernacular is "gay"... but yes.

View Quote Eric: What happened to your place?
Chuck: Uh... Roaches. Yeah, big giant roaches. They ate my dog.
Tori: Bastards.
Larry: Language!
Eric: Roaches are so eewwy!
Chuck: Did ya here that? Roaches are eewwy.
Larry: 'Eewwy' is another word not allowed said in this house. Okay?
Chuck: I think eewwys a nice word.
Larry: Shut up.
Chuck: Eewwy!

View Quote Eric Lamonsoff: What's 7 + 9?
Bean Lamonsoff: 79!
Eric Lamonsoff: [sarcastically] Well, we're not going to have to pay for college, that's for sure!

View Quote [standing on the cliff, looking down at the water and all the college kids partying]
Lenny Feder: Look at this. Beers on ice, hot ladies everywhere, this is how we used to do it.
Frat Guy: This is Kappa Eta Sigma property, so you might wanna quit pervin' on our ladies and get back to your trailer homes.
Lenny Feder: Okay, easy there, Abercrombie.
Kurt McKenzie: I haven't been around this many arrogant white college kids since Eminem played Duke.
Other Frat Guy: At least we got into college, skinny Danny Glover.
[two fray guys perform a silly multi-step "handshake" that the Grown Ups disapprove of]
Lenny Feder: Hey, fellas, that was a good handshake, we've got a good one too, it goes like this.
[they shake hands in a traditional, polite manner]
Kurt McKenzie: How are you doing, sir?
Eric Lamonsoff: Very good, nice to see you.

View Quote [the Frat boys have arrived at the Feder's who are ready to get revenge]
Roxanne Feder: Excuse me, why are you here? What's the matter?
Frat Boy Milo: [mocking Roxanne] I tell you what is the matter. [frat boys laugh, speaking in normal accent] These old townies trashed our frat house! And nobody treats our good-times headquarters with disrespect! [all frat boys yell "Yeah!"]
Braden Higgins: They didn't do it. Me do it.
Frat Boy Milo: Don't try and cover for him, Z-Dog!
Lenny Feder: Who's Z-Dog?
Frat Boy Andy: We know they're trying to get back at us for making them do the naked plunge in our swimming hole.
Deanne McKenzie: Your swimming hole? I've been swimming at the quarry since I was eight years old.
Frat Boy Andy: Apparently, everybody in this crap town has been swimming there since they were eight years old. I guess nobody wants to leave this dump because they're too busy sucking! [all frat boys cheer, Andy and Milo do their handshake, but stop in the middle] We'll finish later.
Frat Boy Milo: You promise?
Frat Boy Andy: [touching Milo's cheek] I promise.
Frat Boy Milo: Okay.
Dickey Bailey: Hey, smart guy! Lenny Feder left this town, moved to Hollywood, made big bucks, probably more money than all you brainiacs put together ever will. But guess what? He came back here. 'Cause this beautiful town is his home. And it always will be his home. [looks at Lenny, who nods of approval, Dickey raises his beer, and takes a drink]
Frat Boy Milo: Well, that was just a moving testament to this community, bro! But we didn't come here to hear any lame speeches. We came here to kick some old, smelly ass! [frat boys cheer, Milo turns around and bends over, and Andy slaps his butt three times]
Lenny Feder: Fellas, we may be old.
Marcus Higgins: We may be smelly.
Deanne McKenzie: We may have a penis. [she, Roxanne, and a drunk woman point at Beefcake Kitty]
Eric Lamonsoff: But the only ones getting their ass kicked around here is gonna be you spoiled, privileged, uppity, preppy D-bags.
Kurt McKenzie: You hear that? Now let's get BUSY!! [everyone starts fighting]