[Dracula and Johnny have just burst through the door after hearing Mavis calling them.]
What's up, he's okay?
Dennis said his first word!
[to Dennis]
Come on, honey. Say it again!
D Drac
[frowns in annoyance]
I don't say "bleh, bleh-bleh".
D Drac
Then where did he get that?
Well, maybe sometimes you say it.
D Drac
I only say it when I say I don't say it!
D Drac
Okay, kid, we get it. You can talk. [softening] Denisovich... [checks Dennis' mouth for fangs]
D Drac
Just checking for cavities. [hastily leaves the room]
[imitating her father]
Bleh, bleh-bleh.
D Drac
[pops back down from the ceiling]
It was you!
[Mavis is singing a lullaby to help Dennis go to sleep.] [to Dennis; singing]
Twinkle twinkle, little star.How I wonder who you are.
Mommy, I'm too old for lullabies.
D Drac
[interrupts Mavis]
What? That's not how that one goes.
This is the way most people sing it.
D Drac
an a Most people? What's wrong with "Suffer, suffer, scream in pain. Blood is spilling from your brain"?
D Drac
Come on. You know how I sang it to you.
[singing]
Zombies gnaw you like a plum.Piercing cries and you succumb.
D Drac
[singing softly]
Suffer, suffer, scream in pain.You will never breathe again.[sees that his lullaby caused his grandson and daughter to fall asleep] Still works.
D Drac
[Drac is in his room picking out pajamas and upset that his family might be leaving him.] [mocking Mavis]
"Dad, it's (a baby tooth,) not a fang! Dad, I don't know if it's the right place for Dennis! Right, Johnny?" [mocking Johnny] "Oh, hey, dude-man. It's not me, it's Mavy! Hey, dude-man! I'm afraid to say anything! Hey, dudeman! I'm a dude man!"
FS Frankenstein('s Monster)
[at the door and peeks in]
Uh, Drac, who-who are you talking to?
SH Shrunken Head
Do not disturb! The Count's wiggin' out in here!
FE Frank(enstein's Monster)
[Drac starts brushing his fangs.]
What are you wiggin' out about, Drac?
D Drac
The kids! Mavy-wavy saying she wants to leave! [gargles with blood red mouthwash as Frank talks]
F Frankenstein
She wants to leave? W(ell… w)hat about Johnny? He doesn't want to go. He's making the hotel more human-y... for Dennis. You know, seeing that he isn't a monster.
D Drac
[flossing his fangs with a spider's web and breaks his string upon hearing this statement]
He is a monster! He's just a late fanger.
SH Shrunken Head
Mm-hmm, and I could be a hand model.
D Drac
Shut up! It's all that human-y stuff that's confusing poor Denisovich. [waves and a bathroom opens up in the wall, goes inside and the wall seals back up]
So maybe you gotta get the kid around more monster-y... things. [leans on the wall and accidentally opens Drac's wardrobe closet] Ooh. Oh, I need a cape. (I'm sure Drac wouldn't mind for a moment.)
D Drac
[from inside the bathroom] (I try out, but)
I can't! She's always around checking up on me!
[goes in the closet and comes out wearing one of Drac's outfits, which fits him very tight]
Man, if you could just get some alone time…
D Drac
Wait a minute! That's what Johnny wants too - alone time with Mavis!
[chuckles at how he looks in Drac's outfit, but then all of a sudden starts suffocating from the tight clothes, panics and pulls out a spatula to wedge some space around his neck; straining]
Ha-have they even had a vacation since before they were married?! [tries desperately to take off the outfit before Drac catches him wearing it and comes out of the bathroom as it seals up behind him, and at the same time, Frank just barely manages to get out of the outfit and put it back in the wardrobe before he sees]
D Drac
They're going to now, and so are we! Frank, you're a genius! [notices that Frank is shirtless and looks at him with a blank look on his face. Frank just stands there with an awkward smile on his face. He looks around the room, holds his hands, then clears his throat waiting for the awkward moment to pass as Dracula looks at him. Finally, Dracula speaks his idea] (Anyways…) We'll take Denisovch to all our old haunts. Each of us will show him a our skills… teach him how to be a monster… [As he says it, he imagines himself and Dennis in the forest. He hunts and eats a white mouse while Dennis watches him in amazement and fangs suddenly sprout from his upper jaw.] ...And he'll be fanging it up in no time!
SH Shrunken head
Boy turns 5 next week! If he's not a vampire by his birthday, it ain't happening!
D Drac
Oh, it ain't ain't happening, baby! All he needs is time with his vampa!
D Drac
[exasperated]
"Vampire grandpa." Come on, man! That's obvious!
[Dennis/Denisovich and the Drac Pack are driving in the car.]
Where we going, Papa Drac?
D Drac
Oh, Denisovich! We're going to have an adventure. A monster-y adventure!
Yay, monsters! We're gonna eat cake!
[confused]
What'd he say?
D Drac
No, no cake on this monster trip!
No cake cebause Kakie says too much cake makes tummy ache. Yay! A monster always shares.
We may need more than a week.
Hey, you know who could fix the kid in a snap? Vlad.
D Drac
[annoyed]
What? We don't need to call Vlad. We got this. [in a warmer tone] Eh, you see, Denisovich. Monsters are nice, just like you… but when the moon comes out, the real monster fun begins, being scary! Right, guys? [On the radio, "Worth It" by Fifth Harmony is playing and Frank, Wayne, Murray, and Griffin all dance along to it.] Guys? Guys! [shuts off the radio] What is wrong with you?
Come on. Everybody likes that song.
D Drac
We're not everybody! We're scary monsters, remember? [puts a CD in the car's player.]
Hey, what are you putting in?
D Drac
Oh, it's an audio book - Bigfoot's Life Story. He reads it himself.
WO Woman on CD
Chapter 1. [Bigfoot growls slowly on radio]
[They listen to the growling and it is revealed that Blobby is still happily listening to "Worth It" on his headphones in the adjoining rascal.]
D Dana
[Drac just saved Dennis from falling from the condemned tower]
Oh, dear! Oh, my devil! We're gonna have to report this!
D Drac
You mean to the papers? I guess it was pretty cool, but I'm not about getting press.
D Dana
No, sir, I mean to the authorities. I cannot report child endangerment.
D Drac
Whoa, listen to me. That was fun! Your singing is child endangerment!
[Meanwhile, on top of the tower]
Should we should go down and help him?
Nope, I told him this was nuts. He's on his own! (And as for Dennis, he's gonna need more time.) [leans on the tower, causing it to fall over] (Uh, oh.)
D Dana
[Back to Drac and Dana]
We have to call the boy's mother.
D Drac
No, that ain't happening! His mother's already nutsy cuckoo!
D Dana
(Well, either way,)
I have to follow protocol!
D Drac
[stares into Dana's eyes, glowing red; hypnotic]
You will not follow protocol.
D Dana
[unphased] (Yes, I will... because)
I'm a vampire. I can't be hypnotized.
D Drac
[back to normal]
Uh, right. (I forgot vampires can't hypnotized each other.)
D Dana
Now, please, don't make me call the police!
D Drac
No one's calling nobody!
[The tower finally collapses on the campfire, lighting it and Frank.]
Fire!
Stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll!
[The camp kids take out marshmallows on sticks, cheer and start coming to the fire to roast them; Dennis has a sad look]
Are we bad guys, Papa Drac?
D Drac
Bad? No! You're the best kid in the world! We didn't start the fire. It was the tower. [scolding to Dana] That's a very unsafe tower! You're lucky we don't call the authorities! [to Dennis as he puts him over his shoulders] Let's go, my hero!
Cebause I'm Batman! To the Batmobile!
D Drac
[After the Drac Pack returned to the hotel, Drac answers Mavis' video chat request]
So, hey! When are you going to get here already? We've been waiting… [looks up and sees Mavis standing a few feet away, looking angry at him, much to his shock]
[sternly]
Give me my son.
D Drac
We just went out for some avocados!
I saw. [angrily holds up her smartphone and plays a YouTube clip titled "Dracula Remix" with over 2,000,000 hits. The clip intercuts Dennis falling from the tower with rapid edits of Dracula arguing with Dana to a rhythm track]
D Drac
[on video]
His mother's already nutsy cuckoo! Nutsy cuckoo! Ah-ooh! Eh-ah-ee-ee! Cuckoo! [As the music continues, he looks shocked, realizing he's busted. Blobby, oblivious, dances to the beat as the video continues.]
D Dana
[on video]
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh-oh-oh my devil. I have to follow protocol.
D Drac
[on video]
That ain't happening! That ain't happening! His mother's already ah-kee-kee-a cuckoo! Ah-kee-ooh-ah-ee-ah cuckoo! [echoing]
[The video ends and Drac looks down in shame as Dennis and Mavis embrace.] [to her dad, Drac]
I was worried Dennis wasn't safe around other monsters. Now I don't even feel like he's safe around you.
What was it you said? "Human, monster, unicorn." That it didn't matter?
D Drac
Well, I just know his life would–
We'll have his birthday party here on Wednesday, then we're moving.
D Drac
Please, Mavey, don't leave.
[sadly]
Maybe you've let humans into your hotel, Dad, but I don't think you've let them into your heart. [takes Dennis inside the hotel, still worried he would be hurt; Johnny looks down sadly and follows her, leaving Drac]
[After Dennis' 5th birthday party is ruined] [to his son, Dracula]
Hey, what did you just do? A few more seconds and the kid's fangs would have popped right out.
D Drac
I don't care! It's... it's not worth it!
D Drac
It was my last attempt to make the boy a vampire so you'd stay.
By ruining his favorite thing? How could you (made Grandpa Vlad) do that?
You were in on this( too)?
Dennis won't be happy in my town.
(But)
Dennis hasn't been there( yet)!
E Erik
[plays organ while singing]
The husband and wife! Hear the strain and the strife–
DM Drac, Mavis and Johnny
[to Erik]
SHUT UP!
(Oh, boy…)
Johnny, Dennis is not a monster! [Vlad makes a shocked face] He likes avocado!
'Cause you don't let him eat anything fun!
L Linda
I think Dennis just wants to be normal.
Can we stop using the word, "normal"?
D Drac
[Dennis walks away sadly, feeling not good enough to fit in]
Where we live now, he's normal!
He is who he is and you can't change him, Dad.
[Dennis runs out of the room, Winnie follows him. Bella watches them from the window. Outside the castle... in the forest...]
Dennis, where are you going?
But it's not safe out here by ourselves. I know a place where we can hide. Follow me! [they run to a tree house as their secret hiding place]
[Back at the party...]
If you didn't stop me, my great-grandson wouldn't have to be a wimp his whole life, like schlumpy over here. [gestures to Johnny]
[climbs on the stage, and walks to him]
You wanna throw down, old man?! [does karate move at him] Certified yellow belt since 1997! [takes off his wig, blowing his cover]
D Drac
No! (Oh, too late…)
What's this now, you're not a vampire?
(Huh? Oh…) [guilty]
Uh, bleh?
M Mike
Of course he's (a) human. He's our son( in fact). You think we're monsters? [he and Linda wipe off their make-up, revealing their true selves]
[gasps; to Drac]
You! You let your daughter marry a human and have a human kid! Why don't you just put a stake through my heart?!
D Drac
We don't hate humans anymore and they don't hate us( either).
[the other humans reveal themselves as well] (W-what?) [outraged of this charade]
HUMANS!? [scratches the window, and growls]
D Drac
Your great-grandson is the sweetest, kindest, most special boy I've ever met. And if you can't give him the love he deserves because he's half-human, then you're the fool.
[hugs him lovingly]
Oh, Daddy.
[Drac hugs her back]
Hey, (speaking of which…) where is Dennis? Dennis!
