Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015) quotes ... Movie Quotes Database

Divina

Your uniform as requested, Officer Blart.

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Henk

[walks in]

Excuse me, guys, uh, but we have a complaint about the noise.

Robinson

[walks up to Henk]

That's why we have you.

Vincent

Gotta say, Henk, nice uniform.

Henk

Right? Look at that! Ha-ha, smiley! You don't wanna know what it took to get the real deal.

Vincent

No, I don't

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Khan

I came straight from a haircut.

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Margaret

[final words]

Oh, there's my paper. [gets run over by a milk truck]

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Maya

Hey, Dad. I ordered your favorite.

Paul

Oh, really? Well, you know what, I've lost my appetite. What has gotten into you? You lied to me. You said you were taking a nap.

Maya

Well, I was going to, but...

Paul

[interrupts Maya]

Mm, you never called me once. You leave the bath filled which could've caused water damage, candles lit which could've burnt down Las Vegas, Nevada.

Maya

I'm sorry. It's just Lane invited me to go out to the pool...

Paul

[interrupts again]

Lane? Lane? That's what this betrayal's about? Chicken Chow LANE?!

Maya

Dad, people are looking. [smiles nervously]

Paul

[calms down]

What happened to her, Maya? What happened to the pristine girl who could never tell a lie? What happened to my little George Washington?

Maya

"George Washington"?

Paul

He could never tell a lie. He was full truth in a powdered wig.

Maya

I think you're overreacting.

Paul

Really? [pulls out UCLA application] And when were you gonna tell me about that?

Maya

[pause, takes the application]

Where did you find this?

Paul

Please, Maya. I'm a highly-trained security specialist. You can't expect to keep secrets from me.

Maya

[pause]

I didn't think I'd get in.

Paul

[sighs in disappointment]

I didn't even know you applied there. What happened to Central Jersey Applied Technical Junior College?

Maya

[excited]

We're talking about UCLA here!

Paul

Yeah, I thought we were talking about CJATJC.

Maya

Dad, you don't understand. I have a chance to go to California!

Paul

Maya, California... It's-It's too far away.

Maya

[pause]

Well, think about it this way: you can come visit me in the wintertime when really cold in Jersey.

Paul

Of course I can if I want some smog in my earthquake flakes!

Maya

[pause]

You know what, I've decided: I'm going.

Paul

Wait, you've...decided? You've just decided? Well, you know what, decision overruled. Judge Blart, now in session! [slams a plate of bread]

Maya

[Maya stands up, Paul eats a bread slice]

I know you've lost a lot lately and you're scared. [voice breaking] But what you're doing right now is so wrong. [Paul shakes his head] I'm going to UCLA. [she walks out in frustration]

Paul

Maya? Maya, you get back... Maya...

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Paul

I told you I was crazy.

Vincent

And I told you...that I'm crazy.

Paul

Whoa. Y-You can't out-crazy me. My crazy will take your crazy, shove it in a metal tube, fill it with rats, then blowtorch it until the rats have no way to escape except eating their way through your crazy.

Vincent

Wow. You are oblivious to the avalanche of insanity I am about to unload. You don't know what I will do to you!

Paul

YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU! I WILL SPIN AROUND UNTIL I THROW UP ON YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS! I SIMPLY DON'T CARE!

Vincent

I STICK YOUR FACE IN MAPLE SYRUP AND MAKE YOU SING GOSPEL! HOW DOES THAT BLOW YOUR HAIR BACK, BLART?!

Paul

I WILL CRAWL INSIDE YOU AND LAY EGGS LIKE A BABY SPIDER!

Vincent

I WELCOME IT! I'VE GOT 2 DIFFERENT COLORED EYES! SHOWS YOU HOW I LIVE MY LIFE!

Paul

I WILL BRING A FOLK GUITAR TO A PUMPKIN FIGHT BECAUSE THAT'S THE WAY I WAS BROUGHT UP!