Lenny Feder quotes from Grown Ups 2 (2013)

Lenny Feder

Look at this. Beers on ice, hot ladies everywhere, this is how we used to do it.

This is Kappa Eta Sigma property, so you might wanna quit pervin' on our ladies and get back to your trailer homes.

Lenny Feder

Okay, easy there, Abercrombie.

I haven't been around this many arrogant white college kids since Eminem played Duke.

At least we got into college, skinny Danny Glover.

Lenny Feder

Hey, fellas, that was a good handshake, we've got a good one too, it goes like this.

How are you doing, sir?

Eric Lamonsoff

Very good, nice to see you.

Lenny Feder

Hey, you showed up.

Where do you work out, Cinnabon?

Lenny Feder

What were you raised by, ninjas?

Lenny Feder

Riding your bike to school in the morning, you couldn't do that in L.A.

Yeah, thank God there's nothing crazy ever happens around here.

What's up with the school bus?

Lenny Feder

Okay...I stole it.

Put your hands in the air. [The five friends put their hands in the air, but Fluzoo begins dancing and sings] And wave 'em like you just don't care. Say HO!

OH!

Say HO!

OH!

Lenny Feder

Honey, go over to the window and open it as wide as you can.

Please let me sleep.

Lenny Feder

I think your mother's here from Mexico and she needs to leave. Open the window, now.

Why don't you do it you-Ahhhhhhhh!

Close your mouth!

Will I have boobies like Mommy's?

Lenny Feder

I don't ever want you to have those.

Well, well, well, if it isn't Hollywood and the squares.

Lenny Feder

Hey, Malcolm, I didn't know you worked at K-Mart, and apparently, the hair on the top of your head didn't know it either.

Whaat?

Lenny Feder

Mommy was nice enough to prepare her famous Chicken a la Food Poisoning, which we're all excited to eat.

Tell her it wasn't you talking, Dad. It was your flabby ass.

Lenny Feder

You want me to "accidentally" break the other leg? [Keith looks at him shocked]

Excuse me, why are you here? What's the matter?

I tell you what is the matter. [frat boys laugh, speaking in normal accent] These old townies trashed our frat house! And nobody treats our good-times headquarters with disrespect! [all frat boys yell "Yeah!"]

They didn't do it. Me do it.

Don't try and cover for him, Z-Dog!

Lenny Feder

Who's Z-Dog?

We know they're trying to get back at us for making them do the naked plunge in our swimming hole.

Your swimming hole? I've been swimming at the quarry since I was eight years old.

Apparently, everybody in this crap town has been swimming there since they were eight years old. I guess nobody wants to leave this dump because they're too busy sucking! [all frat boys cheer, Andy and Milo do their handshake, but stop in the middle] We'll finish later.

You promise?

I promise.

Okay.

Hey, smart guy! Lenny Feder left this town, moved to Hollywood, made big bucks, probably more money than all you brainiacs put together ever will. But guess what? He came back here. 'Cause this beautiful town is his home. And it always will be his home. [looks at Lenny, who nods of approval, Dickey raises his beer, and takes a drink]

Well, that was just a moving testament to this community, bro! But we didn't come here to hear any lame speeches. We came here to kick some old, smelly ass! [frat boys cheer, Milo turns around and bends over, and Andy slaps his butt three times]

Lenny Feder

Fellas, we may be old.

We may be smelly.

We may have a penis. [she, Roxanne, and a drunk woman point at Beefcake Kitty]

Eric Lamonsoff

But the only ones getting their ass kicked around here is gonna be you spoiled, privileged, uppity, preppy D-bags.

You hear that? Now let's get BUSY!! [everyone starts fighting]